Fall 2015 TV Premieres: What to Watch and When

Sep 04 // Nick Valdez
September Tuesday, September 8th The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 1035PM) Wednesday, September 9th The League (FXX, 9PM) You're the Worst (FXX, 930PM) Thursday, September 10 Longmire (Netflix) Friday, September 11 Z Nation (SyFy, 9PM) Continuum (SyFy, 10PM) Tuesday, September 15 The Mindy Project (Hulu) Best Time Ever with Neil Patrick Harris (NBC, 9PM) The Bastard Executioner (FX, 9PM) Wednesday, September 16 South Park (Comedy Central, 9PM) Moonbeam City (Comedy Central, 930PM) Monday, September 21 Gotham (FOX, 7PM) Minority Report (FOX, 8PM) The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 7PM) Life in Pieces (CBS, 730PM) Scorpion (CBS, 8PM) Castle (ABC, 9PM) Blindspot (NBC, 9PM) Tuesday, September 22 The Muppets (ABC, 7PM) Fresh Off the Boat (ABC, 730PM) Scream Queens (FOX, 8PM) Limitless (CBS, 9PM) Wednesday, September 23 The Middle (ABC, 7PM) The Goldbergs (ABC, 730PM) Modern Family (ABC, 8PM) Black-ish (ABC, 830PM) Rosewood (FOX, 7PM) Empire (FOX, 8PM) The Mysteries of Laura (NBC, 7PM) TripTank (Comedy Central, 10PM) Thursday, September 24 Grey's Anatomy (ABC, 7PM) Scandal (ABC, 8PM) How to Get Away with Murder (ABC, 9PM) Heroes Reborn (NBC, 7PM) The Player (NBC, 9PM) Friday, September 25 Hawaii Five-O (CBS, 8PM) Blue Bloods (CBS, 9PM) Saturday, September 26 Guardians of the Galaxy (Disney XD, 9PM) Sunday, September 27 Bob's Burgers (FOX, 630PM) The Simpsons (FOX, 7PM) Brooklyn Nine-Nine (FOX, 730PM) Family Guy (FOX, 8PM) Last Man on Earth (FOX, 830PM) Once Upon a Time (ABC, 7PM) Blood & Oil (ABC, 8PM) Quantico (ABC, 9PM) CSI Two Hour Series Finale (CBS, 8PM) Monday, September 28 The Daily Show with Trevor Noah (Comedy Central, 10PM) Tuesday, September 29 Grandfathered (FOX, 7PM) The Grinder (FOX, 730PM) Agents of SHIELD (ABC, 8PM) Wednesday, September 30 Criminal Minds (CBS, 8PM) Code Black (CBS, 9PM) October Thursday, October 1 Bones (FOX, 7PM) Sleepy Hollow (FOX, 8PM) The Blacklist (NBC, 8PM) Saturday, October 3 Saturday Night Live (NBC, 1030PM)0 Sunday, October 4 Madam Secretary (CBS, 7PM) The Good Wife (CBS, 8PM) Homeland (Showtime, 8PM) The Affair (Showtime, 9PM) The Leftovers (HBO, 8PM) Tuesday, October 6 The Flash (The CW, 7PM) iZombie (The CW, 8PM) Finding Carter (MTV, 9PM) Wednesday, October 7 Casual (Hulu) Arrow (The CW, 7PM) Supernatural (The CW, 8PM) American Horror Story: Hotel (FX, 9PM) Thursday, October 8 The Vampire Diaries (The CW, 7PM) The Originals (The CW, 8PM) Haven (SyFy, 9PM) Friday, October 9 Undateable (NBC, 7PM) Reign (The CW, 7PM) Sunday, October 11 The Walking Dead (AMC, 9PM) Monday, October 12 Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (The CW, 7PM) Jane the Virgin (The CW, 8PM) Fargo (FX, 9PM) Thursday, October 15 Nathan For You (Comedy Central, 9PM) Friday, October 23 Hemlock Grove (Netflix) Saturday, October 24 Da Vinci's Demons (Starz, 7PM) Monday, October 26 Supergirl (CBS, 730PM) Tuesday, October 27 Wicked City (ABC, 9PM) Friday, October 30 Grimm (NBC, 8PM) Saturday October 31 Ash vs. Evil Dead (Starz, 8PM) November Friday, November 5 Mom (CBS, 8PM) Angel From Hell (CBS, 830PM) Elementary (CBS, 9PM) Saturday, November 6 Master of None (Netflix) Sunday, November 15 Into the Badlands (AMC, 9PM) Friday, November 20 The Man in the High Castle (Amazon Prime) December Thursday, December 3 The Wiz Live (NBC, 7PM) Friday, December 4 Transparent (Amazon Prime) Monday, December 14 Childhood's End (SyFy, 7PM) The Expanse (SyFy, 9PM) January Sunday, January 3 Downton Abbey (PBS, 8PM) Sunday, January 10 The 73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards (NBC, 7PM) Sunday, January 17 Shameless (Showtime, 8PM) Billions (Showtime, 9PM) Sunday, January 24 The X-Files (FOX, 6PM) - Special Premiere Event Monday, January 25 The X-Files (FOX, 7PM) - Regular Spot 
Fall TV Preview photo
Fall TV is best TV
I have a pretty outstanding relationship with television. More so than movies (it's so weird that I work here, right?), TV practically raised me from the mean streets of Sesame to the well adjusted adult that I am now. This f...

FlixList: Wes Craven's Five Best Films

Sep 03 // Nick Valdez
My Soul to Take "Wake up and smell the Starbucks." I had a hard time narrowing Craven's films to five (I really could've just put everything here), and almost went with Red Eye or The Hills Have Eyes, but My Soul to Take is just so weird. It's Craven's take on small town myth horror, and it's got all sorts of weird sensibilities that make it stand out from the rest. It's got a guy who's probably a demon, teen archetypes who get zero development, a killer who talks to himself, and a supernatural thread tying it all together. Are the souls of the seven kids actually connected or is the main kid just crazy? Unlike his other films, Soul has a very deliberate tone and pace that sort of treads lightly and lets the tension build. It's quite a film.  Scream 4 "Forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill. Don't fuck with the original." Scream may have changed my life (and turned my crush on Neve Campbell into full blown love), but Scream 4 absolutely nails it. Starting with New Nightmare all those years ago, Scream 4 is a film that could've only existed after Craven spent a career honing his craft and paying attention to the route horror was going in. With Hollywood's fixation on reboots and sequels, Craven churned out one last sequel and capitalized on Scream's meta-contextual narrative with a reboot and sequel that works. Horror reboots hardly ever work, and sequels never truly live up to the standard of the original, but here's one that surpasses even the original idea. Setting a new status quo as it simultaneously enforces the old one all the while somehow bringing the series to an ultimate, satisfying conclusion? It's insane how well it works. Great cast, great writing, great editing, and even super heroics. Just greatness.  The People Under the Stairs "May they burn in hell." "Forever and ever in hell." This film is special to me for numerous reasons. First, it's the first horror film I saw with a non-white protagonist. Secondly, it's the first horror film I saw willingly acknowledging the wage disparity among classes. And finally, it's basically a twisted kid adventure film. Think of a slightly more dark and horrific Goonies, and you'll realize why a dude is wearing a gimp suit while trying to kill this kid as he makes friends with some monsters and discovers a hidden treasure. People Under the Stairs is tense, gruesome (Ving Rhames' body is used as a literal puppet distraction at one point), there are explosions, intrigue, and it's even a straight action movie leading toward raining money at film's end. It's non-traditional in the best way, and I'm so glad it exists.  The Last House on the Left "Are you sure we're not going to put you folks to any trouble?" "Oh nonsense, our home is yours." You can't talk about Craven's best work until you talk about his first. Bursting onto the scene with a twisted home invasion film, Last House is aggressive, disturbing, and it's full of such provocative imagery it sticks with you forever. Even way back then Craven was capable of masterful work with a film that had you rooting for the bad guys' end. It's his most demented piece of art and it'll forever be a staple which all other home invasion films compare to. It's like the whole BC/AD thing. There's Before Last House on the Left (BLHOTL) and after (ALHOTL).  A Nightmare on Elm Street "Whatever you do...don't fall asleep." It'd be impossible to write out a list like this and not include the big dog. The film that made something as pleasant as sleep seem like the worst thing in the world. Combing all sorts of primal fears like helplessness, death, and children, Elm Street pretty much started my addiction to caffeine. Through the years the fear has been alleviated thanks to The Simpsons, but Freddy's always coming. Nightmare changed the game completely. Rap songs, Mortal Kombat, tons of films, changing from horror to comedy and back to horror again without fail, and even had a crossover with another horror juggernaut and it wasn't the worst thing ever. Thanks to Wes, there'll always be a nightmare on our streets.  These may be his five best, but his other works were all just as good. We're gonna miss you. What are your favorite Wes Craven works? 
Wes Craven's Best photo
"What's your favorite scary movie?"
I've never been a big horror fan. I get squeamish with bloody action, jump scares always catch me, and I don't really like looking at disturbing images in general. But when a horror film is well crafted, I can't seem to look ...

Grand Theft Movie photo
Grand Theft Movie

First teaser for BBC's Grand Theft Auto/Jack Thompson drama The Gamechangers


Sep 03
// Nick Valdez
Remember that whole business a few years ago where folks thought videogames were violent and should be banned? The Gamechangers is a BBC TV production (with the worst kind of made for TV title) about the core of it all in 200...

Fear the Walking Dead Season 1 Recap: "So Close, Yet So Far"

Aug 31 // Nick Valdez
After the fallout from last week in which Madison, Travis, and Nick witness a zombified Calvin fail to stay down, the three part ways and try and figure out what to do next. The general consensus being that they plan to escape to the desert. The funny thing is, they only seem to care about their own safety. Keeping the secret from the neighbors (who were throwing a little girl's birthday party, just to rub salt in the wound) and keeping quiet in general as folks are caught in protests over "police brutality" in an effort to shoe horn in current events. I'd see people reacting that way if we were caught in the situation, but it's still a little weird that the dead rising up would be a secret even after numerous videos and stuff leaked online as this episode leads us to believe. Anyway, this episode shifts the focus to Madison, Nick's mother, who goes out in search of some kind of fix for Nick now that he's going through withdrawal.  I figured something like this would've happened, but kudos to Fear for getting it out of the way early while there's only lingering tension rather than use it as a way to force more immediacy into some terrible scene later. We also get a better grip on Travis' family, his ex-wife Liza (the fantastic Elizabeth Rodriguez) and his terrible son Chris (Lorenzo James Henrie) as Travis tries to convince them to safety without exactly telling them what's going on. It's pretty stupid since Chris eventually gets rapped up in a protest of one of the "shootings" and Travis and Liza end up in a terrible part of town during a riot instead of somewhere way better. But that sets them up for the rest of the season as they take refuge in a barber shop owned by the Salazar family. Thanks to Fear's LA setting (though it shouldn't be the only reason), there's already way more Latin representation, and that's a pretty big deal for me. Although apparently neither Walking Dead likes African American characters (despite the showrunner's insistence that it's merely a coincidence of casting) thanks to three Black characters dying in two episodes, it's great to see focus on a non-White family for once.  Speaking of, Madison and Alycia (the daughter who's still kept out of the loop for some stupid reason) both deal with African American death in their own way. Alycia's boyfriend Matt was attacked and is slowly becoming a zombie (off screen for both of those things, thankfully) and Madison come across a zombified version of her former boss as she combs her school for her son's drugs. Although it's a weird idea, the show tells us it's smart by having the audience speak through some kid whose name I forgot. Honestly, he was the only kid clued into the whole thing and it's a shame he won't be around for the other episodes. Anyhoo, Nick and Alycia end up sharing some good character moments when Nick seizures. It's a little too on the nose given the moment, but I'll take it.  Observations:  This episode is one of transitions and sets the pace for the rest of the season. It'll be interesting to see where it goes, but waiting two more weeks is f**king ridiculous. Just should've waited another week to premiere it. Get your head out of your butt, AMC.  Seriously, it's a little suspicious given all of these black character deaths are just "casting coincidences." Someone's got to keep a better eye on that.  During Walking Dead season six, there'll be a 30 minute short, taking place on an airplane headed for LA, that'll introduce a character for season 2. Who knows what the character'll be like, but I don't really care. They should really focus on developing clashing familial ideologies.  I'm putting a lot of faith in the show representing these Latin character properly. They're Catholic, since one was already praying, so hey it might be good.  One last thing, love the constant alarms and sirens in the background. Always reminds the audience that stuff is going down. 
FTWD Recap photo
Yeah, pretty much
After Fear the Walking Dead's first episode set its slow burning tone for the rest of the season, and thus set it further apart of The Walking Dead's current craziness, it left a lot of folks wanting. Opinions were divided as...


Box Office Numbers photo
Box Office Numbers

Box Office Numbers: No Vaseline


Aug 31
// Nick Valdez
As we all figured, Straight Outta Compton is still dominating the box office. It released at just the right time as the Summer was winding down and the award season is still a few weeks away. It's not like it would've got swa...
Box Office Numbers photo
Box Office Numbers

Box Office Numbers: Still Outta Compton


Aug 24
// Nick Valdez
As Summer comes to an end, Straight Outta Compton is free to reign until it's all over. It's a weak release weekend for sure, but Compton's intake doubles every other film's with $26 million. So glad it's caught an audience, ...

Fear the Walking Dead Series Premiere Recap: Pilot

Aug 24 // Nick Valdez
Fear starts promising enough. Opening on Nick (Frank Dillane) post-drug induced coma in a dingy church, he's the first character in the series to witness a zombie attack. Naturally, he assumes the woman in question is freaking out badly and runs into a passing car. This sets a pretty great direction for the rest of the episode since the account of the attack comes from an unreliable source. But while we all know there's an apocalypse brewing, Nick's mother Madison (Kim Dickens) and her second husband Travis (Cliff Curtis, who's always hired to play a vaguely ethnic character) have their hands full trying to bring Nick back into the familial fold.  The only problem with this major addiction story is that we've seen it all before, and the same can be said for the entire episode overall. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind stories with a lot of set up, but it's got to feel like it's going somewhere. It's pretty much a stretched out version of the first ten minutes you see in most zombie apocalypse films and at times it certainly comes off that way. But there's certainly enough here to keep me attached as Nick's story is pretty compelling. Sure it's going to lead to the whole "withdrawal while zombies attack" or "need for a fix puts everyone at risk" plot contrivance, but focusing the story on an unhinged individual works wonders creatively. Take a look at the Summer's biggest hit, Mr. Robot, for a better example of that. It certainly could work if done properly.  As the show moves forward and focuses more on this family deals with the impending trauma, the skimpier plots will work themselves out. Nick's sister Alycia is a well-off student on her way to college and to "escape" from her family's troubles, but right now she's focused on her boyfriend that's gone mysteriously missing. I'm waiting for the inevitable "you ruined my life" fallout, but the longer the show keeps her in a stagnant role the worse it'll be for all of us. In fact, the rest of the family gets eye to eye with the second zombie while she's literally sent home. Treating women and minorities terribly was a conceit of the original series' first couple of seasons, but since one of the problems worked itself out there, I'm hoping the same happens here. Then again, Madison's entire plot is wrapped around her son. Soooo, I don't really know what to think.  Observations: There's a "man vs. nature" speech lol Nick starts the show wearing a shirt no human being has ever worn ever. Speaking of Nick, Frank Dillane is the best actor of this whole thing. Having him at the show's center will definitely do wonders for the rest of the cast.  The urban setting will eventually lead to more Latinos, something the original show's Atlanta setting never amounted to. I guess non-whites never made it to Georgia since they're too busy dying all the time on that damn show.  While I love Cliff Curtis, I don't like how he's become the go-to race guy. But at least his character is Maori, too.  While fans will certainly miss the massive zombie attacks, the ones here are personal. That stings way more than a generic mass ever could. 
FTWD Recap photo
Shuffling slowly
It's pretty much guaranteed Fear the Walking Dead's premiere will be compared to The Walking Dead's first episode. While the latter's premiere gave birth to a juggernaut, Fear most likely will be unfavorably, and unfairly, ju...

Scouts Trailer photo
Scouts Trailer

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse Red Band Trailer is full of zombie boobs and cats


Aug 21
// Nick Valdez
Zombie movies are a dime a dozen. Everything and anything you can think has probably been done at this point, so each zombie film is already starting in a hole. The best thing any film can do is be just kooky enough to stand ...
Hell and Back photo
Hell and Back

Red Band Trailer for stop motion comedy Hell and Back is trying way too hard


Aug 21
// Nick Valdez
R rated films are extremely rare films, let alone stop motion animation, so I really wanted this first trailer for Hell and Back to succeed. It's certainly got the pedigree as it's handled by the same animation studio that wo...
FTWD photo
FTWD

Watch Fear the Walking Dead premiere's opening scene


Aug 21
// Nick Valdez
Regardless of what you think of The Walking Dead, it's become this juggernaut of a thing. I'm not into much anything going on, yet I still park my butt every Sunday and watch it with everyone else. It's the closest we'll ever...

Review: Hitman: Agent 47

Aug 19 // Nick Valdez
[embed]219790:42560:0[/embed] Hitman: Agent 47Director: Aleksander BachRated: RRelease Date: August 21, 2015 Based on IO-Interactive's Hitman series, Agent 47 follows Katia (Hannah Ware) a woman with mysterious heightened skills searching for her father, a man who once ran a covert government (which government? Who cares!) experiment that lead to the creation of super soldiers with highly advanced tactical skills known as "Agents." When Agent 47 (Rupert Friend) claims he's trying to help save Katia and her father from Syndicate agent John Smith (Zachary Quinto), she doesn't know who to believe and must decide whether or not to rely on her mysterious abilities to survive. As you can probably gauge from the synopsis, 47 is as generic as they come. It's a trite plot that doesn't waste time with intricacies or honest characterization. But in the same vein, the flow of the film benefits from the lack of plot or heavy knowledge of the characters. For example, Rupert Friend is "fine" as Agent 47. The film specifically doesn't ask much more of him than to be an emotionless blank slate, but it's strangely never boring. It adds an interesting air of sterility to the film that pushes all of the violence of the film into hilarious territory (since the grit stands out so much). When you watch a guy listlessly kill a guy with a bible while a techno-metal soundtrack blares in the background, you can't help but laugh.  It's almost as if the film is trying to replicate the videogame series in that sense. By having a blank slate as the main character, 47 is trying its best to capture the feeling of experiencing the beats of the story through a direct avatar. It doesn't always work since cinema fundamentally can't connect with an audience at such a base level, but that's why 47 makes the inspired decision to choose a different main character. Rather than follow the blank slate, we're supposed to care about Katia. While that doesn't quite work either since she eventually collapses into the violent world of the film, it allows 47 to be "inhuman" for a bit and lets the audience enjoy how ridiculous the film's world is. It's a near perfect action formula which almost feels nostalgic in the way it wants us to just enjoy this guy shooting other guys.  Evidence of this is 47's fantastically storyboarded opening. With airs of Terminator, two agents follow Katia. The "inhuman" 47 does this awesome slow walk (but thanks to his emotionless state, the film believes in its audience enough to infer that he's walking with pompous confidence), while Quinto's John Smith has this awesome Kyle Reese vibe. Then they fight on the subway tracks and the film becomes a cartoon. It's pretty awesome. To explain why it turns into Terminator would give away the fun of the opening, but it really isn't a big twist if you've seen these films before. Although the plot is generic, Agent 47 does whatever it can to make everything else super fun: action sequences are faithful to the videogames as 47 uses the environment around him to take down a room, the bad dialogue makes the banter between the action hilarious, and the soundtrack seems overbearing at first but eventually subsides.  I'm left wondering whether or not I was "supposed" to enjoy Hitman: Agent 47 in the way I did. The film begs the question of whether or not we're "supposed" to laugh with it or at it. After writing my thoughts down here, I think it's a little bit of both columns. Hitman: Agent 47 is full of intentional goofy choices in order to keep the film fresh. Unlike films that try and be a bad movie in order to reach a cult status, 47 doesn't care whether or not you're going to watch it later. It's invested in keeping you entertained now and doesn't care whether or not you're invested back.  While Hitman: Agent 47 is too generic of an action film for pure action fans, it's got enough flair to appease casual fans of its namesake. It's got bad dialogue, bland characters, but it's so brisk only some of that matters. Hitman: Agent 47 hits its target well enough I'd be interested in seeing what another of these can bring. 
Agent 47 Review photo
A near hit, man
Despite never quite getting a videogame adaptation right, studios are still trying to churn out film after film in order to hit that elusive sweet spot where they please both new audiences and fans of the original videogame. ...

Disney's Gigantic photo
Disney's Gigantic

Disney working on Jack and the Beanstalk animated musical, Gigantic


Aug 17
// Nick Valdez
Along with all the Star Wars and live action reboot first looks, last weekend's D23 Expo also revealed a good amount of Disney's in the works projects. One of the more exciting to pop out was Disney Animation's next film, Gig...
Box Office Numbers photo
Box Office Numbers

Box Office Numbers: Compton


Aug 17
// Nick Valdez
I love when Hollywood realizes there's a huge audience out there for films like Straight Outta Compton. I worry about biopics all the time, and I was worried Compton would suffer the same generic fate. But thanks to its timel...
Rogue One photo
One rogue, one love
Thanks to Disney's D23 Expo over the weekend, we've got a few interesting tidbits about the coming Star Wars movies and spin-offs. The biggest announcement by far is the cast additions to the first spin-off, which is now goin...

Schwarzenegger photo
Schwarzenegger

Here's every single explosion in every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie


Aug 14
// Nick Valdez
We here at Flixist love Arnold Schwarzenegger, but you know what we love more? Explosions. Thankfully, Arnold has answered our prayers and delivered unto us the video to end all videos. To promote Arnold's After-School All-St...
Jem Movie photo
Jem Movie

Listen to the Jem movie's first original song "Youngblood"


Outrageous?
Aug 14
// Nick Valdez
I'm rooting for Jem and the Holograms. Firstly because there's a good chance this film will inspire other films like it, and we need more girl power band films, and secondly, I don't feel like we've got a good look at the fi...
Cassius and Clay photo
Cassius and Clay

Archer creator's new post-apocalyptic show Cassius and Clay sounds amazing


Aug 11
// Nick Valdez
FXX has just picked up what might be the best animated series of 2016. To premiere alongside Archer (which is moving to FXX as a lead in), Cassius and Clay is a post-apocalyptic action comedy in the American South writte...
The Purge 3  photo
The Purge 3

Frank Grillo teases a 'politically charged' Purge 3


#CrimeDay, #CrimeDeux, and #CrimeTrois
Aug 11
// Nick Valdez
Back before The Purge: Anarchy released, I was one of the loudest voices against it. While The Purge had a neat idea, it squandered it on a simple home invasion movie. We even started the #CrimeDay game on our old podcast and...
Supergirl Trailer photo
Supergirl Trailer

Newest Supergirl trailer is a super tease


Aug 11
// Nick Valdez
Now that we're branching out to TV, I can finally talk about Supergirl on CBS. From part of the team that brought you Arrow and The Flash on The CW (which we'll definitely talk about soon), Supergirl will follow the life of K...
Box Office Numbers photo
Box Office Numbers

Box Office Numbers: Kim Possible


Aug 10
// Nick Valdez
Despite its best effort (or worst apparently, according to our review) Fantastic Four could not accept the impossible mission of taking the top box office spot over the weekend. Mission: Impossible remains a basic average gir...
Nightmare Reboot photo
Nightmare Reboot

Nightmare on Elm Street is getting rebooted...again


Nightmare on Reboot Street
Aug 06
// Nick Valdez
Just like Halloween, Friday the 13th, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Nightmare on Elm Street is getting yet another reboot. Not having learned their lesson from 2010's debacle (which I actually enjoyed, but it was largely i...
Agent 47 Trailer photo
Agent 47 Trailer

Newest Hitman: Agent 47 trailer hits you with its best shot


Aug 06
// Nick Valdez
Excuse the pun in the title but seeing as how this latest trailer for Hitman: Agent 47 goes all goofy with it, I don't see why that's a problem. Based on the Hitman videogame series, Agent 47 is about one super agent who kill...

Snaxist: Denny's Slamtastic Four Menu

Aug 05 // Nick Valdez
The Invisible Woman Slam Usually I take on these foods alone, so I had grown accustomed to getting one dish at a time. As I finished one I'd slowly make my way to the next in an effort to become one amorphous blob of constant digestion. But on this trip I hadn't calculated how bringing others would alter the rhythm and that was the first of my many, many mistakes. They had brought us all of the food at once (sans desserts because I'm not made of money, you jerks) and it was certainly a sight to behold. In fact, I had become intimidated by the beast in front me. Staring the lion in the eyes, frozen until one of us made our move. If I had been alone, this would've been the end of my journey. Thankfully, one of my compadres began eating and I snapped out of my fear coma.  The Invisible Woman Slam's main feature are its blueberry pancakes topped with other fruit as everything else is what you'd expect from a standard grand slam. Covered with a sickly sweet glaze from the fruit, it was quite tasty really. Pancakes weren't too doughy, and it was definitely better before you added syrup. Lots of soaked in flavors (without feeling like I ate a stick of butter), but very heavy. But this would be far from the heaviest thing on the menu.  The Fantastic Four-Cheese Omelette As this was the first dish I took on alone, I felt ill prepared. I had recently moved to New York and grown accustomed to a lighter diet lacking in all of the heavy meats and cheeses I used to eat back in my hometown of Viking Land. It's like I wanted to climb Mt. Everest after retiring thirty years prior. But like with any massive undertaking, I couldn't climb the mountain until I took the first step. But I was still so nervous. What would this beast do to me? How would I change? Could I just go back to the modern world once I've become one of the savages? So I took the first bite and, nevertheless, slowly became the monster I used to know.  The Fantastic Four Cheese Omelette (neglecting a representation for Mr. Fantastic since that dude's such a nerd, and nerds don't eat food) was touted as stuffed with cheddar, swiss, parmesan, and mozzarella cheeses and it certainly delivered on that front. As a startup meal (or if it's you're only dish seeing as how the rest of you are smart thinking adults) it's perfectly fine, but it's basically the same as any other omelette du fromage. I never did get my two pieces of toast though. I know I had I food mountain in front of me, but I feel like I really did miss out on that toast.  The Thing Burger  Before I knew it, the omelet was gone. I faded in and out slowly. The plates in front of me were just some random blurring motions. Yet, I still felt the hunger. It compelled me forward as my conscious mind begged for it to stop. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" "Please, stop." and "Is this truly what you want out of life?" were all questions my body seemed to ignore as I moved toward the next dish. I felt my jaw unhinge in order to completely destroy the meal in front me. In my savage mind, it was the only way. But my body was slowly changing. Palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy, and there was vomit on my sweater already, mom's spaghetti... The Thing Burger was the item I most looked forward to. It's the only truly different item on the menu as the other dishes are variations of ones available on the other movie menus. A burger patty topped with hash browns, bacon, an egg, and something called "The Thing Sauce" (seriously) all between two cheesy buns. It's the perfect breakfast burger, and I'll go as far to say it's the best thing on the new menu (pun intended). Each bite was great, and I'd imagine this would taste wonderfully after a night of getting drunk off your ass. Couldn't figure out what the sauce was as the taste of the burger kind of blended into one indistinct flavor (though the bottom bun was soaked from the grease), but at least the taste was interesting overall. Fries were good, too.  The Human Torch Skillet The burger was eliminated, so I was ready to move on to the final dish. But thanks to my inner turmoil, my monstrous form was weakened. Staring into the face of the dish's black abyss I thought of my family back home. What would they say if they saw me now? How would they judge what their son has become? Are you proud of me now, Ma? Are you proud of your son? Look what they've done to me! Look at what I've done to them! I've reached into the abyss and pulled out the heart of god!  The Human Torch Skillet is a spicy variation of the skillet available on Denny's other movie menus.  With jalapenos, pepper jack cheese (which I didn't notice until I packed the dish into a to go plate because it blended in with the egg) and pico de gallo, there was no way I could finish this. It's smothered in cholula (which is a smoky hot sauce) and that completely killed the rest of the dish's flavor. Even as I tried mixing it with the cheese or sausage, all I tasted was cholula. That's also why the dish was so dark. It's a shame since this could've been good. It's the furthest thing from spicy, and it's the furthest thing from tasty.  Overall, this was a fun trip and Denny's is the only restaurant that experiments with its food like this. Sure my stomach is pretty much demolished at this point, but I always love the madness of it all. But, sadly, I'll never be the same again. 
Snaxist photo
It's sloberrin' time
Every so often, there'll be a product with a spark of genius. Something that comes along and makes you think, "Why wasn't this a thing already?" like donuts based on Ghostbusters, Avengers cereal, and even that time Denny's c...

Deadpool Trailer photo
Motherf**ckers and avocados
We've been anticipating this first bit of footage for some time. After all of the talk, all of the images, all of those years stuck in development, and all of the advertising, Deadpool is actually film that exists. The traile...

Don't bother with MTV's Scream TV Series

Aug 04 // Nick Valdez
We're at the halfway point in the series (episode six is premiering later this evening), and I feel like I'm hate watching just to see how much worse things could get. This completely goes against the showrunners' initial philosophy of getting the viewers at home to care about the characters as much as possible before offing them one by one. It's also a terrible way to watch slasher films. When you start rooting for the killer themselves, the film isn't taken very seriously. Take mid-franchise Nightmare on Elm Street, for example. When those films started making themselves all about Freddy's antics (and only served to develop his personality rather than any of his victims), the goofy tone made it a horror franchise in name only. While there's definitely an audience for that kind of property, it's definitely not what MTV's Scream wants.  But I don't know where it all went wrong. Things started off sort of promising in the pilot episode (written by film series writer Kevin Williamson), but that episode was full of so many problems. Pointed dialogue, archetypes, and its intro, while well done, only mirrored the series' openings thus far. It seemed adapting the films was a fool's errand as Scream 4 completely destroyed its own existence already. The fourth film already did what you'd expect a modern Scream to do: used new technologies in an interesting way, break down existing archetypes, and establish a new status quo (which was, hilariously, the old one). So when the TV series seemed to be taking a step back, it already lost. It would've been fine had any of its new choices felt compelling.  What are those new choices? Existing in a universe completely separated from the films (its yet to be confirmed if the "Stab" movies exist, so I'll assume this is just a new timeline or something), it's set in a town named Lakewood where a killer named Brandon James once terrorized kids in a high school. The new Ghostface's mask is based on that guy's face, too. So the main mystery of the series is figuring out how much this new set of deaths has to do with the old one. But, five episodes in, I don't care about any of it. Everyone in this show is terrible. Terrible characters make for good TV all the time, but that's when there's adequate drama to be mined from their poor decisions. Here it just seems like there's some deficiency in each character's core that causes a disconnect with the audience. It doesn't help that there's a noticeable drop in quality in each episode where someone doesn't die.  For as many missteps Scream has had, there's definitely some hope. With only a few episodes to go before season end, there's plenty of potential for the show to hit that "so bad, it's good" sweet spot. Episode three "Wanna Play a Game?" was great in that regard. It was so bad, all of the terrible decisions actually coalesced into a great sequence. Spoiler, I guess if you still want to watch this show despite me asking you not to, one girl dies while facetiming and her last words are "I can see the stars." It's magical, and the series has yet to bring that same kind of ingenuity to the table again. I'm hoping that it'll happen once more, but that's a thin hope. It's like hoping the garbage doesn't smell so bad after you've been forced to take in it so many times.  [embed]219713:42526:0[/embed] It might be gauche to judge a TV series based on a few episodes (judge the first one posted above for yourself), but I really tried to stick it out. After MTV announced it's getting a second season, I really don't see this working out. Unless it means we'll be getting a brand new cast and story each season, with some returning characters a la the Scream sequels, I can't see this show continuing. There's a semblance of an endgame in sight, but it's going to be quite a struggle to get there.  So why even struggle? Don't bother with this at all. 
MTV's Scream photo
Do you like scary TV shows? I'm sorry.
Back when MTV first announced they were developing a pilot based on the Scream films, I thought it was a great idea. I have a huge fondness for the films themselves, and barring Scream 3, no other series did more for the slas...

Review: Dragonball Z: Resurrection 'F'

Aug 04 // Nick Valdez
[embed]219696:42515:0[/embed] Dragonball Z: Resurrection 'F'Director: Tadayoshi YamamuroRated: NRRelease Date: August 4-12, 2015 Sometime after the events of the last film Dragonball Z: Battle of Gods, and a few years after the end of Dragonball Z, the remaining commanders in Frieza's army use the titular dragonballs (seven mystical items that grant anyone who collects them two wishes) to bring the long dead villain, Frieza (Chris Ayres), back to life. Seeking revenge against Goku (Sean Schemmel) for his loss, Frieza trains for a few months for their ultimate showdown. Now that Goku, Vegeta (Christopher Sabat), and Frieza have reached a new level of power, it's time for them to settle years of regret and anger. That's quite a bit of story for an hour of punches, right? That's exactly why the film deserves your attention.  I should state this right off the bat: There isn't a lot to attach to if you're not a regular fan of the series. It's made with a certain demographic in mind, and because of that, there's quite a hurdle to overcome. Not narratively, as what little story therein is easy to follow for both newcomers and old fans of the series drawn for a nostalgic romp, but grasping what exactly Dragonball Z is and why the film's conflict is so special. In terms of introductions, however, there isn't a better encapsulation of the series' tone and characters. So to make this review easier, the rest of this will be written with the intended audience and fans in mind.  There have been numerous Dragonball films over the years, but they've all been non-sequitur works which never tied into the series proper. Resurrection benefits from both past and future influences, and it gives the punches thrown in the film (which you can always argue as superfluous) added weight. The film's enemy, Frieza, isn't some random alien or purple cat god, it's a villain with an entire "saga" worth of backstory and thankfully the character work done here can pull from it. In fact, the villain's even a bit sympathetic as you realize he's just a privileged kid who lost for the first time. The film wonderfully highlights this as Frieza becomes more and more visibly frustrated as the film rolls on (which is why he's one of the better villains of the series). Goku and Vegeta also get some great character work in as Resurrection takes their arcs to the next logical step. Now that they've grown to such a power level they're essentially gods, Goku is now an awesomely condescending fighter brimming with confidence. And although the finale takes away a huge moment for Vegeta (that could've settled a series long character arc, but runs from it) Vegeta and Goku have some great bits with one another. There're also some nice scenes for the rest of the "Z Fighter" gang who're usually pushed to the sidelines. After some explanation (which actually makes sense story wise), every one is on an equal playing field. And without dragging in some of the weaker cast, each fighter gets a chance to shine. It's going to be a major pleasure for fans to see these guys back in action, for sure.  On the technical end, the film is absolutely gorgeous. Fully representative of the series, the fights take characters through various landscapes instead of the standard cliffs you'd usually see, movement is slick, and as one of the last proponents for traditional hand drawn animation it's great to see it succeed fully. Other than some odd looking CG that really take you out of the moment, the main fight between Goku and Frieza is a Dragonball fan's dream. I wish the fight between the two would've looked this way all those years ago.  While it's definitely not for everyone, Dragonball Z: Resurrection 'F' hits all the high points with the folks it's meant for. Capturing both the spirit of the original series and hope for the future, this is a full blown revival. Dragonball used to dominate action cartoons, and it's come back to take the crown once more.  Neither gods, hundred strong armies, or golden alien super monsters can stop this juggernaut. 
Dragonball Z Review photo
A legend reborn
Dragonball Z holds a special place in my heart. It was my first experience with more adult oriented action shows, and it changed my childhood for the better. All these years later, here's a brand new movie featuring one of th...

Naruto photo
Naruto

Believe it, a live action Naruto adaptation is in the works


Dattebayo
Aug 03
// Nick Valdez
In an effort to make everything you've ever possibly loved into a movie, the searched has moved over to Japan and its ever growing collection of manga comics and anime. One of the more famous over there, Naruto, a comic serie...
Pez photo
Pez

Pez is getting a movie for some reason


Aug 03
// Nick Valdez
SERIOUSLY WHO IS DOING THIS TO US? F**king Smarties would've made a better movie than this. Or Fruit Stripe. Or Runts. Or basically every other terrible candy.  “PEZ Candy is beloved by children and adults alike, with Cameron Fay we’ve created a world unique to Pez and a story that will touch the hearts of many.” UGH WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY [via Collider]
Box Office Numbers photo
Box Office Numbers

Box Office Numbers: Gone Roguin'


Aug 03
// Nick Valdez
Dethroning Ant-Man, Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation conquered the top of the box office with $56 million. As we're reaching the tale end of Summer, we don't have a lot of big releases left over. So I'd expect M:I to hold s...
2oolander photo
Water is the essence of wetness...
We've known about Zoolander 2 for quite some time, but after its cool release date announcement we never got a look at the film until now. This brief teaser is all too brief since it doesn't give us a look at the actual film...


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