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Matthew Razak

Adam Sandler photo
Adam Sandler

Adam Sandler's next Netflix movie, The Meyerowitz Stories, has a trailer


Could Sandler actually act this time?
Aug 16
// Matthew Razak
Here's a dirty little secret Adam Sandler seems intent on keeping under wraps: the man can act. Back in the day he seemed to be on the verge of pulling his comedy career into something more with films like Punch Drunk Love, b...
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Officially Official: Daniel Craig returning for Bond 25


Super confirmed
Aug 16
// Matthew Razak
There was a bit of a kerfuffle yesterday when Daniel Craig mentioned on a radio interview that nothing was finalized with him being in Bond 25. Turns out that was a lie as the actor had obviously agreed to super duper double ...
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Do you want more Conjuring/Annabelle movies?


And why would anyone buy that doll?
Aug 14
// Matthew Razak
I liked The Conjuring well enough, and I do find creepy dolls really creepy, but of all the horror franchises in existence to have a horror "universe" born out of it I would not for a moment have guessed it would be...
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Annabelle

See Annabelle: Creation early and free


Washington DC and Baltimore screenings
Aug 04
// Matthew Razak
If you had told me that The Conjuring would spawn a franchise of horror films over the coming years from its release I would have been pretty surprised. Yet here we are with a sequel to a spin-off from that film. Who kno...

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The Dark Tower TV series is still happening and has a producer


Another chance at another turn
Aug 04
// Matthew Razak
The Dark Tower movie is out and it's a bit of a let down, but that isn't going to stop production companies MCR and Sony from trying to move this thing into a full blown franchise. News has come that Glen Mazzara of...

Review: The Dark Tower

Aug 04 // Matthew Razak
[embed]221796:43721:0[/embed] The Dark TowerDirector: Nikolaj ArcelRelease Date: August 4, 2017Rated: PG-13 The Dark Tower is one of those movies that you're going to get a lot more out of if you've read the books despite the fact that it is really only loosely based on them at all. There are hints and allusions to bigger things that readers will pick up on, but much of the massive quest that Roland (Idris Elba), Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor) and their ka-tet (those bound by fate) go on in the books as they confront the Man in Black/Walter (Matthew McConaughey) is missing. The film pieces together key parts here and there, dropping entire characters in what feels like an attempt to put much of the quest into a 90 minute running time.  In our world we find Jake having dreams of the Dark Tower and the Man in Black/Walter, a powerful wizard who can kill simply by telling people to stop breathing. He is nigh-invulnerable and more akin to a comic book super villain than the mysterious trickster of the books. Using the "shine" of children kidnapped from the many worlds that are all connected by the tower, Walter is attempting to destroy it in order to let the blackness in from the outside. Enter the gunslingers of Mid-World, of which Roland is the last one. His sole quest is to kill Walter in order to get revenge for the death of his father and the fall of his homeland Gilead. Eventually Jake, who is gifted with the most powerful amount of shine ever, finds his way into Mid-World and the two set off on a universe-hopping quest to stop Walter. That, my friends, is the least complicated way of explaining the plot that the film has attempted to cram into a 90 minutes. There's a lot of lore and other items that get shoved in here and there too, but instead of opening up the story all the different themes and myths make it more obtuse and unfocused. As a reader of the books I understood a lot of the background that was going on and where ideas came from, but coming from an outside perspective it must feel more like idea vomit -- a bunch of tropes pushed onto the screen one after the other. It makes for a flat film that peaks the few times it focuses on its characters and not the world. Those characters do work, but thanks to the limited running time we never really get to know them. Idris Elba's gunslinger shows hints of the depth behind his fantastically stoic front, but he's never able to turn it into anything thanks to the movie heavily focusing on the far less interesting Jake and overplaying Walter. McConaughty is fantastically slimy as the wizard/magician/evil-person, and a far better choice of casting than I thought he would be, but instead of an air of mystery about the character they turn him into a big bad that plays generic. Taylor meanwhile plays Jake well enough for a child actor, but as the linchpin for the film his character feels more like a McGuffin than an actual person.  This isn't all to say that The Dark Tower is a bad movie, but instead of the tent pole of a large franchise it feels like a half-baked standalone. In that light it could be seen as a moderate success, delivering some interesting concepts here and there. Roland's gun fighting shines every so often as interesting, and Walter's ability to have people do anything he wants is played up for effect pretty well. The action itself is pretty interesting, but limited as well. Roland's expertise with the six-shooters delivers some memorable moments, but Arcel can't piece together a coherent enough action sequence to make anything truly stand out. There's things that work here, just not in a big picture way. They work in a single scene way. Walter's nearly unlimited super powers are a great example of this. They seem immeasurable and unstoppable, which makes for some enjoyably evil scenes, but on the whole make more of a mess. They raise questions about why a man who can hurl massive chunks of buildings that could easily crush our hero doesn't do just that the second he wants to. Roland is supposedly a bit immune to Walter's magic, but he's clearly not immune to being crushed, stabbed, or run over by large objects, which in turn are not immune to Walter's ability to hurl them through the air at Roland.   This leads directly to the biggest issue the film may have. Since Walter is turned into a super villain instead of the enigmatic torturer of Roland he no longer acts as a convincing foil. The great metaphorical duel between the two characters is nothing more than a shootout since the film doesn't spend any time developing the cat and mouse game it wants the two to be playing. There is no true tension there. Roland and Jake's relationship is a bit better, with the replacement father/son story line giving charm to the two, but it again often feels forced thanks to the movie's breakneck pace to get to its conclusion. I do have to applaud the film for avoiding a direct adaptation. While King's first book in the series could have maybe kind of been turned into a film it would have been a mess from there out. Instead The Dark Tower takes a cue from the books and presents the story as the last time around the wheel (another reference fans will love, but newcomers won't understand). It's a good move that means the film (and still in the works TV show) can forge their own path that isn't bound by the idiosyncrasy of the books, and if the movie was anything other than dull it could have worked. I stress this because I'm not upset that the film isn't like the books, but that it isn't that good on its own. The Dark Tower series has some magic in its world that is engrossing, but this movie can't find it. It's not an issue with ignoring the source material, it's an issue of making a good movie. 
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The elevator pitch of an epic
If you've read Stephen King's prolific Dark Tower saga you know it's a weird, wonderful, flawed, brilliant, mess of an epic that touches so many genres it's hard to classify it at all. It bounces from western to sci...

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See Wind River early and free


Washington DC screenings
Aug 02
// Matthew Razak
I'll admit I have next to no knowledge about Wind River. It just hasn't been on my radar, but that doesn't mean it isn't on your radar. It was definitely on some of our staff's radar at the beginning of the year. If it is I'v...
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The Dark Tower is the latest blockbuster to be filled with production problems


This is becoming a thing
Aug 02
// Matthew Razak
Based on reports from some inside sources Variety is reporting that The Dark Tower had a very rock production. This might not come as a surprise since the entire process of bringing Stephen King's book series to any size...
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See The Dark Tower Early and free


Washington DC screenings
Jul 31
// Matthew Razak
I am so incredibly worried about The Dark Tower. The series of Stephen King books that the film is based on is some of my favorite writing, but this movie doesn't really look much like them. It's got a good cast, but the stud...
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Who the hell paid for The Emoji Movie?


This is why we can't have nice things
Jul 31
// Matthew Razak
Guys, The Emoji Movie made $25.6 million this weekend. That puts it on track to easily eclipse its $50 million budget, and turn Sony a profit. That more than likely means there will be a sequel. There is a high...

Review: Atomic Blonde

Jul 28 // Matthew Razak
[embed]221777:43713:0[/embed] Atomic BlondeDirector: David LeitchRelease Date: July 28, 2017Rated: R Atomic Blonde definitely comes from the same school as John Wick. It's director, David Leitch, is a stuntman turned director (he'll be helming Deadpool 2 as well) and it involves a trained killer who is better at their job than anyone else. The kind of action hero who can easily dispatch a group of henchman quickly and easily. From there things are different. Atomic Blonde unfolds in Berlin the week before the wall comes tumbling down. As such it is cram full of double crosses, unreliable narrators, and complex plot points. We find British secret agent Lorraine Broughton (Charlize Theron) being sent off to Berlin after an important list full of all of Britain's spies falls into a corrupt Russian spy's hands. Lorraine meets up with David Percival (James McAvoy) in Berlin to solve what's happened. Of course no one is what they seem, twists and turns abound, and at one point or another you'll be scratching your head because the plot isn't making sense... yet. Like any good spy thriller (and the graphic novel the film is based on) Atomic Blonde plays its cards close to its chest. And like any bad spy film Atomic Blonde thinks its a bit more clever than it actually is. It lands somewhere in the middle of greats like Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy and needlessly complex messes like Mission: Impossible 2. Some of its turns make complete sense, and the film's structure help deliver them wonderfully, while at other points the plot seems forced, with direction only confusing the mess. The best spy films leave you realizing that you could have seen it all along if you'd been paying attention, but Atomic Blonde's story is delivered without enough panache to do this. It all leads to a plot that feels like it has a few too many endings, and not enough actual resolution. Thankfully, almost every other aspect of the film makes up for this. We can start with the fights and the action sequences, which are savage to the point of cruelty. The very first hit in this movie is a man getting a stiletto heel to the neck (a fantastic wink to the bucking of the normal gender of action heroes), and it just gets more brutal from there on out. Every punch, hit, kick, gunshot, crash, slap, and stab feels as painful as it actually is. This isn't James Bond where a ten minute fist fight leaves him looking fresh as daisies. These fights land blows and they leave their combatants gasping for air, staggering around and eventually dead. A positively ferocious stairwell fight scene tumbles into an apartment then out onto a street and then into a car chase, all in "one" camera shot and over the course of 20 minutes or so. It's probably the best action sequence I've seen since The Raid 2. The fights alone make this movie worthwhile. However, Leitch actually has an eye for direction outside of fisticuffs as well. The almost hyper-sexuality of the film is handled in ways that don't feel exploitative thanks to direction that makes everything feel matter of fact, and while the plot is complex and often does no favors to itself he at least keeps the scenes coherent. He may lose the overall picture at times, but from scene to scene things work. There's a wonderfully 80s feel to the way he shoots and lights everything, with a glowing neon color scheme infusing half the film, and dull greys dominating the other so as to visually represent the pull between the crime and drug fueled east with the totalitarianism west. Leitch's direction is a hell of a lot smarter than many are going to give him credit for even if he can't keep the film's story feeling clever. And then there is Theron, who plays her role with a cool, steely iciness that you rarely see in female characters, in or out of action films. Even in brutal fight sequences that have her character bleeding and near death she seems in complete control. There's no questioning her ability to take on even the largest, most "manly" opponent because that's not the character and that's not how Theron plays it. Much like her Imperator Furiosa, Theron imbues her character with an awesome that makes you think not about her sex, but about how much of a badass she is. It helps she did the majority of her own fights as well, and doesn't look out of place doing them. It lets Leitch keep his camera still for the most part instead of cutting constantly to mask inefficiencies in her ability.  Atomic Blonde is definitely worth seeing if that's all you're wondering. It's a great action movie, and a decent enough spy thriller. When it falters the action is there to pick it up even if it sometimes takes a bit of time to get to said action. We may not have a new classic on our hands, but there's 20 straight minutes of action in here that should go down in cinematic history.  
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Charlize Theron can fight
Atomic Blonde looks like one of those scrappy little action flicks that has a slow burn of success. Think of things like John Wick or Taken. Films that succeed because they're cram full of action and their...

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IMAX to back away from 3D movies


More like 3Sucks, right?
Jul 27
// Matthew Razak
I'm not a 3D movie hater. I think in the right hands 3D can make an incredibly movie. In fact I know it can. The sad thing is that directors don't usually film for 3D. They just shoot a 2D movie with 3D cameras. There's no us...
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First full trailer for IT makes it really hard to write a story about it without the pronoun it


Thank goodness for italics
Jul 27
// Matthew Razak
IT is finally here. Or the remake of it is finally here. Stephen King's classic horror story already had a TV version that made us all insanely afraid of clowns (or at least Tim Curry dressed up as a clown), but now...
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James Cameron is looking to launch a new Terminator trilogy


I'll be back... again and again and agia
Jul 26
// Matthew Razak
So the Terminator franchise reboot hasn't gone as planned... either time. Obviously the franchise is still considered a moneymaker for whatever reason, but no one seems to be able to get a successful film out of it anymo...
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Henry Cavill's mustache will need to be digitally removed for Justice League reshoots


Oh, they're also costing a crap ton
Jul 25
// Matthew Razak
Jusitce League came out of SDCC looking pretty rosy all things considered. There was a great new poster and a new trailer, and everyone cheered really loudly. But let's all please remember who we're talking about he...
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Star Trek: Discovery's SDCC trailer is full of drama


And yet another ship getting destroyed
Jul 24
// Matthew Razak
I really wish that CBS would put out a trailer or something that made me feel confident in exactly what Star Trek: Discovery is. Am I supposed to be watching something from the original Trek universe or not? They say it'...
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Do we really all hate franchises and sequels?


Box office recap
Jul 24
// Matthew Razak
Here's a fun fact: Dunkirk is the first number one opening for a non-franchise movie of the summer. Every other weekend during this summer has been led by a movie that is either a sequel or part of a major franchise...
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WB may be looking to ditch Ben Affleck as Batman... but gracefully


Michael Keaton comeback!
Jul 21
// Matthew Razak
Ben Affleck's Batman has been on a rocky road of life, but after being the only saving grace of Dawn of Justice I thought we'd at least get another four or so movies out of him. However, from the moment Sad Affleck came ...
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Rocko's Modern Life returning for one hour even more modern special


I'd wear Rocko's shirt in a heartbeat
Jul 21
// Matthew Razak
Rocko's Modern Life wasn't my favorite Nicktoon. It came out in the second (or third?) wave of Nicktoons where I was just getting a bit too old and "cool" to watch (until I got older and "cooler" and started watching aga...
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Netflix's Bright trailer has will Smith taking on orc criminals


You know... as you do
Jul 21
// Matthew Razak
Despite the giant pile of crap that was Suicide Squad, David Ayers is still a director I get excited for. And despite his recent spate of lackluster films, Will Smith is still an actor I think can deliver some great performan...
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First trailer for The Snowman cuts off some heads


The Swedes are messed up
Jul 19
// Matthew Razak
First, I have to apologize. With an October 20 release date, and the title The Snowman you may have thought that this was a remake of the classic horror film Jack Frost. It both happily and sadly is not. It is a thriller...
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First A Wrinkle in Time trailer brings style to a classic


It's OK to get excited now
Jul 17
// Matthew Razak
Our first look at Ava DuVernay's A Wrinkle in Time left me a little underwhelmed. I just wasn't seeing the sort of magic that the book captured. The first trailer, however, is bringing back my excitement. This looks pret...
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We just got a press release from the Emoji Movie celebrating World Emoji Day


I hate everything
Jul 17
// Matthew Razak
This is it. This is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a poop emoji and a low quality image flung together in a desperate attempt to be relevant to "the kids." Fuck you, Sony.
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Is Planet of the Apes the best modern trilogy?


Box office recap
Jul 17
// Matthew Razak
With War for the Planet of the Apes opening at number one this weekend, toppling a insanely strong second showing from Spider-Man: Homecoming, we've been asking ourselves whether or not there's a better modern film trilo...
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The next Doctor will be announced on Sunday


Please be a woman
Jul 14
// Matthew Razak
This coming Christmas Peter Capaldi will be leaving the role of the Doctor in Doctor Who and someone new will be taking over. Rumors have been flying left and right over who will be the next Doctor with rumors swirling a...
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Star Trek: Discovery hired fans and canon experts to stay accurate


Guess they heard people yelling
Jul 14
// Matthew Razak
In a story that kind of reeks of covering their asses after many on the web raised valid concerns about the show looking like it wouldn't fit into the established canon, Alex Kurtzman (the shows producer) "revealed" that the ...
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Our first look at Ava DuVernay's A Wrinkle in Time


Not that great a look
Jul 12
// Matthew Razak
A Wrinkle in Time is an awesome book... I think. I know I read it twice when I was younger, and I know I loved it, but if you asked me about it all I could tell you is that there's a scene where the three "three chimeric...
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Charlie Sheen's 9/11 movie will actually be released


Other people agreed to be in this
Jul 12
// Matthew Razak
I'm not sure if this is hilarious or offensive or something else entirely, but a Charlie Sheen led film about 9/11 is coming out. The sheer idea of Sheen in any movie that isn't a satirical commentary on the man's own existen...
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What it will take to get Christopher Nolan to direct Bond?


Evidently not the 500 letters I've sent
Jul 10
// Matthew Razak
Rumors and rumblings of Christopher Nolan directing a Bond film have been flying around forever. The director has openly spoken about his love for the character and the producers have openly said he'd be a great fit. If Sam M...
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How big is the dump truck full of money?
After Spectre came out Daniel Craig was not too kind to the chances of him ever playing Bond again. The role is an incredible amount of pressure and the shooting is often stressful so he had some choice words about retur...

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Netflix's Castlevania series renewed for season 2


A lot of viewers this morning, I guess
Jul 07
// Matthew Razak
We're pretty used to movies getting sequels before they're even released (hell, some get them before they even begin shooting), but television has been slower to pick up on the trend. Probably because they want to avoid awkwa...
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First trailer for Kidnap has Halle Berry yelling a lot


Like Taken with a mini-van
Jul 07
// Matthew Razak
I'm not quite sure what Kidnap is going for here. I mean, I guess I know what they're going for. They want to make a revenge thriller for a low-budget that catches on like Taken did, but I'm not really sure they kno...
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The Greatest Showman's first trailer shows off a weird musical biopic combo


Hugh Jackman should be in every musical
Jun 28
// Matthew Razak
I'm pretty sure that there are many, many issues not represented in the upcoming The Greatest Showman, a biopic and musical about P.T. Barnum and his famous circus. There's probably a lot of stuff about exploitation and shami...
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Bad Moms Christmas has a trailer involving moms at Christmas


Another surprise?
Jun 28
// Matthew Razak
Bad Moms was probably one of the biggest surprises of my movie watching career. From what looked like a low-budget cash in on raunchy, female-led comedies came a smart, and funny story that played with movie gender trope...

Review: Baby Driver

Jun 28 // Matthew Razak
[embed]221653:43629:0[/embed] Baby DriverDirector: Edgar WrightRated: RRelease Date: June 28, 2017 Don't worry. Baby Driver isn't a musical in the traditional sense. It doesn't have characters breaking out in song and spiraling into wild, Busby Berkley style dance numbers (unless you count car chases as dance numbers). Instead, it features Baby (Ansel Elgort), an expert driver who is forced into being the driver on a series of heists by Doc (Kevin Spacey). Through a series of events, Baby tries to pull himself away from a life of crime while falling for Debora (Lily James), a charming waitress he meets at a diner. The plot itself is a little thin, but that's because it's not really the point. What Wright wants to do with this film is turn soundtrack into character; make a film that flows as well as its soundtrack. It's a bold effort, and it makes the soundtrack the leading star. It's an absolutely fantastic soundtrack that runs the gamut from classic rock to modern rap, each song cued up with the film's editing and action. The excuse is that Baby has tinnitus so he's always listening to music to get rid of the ringing. What that results in is car chases cued wonderfully to songs, entire scenes edited to the beat of whatever Baby is listening to, and a soundtrack that often informs the film more than anything else going on on screen. It also means that every character is defined by the music, every choice bent around what's playing. Even the dialog is often a diatribe on the meaning of music to people, and in that aspect the film is endlessly interesting. Wright's direction of the action is just as interesting. His shots and editing go beyond coherent, which is a base we shouldn't have to applaud, but will thanks to having just seen The Last Knight. He weaves together brilliant plot, music, and real driving into some masterful sequences. The first 20 minutes of this movie are an almost perfect execution of Wright's "car chase musical" idea form the opening beats featuring “Bellbottoms” by The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion to the first moment that Baby's headphones sadly come off. Unfortunately, that marks a bit of a stumble for the film. The movie loses its thread a little bit once the full commitment to musical drops. Maybe it was impossible to really keep the entire film moving forward as a coherent whole while remaining faithful to the constant music (most musicals don't do that), but once the film ditches the idea to advance the plot it starts to lose some of its charm. There's still plenty of good to go around, and any time the film kicks back into car chase mode it picks the thread back up. But between these moments things get a little awkward. The movie still works, but it's disappointing it doesn't fully commit to its bold idea. Do not mistake a lack of fully successful execution with lack of quality. Part of the reason the film's inability to fully dive into its soundtrack-is-god style is so annoying is because what it's doing is so challenging and interesting, that when comes together it does it so well. This isn't some cheap gimmick like Suicide Squad tried to do. It's even a step up from Guardians of the Galaxy's use of soundtrack. It's a bold experiment in making music into a full blown character, and as an experiment it both works and fails. But man, when it works, like those first 20 minutes, it works so well.  I wish as much could be said for the story itself. While Baby and Deborah's story arc is pretty well flushed out, the rest of the characters lose a bit of push. This is especially true for Doc, who wavers between all out evil and a paternal gangster. With the focus on the music and action, the characters and their motivations get lost. The end of the film explodes into a bloody action flick that feels at odds with the almost charming tone of the rest of the film. Maybe this is a repudiation of the musical genre in general, and a wink at the soundtrack-as-character itself, but it feels almost like a cop-out. It's as if Wright realized he couldn't carry on his brilliant weaving of music and action so he just didn't. Baby Driver should be seen simply because it is such a bold and wonderful idea. It really does execute it well for most of the movie. That's why I kind of hate to say that it doesn't pull it off fully. That makes it sound like it has failed, but just trying to do this is a success. I'd rather have films that try something incredible and fall just a little short than ones that don't try at all.
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Fred Astaire meets Bullit
Edgar Wright is a director with a specific vision, and it's led him to make some of the most genre-bending films in the past decade, and some of the funniest. It's also led him to leave Ant-Man. How do you bounce back from so...

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Jon Watts most likely returning for Spider-Man: Homecoming 2


Also, that's no the title
Jun 26
// Matthew Razak
The sequel to Spider-Man: Homecoming was green lit the second Marvel and Sony decided to team up and bring Spidey into the MCU. I mean there's just no way it isn't going to make money and then the sequel will make money ...
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New image of shows of Star Trek: Discovery's teleportation bay


This isn't the Abrams-verse?
Jun 23
// Matthew Razak
All this week we've been getting scattered new images from Star Trek: Discovery as we get closer and closer to the show's September 24 premier date (the first episode will be aired on CBS with the rest on CBS's streaming...
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Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later trailer takes place ten years later


That is quite the list of cast members
Jun 22
// Matthew Razak
When Netflix first announced it was turning Wet Hot American Summer into a prequel TV series I popped some gum and made out like a bandit I was so excited. And then the show was just as weird and funny as the movie so I poppe...
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See Okja early and free


Washington DC screenings
Jun 21
// Matthew Razak
Bong Joon Ho's Okja is coming to Netflix soon, but if you'd prefer to see the movie in theaters we've got the chance. It's one of those movies that does look great on the big screen, and seeing it with an audience should...

Review: Transformers: The Last Knight

Jun 21 // Matthew Razak
[embed]221624:43613:0[/embed] Transformers: The Last KnightDirector: Michael BayRated: PG-13Release Date: June 21, 2017 Transformers: The Last Knight doesn't so much have a plot as it has a bunch of action sequences attached together by people saying words that make no sense. If you recall from the end of the last film, Optimus Prime launched himself into space to find the Autobots' creator. In his absence more Transformers have come crashing to earth and humanity has started to be dicks to them and rounding them up. Cade Yaeger (Mark Wahlberg) is hanging out with the Autobots from the last film, including Bumble Bee, as an outlaw who is trying to protect as many of his robot friends as his can. Then... I don't know... some things happen in no logical order. Anthony Hopkins shows up along with Laura Haddock, and everyone stands around spewing incoherent exposition until the next action sequence is cued up. My ongoing complaint with these movies has always been that these Transformer films aren't about the Transformers, and The Last Knight is the culmination of this. The first three quarters of this movie is almost entirely "human" interaction. I put human in quotes because no actual humans interact like the characters in this movie, unless I've missed some universal memo where we're all supposed to speak as if we're delivering important one-liners every other sentence. There is so much illogical plot in this film and none of it involves the Transformers we're coming to see. I'm not sure who thought that Cade Yaeger (god, could that name be any douchier) was an interesting character, but he's not and none of the other characters are either, and I CAME TO A TRANSFORMERS MOVIE TO SEE TRANSFORMERS! The saving grace of the previous films was always Optimus Prime, voiced as wonderfully as ever by Peter Cullen. Cullen somehow made stilted dialog into into epic speeches, and Prime's constant Saturday morning cartoon proselytizing somehow made the idiocy of the films more palatable. So what does The Last Knight do? Removes him from the plot until the third act! Any hope that the end of the last film signaled that we'd get a Transformers-focused film for once are instantly dashed in the opening scene as Prime is basically tied up and not mentioned again for the next hour and half. When he does return the movie instantly moves from "stab me in the eyes for the love of god kill me now" to "OK, just put me in a coma," but that's not much of an improvement, obviously. I will say that the action is actually better than the last film in terms of execution. Age of Extinction was a directorial mess in this department for a variety of reasons, but Bay seems to have put his brains back in his head this time around, and edited together some crisp sequences. The last battle actually pulls you to the edge of your seat, and you can follow what's going on instead of being lost in a blur of cuts. However, being better than the last film in terms of action wasn't a high bar to jump, and this one barely clears it. Action sequence aren't put together to be complete scenes, but instead more of a series of ideas that Bay clearly thought would be cool. At one point there's a time freezing gun, and at another gravity just randomly disappears. Sure it makes for some cool shots, but the action itself becomes illogically incoherent -- a series of camera swoops mushed together into explosion porn. Another not-actually-impressive feat is that the film somehow goes on (and on and on and on) for two-and-half hours. I know these films make a lot of money, but could someone please reign Bay in just a little bit? Even a tiny modicum of restraint in terms of action sequences, slow motion pans over a woman's body, or hapless exposition could have saved trillions of theater goer's brain cells. As it stands Bay and the screenwriters are basically allowed to do whatever the hell pops into their head. Entire characters are introduced and then ignored for most of the running time of the film, and most of them aren't even needed in the first place. At one point a WWI tank Transformer just sort of rolls up, makes a random explosion and then is never seen again. It's like Star Magic Jackson Jr. walked into a room of 4-year-olds and green lit whatever the hell they wanted.  It's also hard to honestly express just how many plot holes are in this film. Plot hole is too light a term. Plot black hole? Plot hell hole? Using the word plot anywhere near The Last Knight just seems wrong. There are literally moments in the movie where they just make a joke about not caring about a coherent plot. I suppose they hoped poking fun at their inability to develop logical reasons for the characters to progress from one point to another would distract us from that very fact, but none of the humor is that funny either. Everything comes straight out of action movie screenplay 101, and it couldn't feel more contrived. Romance. Check. Family. Check. Old guy saying a bad word. Check. It's all so pandering that I can't believe that audiences can't see what they're doing. We can't be this stupid to eat this up and laugh at tired jokes. There is always a defense of films like this that we're just supposed to shut our brain down and enjoy the ride. But this isn't a ride, it's a death trap. Yes, there are films that are great for just enjoying. Michael Bay himself has directed many of them, but Transformers: The Last Knight should not be enjoyed. Giving this movie money is re-enforcing everything wrong with the industry, and possibly everything wrong with the world. It is a mountain of turgid garbage. It is elephant vomit expelled into a pile of rotting corpses. If it was a person it would be going to a very special circle of hell. It is, for lack of a better word, bad.  You got us, Kaufman. You got us good. 
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I'm running out of synonyms for bad
Transformers: The Last Knight is proof that Andy Kaufman is alive. When the first film arrived it was a classic Michael Bay film. Yes, it was dumb, and full of stupid, but it had awesome action, and Optimus Prime, and it...


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