Vampires

Review: A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

Nov 25 // Megan Porch
[embed]218637:42000:0[/embed] A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night Director: Ana Lily Amirpour Release Date: November 21, 2014 Rating: NR There's a lot about this film that makes it a completely unique experience in the world of modern cinema. Shot completely in black and white, it has the look and feel of something that's much older than it actually is. Light and shadow play a huge part in the progression of this story. The vampire is silhouetted in black throughout most of the film, which helps her disappear into the darkness or stand out against street lamps. The special effects in it are very limited; seeing the vampire's fangs grow is about the only thing that stands out in that regard. For the overall feel of the movie, I'm glad they kept things as simple as they are. Anything more than that would have taken away from the mood and made things seem cheesy. Sheila Vand is a total revelation as the nameless vampire. There are moments in the film when she seems so vulnerable and young, but moments later, she's terrifying and ancient. Whenever she's on screen, she draws all attention to her, making the audience and the humans she interacts with wonder who she is and where she came from. And the thing is, we never really get an answer. She never tells Arash her name, and the audience never gets any sort of hint of how she was turned or how old she actually is. That was probably my favorite thing about the movie. I get so tired of origin stories when they're totally not needed. This girl is a vampire, and she hunts down scum in Bad City. That's all anybody needs to know, and the characters in the film know even less than that. Vand's co-star, Arash Marandi, plays a human man whose name is also Arash. The audience learns quite a lot about him throughout the film, which helps make up for the lack of a backstory for the vampire. Like all the other residents of Bad City, Arash is a lonely man trying to survive. He cleans houses to support himself, his father, and their pet cat. Marandi has an almost James Dean-esque quality about him. He comes across very cool in a lot of scenes in the film, but there are other times where he just seems like a guy who could use a friend. That's another thing about A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night that I liked a lot; for a movie about a vampire hunting down drug addicts, there is a lot of heart and humanity in its characters. Arash, for example, clearly takes a lot of pride in the fact he was able to afford a fancy car. The vampire finds a skateboard, and for the rest of the film, we see her gliding around the streets on it while looking for potential victims. There are tons of other little things that really make these characters seem like real people. Honestly, there was not a single thing about this movie that I didn't like. While it's definitely not the sort of thing a mainstream audience would enjoy, if you like vampires and you want to see something different, it's more than worth checking out. I have a feeling that A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night is easily on its way to being a classic, and I'm eager to see what Ana Lily Amirpour does next.
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Skateboarding vampire stalks ghost town.
 Every once in a while, a film comes along that takes a stale genre and makes it completely new and cool again. Ana Lily Amirpour's debut film, A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, is the vampire film that makes the creatur...

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Dracula Untold reshoots tie it into Universal's monster universe


Not everything has to end up in a team up movie, Hollywood
Oct 02
// Matthew Razak
Universal's monster movies may have actually been the forerunner to the modern "cinematic universe" trend we're seeing thanks to Marvel as they often crossed over with each other and had stylistic similarities, but that doesn...
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Only Lovers Left Alive trailer: Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston as vampires


Mar 07
// Liz Rugg
Only Lovers Left Alive features Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston as cultured vampire lovers, whose romance has lasted for centuries. They have evolved and become more civilized than the need to kill for blood, but retain a v...

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Twilight 5 Baby Drama

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 could have been worse


See the video of the terrifyingly awful "baby"
Nov 05
// Nick Valdez
Back when I reviewed The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, I admired the saga's balance of tones (I gave the film a 75, and still stand by it to this day) but I absolutely hated the film's cheap CG effects. For the first ...
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Vampire Academy Trailer

Second Vampire Academy trailer is pretty much the same


Nov 04
// Nick Valdez
Vampire Academy (dropping the Blood Sisters subtitle) is pretty much a movie made for me. It's got cute girls that are really cute vampires, it's adapted from the book by the same writer who wrote Heathers (which is one of t...

NYFF Review: Only Lovers Left Alive

Oct 14 // Hubert Vigilla
[embed]216442:40783:0[/embed] Only Lovers Left AliveDirector: Jim JarmuschRating: TBDRelease Date: December 5th, 2013 (Russia); December 19th, 2013 (Germany); Spring 2014 (US/UK) Only Lovers Left Alive feels like it could occupy a space alongside some of Jarmusch's classic films, like Stranger Than Paradise, Mystery Train, or Down By Law. There's a similar kind of playful boredom in the dialogue and the acting, as if everything's a little worn down and worn out and lived in too long. Occasionally the film gets too cute about name dropping and and its little references, like a precocious child that's eager to show off what he or she has learned from the cool aunt or uncle. The vintage guitars that Adam's obsessed with ooze vintage chic, sure, but for every smirking wink at the cultural treasures we long for, there's maybe a too-loving glance at a book that seems like it's given screen time for its indie cred. Still, the big references usually work. Take John Hurt's role. He plays the vampire Christopher Marlowe (yes, that Christopher Marlowe), and he has one of the funniest lines involving a long-standing literary conspiracy. When the film begins, our lovers are separated, though not in any romantic way. They're still very much in love. Eve is out in Tangier while Adam is out in Detroit. He's severely depressed, and even contemplates suicide, which isn't so easy for vampires. Eve eventually joins him in Detroit to cheer him up, and when they're together, there's a comfortable fondness about their every second in the same space. The passion muted but it's familiar and it's warm. When they're side by side or in each other's company, there's such a sense of ease, as if they really have had centuries of shared life between them. This gets a bit upended when Eve's little sister Ava (Mia Wasikowska) -- "not by blood" Eve deadpans -- shows up from Los Angeles. The snobbery of our lovers is rooted in their disdain for thoughtless humanity. They call the worst of the human race "zombies," one of those clever little ideas in a film full of them -- an elitist distinction among the undead. Of course the vampires are thinking, classy, brained-things; the dumb humans are the unthinking, crass, virtually brain dead things. So much of the film is tinged with a kind of regret about the world's impending end at the hands of the zombies, whether by pollution, by war, by overpopulation, or by just plain old human incompetence and shortsightedness. "Impending" may take ages -- what's another century when you've lived centuries? -- but given the population booms and the collapse of economies and cities, every day must seem like some part of a zombie apocalypse to Adam and Eve. Setting this sort of story in Detroit makes lots of sense. Jarmusch plays with the tropes of vampire mythology, keeping certain well-known ideas while discarding others to invent his own. One of the notable aesthetic additions is the wearing of leather gloves. I still have no idea what the rule is behind them, but it just looks cool. Jarmusch also adds a concern over the cleanliness of human blood. With so many drugs, pharmaceuticals, and pollutants entering people's bodies, the vampires need a pure supply so they don't get sick. Adam's got a hook-up with a steady stream of the clean stuff. This all puts me in mind of organic and GMO-free diets as well as notions of being authentic in the cred sense and also being straight edge. (Ironically, the vampires look like they're shooting up when they drink blood, their fangs visible and coated in a dark red that's the color of cough syrup.) Like most Jarmusch movies, Only Lovers Left Alive isn't driven by plot. Instead, it seems driven by a mood and the slow exploration of this mood. The funny stuff takes place in the quiet moments, and as vampires, Adam and Eve are sort of perfect beings to deliver the deadpan dialogue. They've seen too much to be too shocked, but they at least register a quiet bemusement. It's the difference between actually laughing at a joke and just saying "That's funny." Maybe most Jarmusch movies have secretly been vampire movies. I might need to watch Only Lovers Left Alive again to figure out how I really feel about the film as a whole. I was pleasantly entertained, but I didn't quite get the immediate hit I sensed from watching Down By Law or Night On Earth. It's not that the human element is missing from Only Lovers Left Alive, it's just aged so much that it's somewhat detached. Maybe it's just the difference between liking a movie a lot and just saying "That's charming." The movie is more than that, at least I want to think so since I'm a Jarmusch fan; maybe I was just a bit of a zombie on my first watch.
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They're like a really, really, really old married couple
On its surface, a vampire film is the last thing I'd expect out of Jim Jarmusch. Then again, the same can be said about a hitman movie (Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai, The Limits of Control) and a western (Dead Man). And s...

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NYC: See Vampire's Kiss w/ Nicolas Cage free on 9/20


A! B! C! D! E! F! G! H! I! J! K! L! M! N! O! P! Q! R! S! T! U! V! W! X! Y! Z!
Sep 16
// Hubert Vigilla
There are many reasons to love Nicolas Cage, as our own Nathan Hardisty has noted. One of the most compelling cases for loving the man is the 1988 Robert Bierman film Vampire's Kiss. The movie features one of Cage's Cage-iest...
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Vampires are still cool in Vampire Academy Trailer


Aug 16
// Matthew Razak
At this rate there won't be anymore young adult novels to adapt to the big screen. Vampire Academy:Blood Sisters does seem a bit special in that totally nondescript way since it looks like a cross between Harry Potter a...

Review: Byzantium

Jun 27 // Alec Kubas-Meyer
[embed]215243:39896:0[/embed] ByzantiumDirector: Neil JordanRelease Date: TBDRating: NRCountry: United Kingdom I wonder who decided to make actress Saoirse Ronan's hair dark. She's currently in a number of films, including the upcoming adaptation of Stephanie Meyer's The Host (which sadly has no connection to Bong Joon-Ho's 2006 film of the same name), and any of the various directors could have decided that the once-blonde star of Hanna should be a brunette. If it wasn't Neil Jordan, though, he owes that person a debt of gratitude. There is something both off-putting and irresistible about a person with light blue eyes and darker hair, and it is an excellent visual representation of Ronan's character in Byzantium. Eleanor Webb is a 200-year-old vampire living in an 18 year old's body, someone at once terrifying and fascinating. Vampires in Byzantium are, to put it mildly, different from those in general vampire lore, right from their appearance: they don't have fangs. Instead, their thumbnails extend and sharpen, perfect for puncturing a major vein or artery. They can see themselves in mirrors, aren't affected by sunlight, and aren't particularly averse to garlic or crosses or anything of the sort. They seem to be a bit stronger than the average person, but not significantly so, and though they are surely more durable, a blade to the neck leads to a swift end. The most notable trait they retain from the mythology, in fact, is the invitation requirement so brilliantly captured by 2008's Let the Right One In. That being said, this is relevant only twice and the rules of invitation are not entirely clear. For example, Eleanor Webb is a brilliant piano player (as she would have to be after centuries of practice), but she demonstrates it by walking into an old-folks home and sitting at the piano and playing. No one knows who she is or why she's there, but she sits down and plays nonetheless. I loved the scene because I loved the music, but she did just kind of walk in without an invitation. The vampiric detectives who follow Eleanor Webb and her actually-monstrous black-haired, brown-eyed mother Clara (Gemma Arterton) also don't seem to need prompting when they arrive at a person's door, but maybe it's the technicality that the people behind the door are oftentimes dead. If there are rules, they really aren't explained very well. I imagine people are wondering how Byzantium tacks up to Neil Jordan's other vampire film, Interview with a Vampire, and I have to say that I can't tell you. I haven't seen Interview with a Vampire, and though I considered doing so to give some more context to this review, I decided against it. Instead, I'll compare it to another Jordan monster movie, The Company of Wolves. That film, a werewolf story, follows a Little Red Riding character, and I feel that Byzantium is the same way. It's not just that Eleanor Webb wears a red hooded coat, but it's the idea of a naive girl who is led away from her path into some sort of temptation. In this case, her temptation is a sickly ginger boy named Frank (Caleb Landry Jones), and the temptation is to tell her story. The story is one she has written many times on pages that she has thrown to the wind or the sea or pretty much anywhere at all, so long as no one else could see them, but she decides that Frank is the one to break the... Hmmm... The umm... You know what? I don't really know. What exactly does she think telling Frank is going to accomplish? And how is it that in the nearly two hundred years she has been with the evil Clara (who goes around prostituting herself for money, something Eleanor has thus far avoided) and not once slipped up and told somebody? She may look like she's 16, but she's nearly two centuries old. At some point, Little Red Riding Hood's naivete goes from being sad to just pathetic. If Little Red were 200 years old, no one would feel for her when she was taken in by a wolf in her grandmother's clothing. And even if we are supposed to believe that somehow someone can remain so stupidly pure and innocent for such a long time, how do we explain that her innocence was forcibly taken from her nearly two centuries before the start of the film? Unless she's supposed to have reverted to some infantile stage or something, I don't see any way to justify her actions, and if she was supposed to have reverted, well she didn't go far enough. And here's where the threads start to show. As I watched Byzantium, I was struck by the beautiful cinematography and the haunting soundtrack, and I felt like I was watching something truly incredible. When I watch movies for review, I keep a general sense of what I think my final score will be in my head. Sometimes when the review is written the score at the bottom will fit nicely in that spectrum, and sometimes it won't, but I try to gauge my own reaction to a film as I'm watching it. With Byzantium, that number was high, much much higher than the number you'll see below, and that's because I was swept up by the audiovisual splendor of it all. As soon as it ended, I turned to Hubert and asked him what he thought. He liked it quite a bit less than I did (as you'll read below). We started talking about it immediately (and another critic got very angry at us) and everything he said made a lot of sense. And after that conversation, as I mulled it over in my head, I realized I had been taken in. Were Byzantium nothing more than a piece of entertainment, this would actually be quite a commendable thing. It would be like watching a Christopher Nolan film. Inception is amazing and gorgeous and a spectacle, but it also makes no goddamn sense when you realize that there is an entire week of missing time on the first level of the dream. It's a stupidly large plot hole that would completely destroy the impact of the movie if it were going for art and impact, but it's not. It's just damn fine entertainment. Byzantium wants to be art (and maybe a little bit of entertainment) but can't hold up its end of the bargain. It's a great-looking film, and I definitely think it's worth watching, but understand that what's onscreen is actually a sham. The underlying framework is every bit as shoddy as a dream within a dream within a dream. Hubert Vigilla: I really admired the vampire lore of Byzantium, with its centuries-long roots, its deadly brotherhoods, and its striking imagery of starlings and blood. There's also a unique spin on gender and tradition in this vampire mythology that's promising for greater exploration. While I think all of that is really rich material to play with, Byzantium ultimately feels like a dud of a story set in a dynamite universe. A lot of that has to do with the character Eleanor, who's underwritten and underconsidered. Ronan's performance is fine, but Eleanor the character is too naïve for someone around 200 years old. It's as if she's still a teenage girl who's never even kissed a boy on the cheek, but we know that she's lived a hard and brutal life in a cruel world as a vagabond/grifter. More than that, she's been surviving basically on the run the entire time with the much savvier Clara, who by contrast is a fully realized character with an actual sense of history behind her. Eleanor has a strange impulse to share her life story with others, but I still don't know what she hopes she'd gain from it. A normal life, which would be impossible since she's ageless and immortal and hunted? Acceptance in a world that doesn't believe in vampires? While it doesn't make sense in-story, it's at least a convenient device to drop large chunks of exposition when needed. Since this is never made clear, Eleanor gummed up the entire film for me. I'm also not sure what I make of her fledgling romance with Frank since it never once struck me as believable. They don't even have an awkward chemistry together; they're just plain awkward. 50 -- Average
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The story of a 200-year-old Little Red Riding Hood
Imagine you are in a large store and off in the distance you see a quilt. It’s an intriguing design, and you walk towards it, fascinated. It’s really a gorgeous thing, brilliantly composed with designs depicting b...

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Jim Jarmusch on his vampire movie Only Lovers Left Alive


May 21
// Hubert Vigilla
I'm a fan of Jim Jarmusch's movies. He has a weird way of turning moments of boredom into something complicated and interesting, as seen in Stranger Than Paradise, Down by Law, Night on Earth, and Mystery Train. He's also cap...
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Trailer: Kiss of the Damned


May 03
// Liz Rugg
Kiss of the Damned is yet another sexy vampire movie, who's characters much choose between romantic passion and bloodlust. In Kiss of the Damned, the lovely vampiress Djuna succumbs to the advances of human Paolo and soon he...
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Trailer: Byzantium


Apr 16
// Liz Rugg
Continuing popular culture's seemingly never satisfied fascination with vampires - Neil Jordan, the creator of Interview with a Vampire, brings us the heady, red shifted Byzantium. The story follows a mother and daughter pai...
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Vampire Academy to be adapted with Mean Girls director


Daniel Waters (Heathers) to write, and Mark Waters (Mean Girls) to direct
Feb 04
// Nick Valdez
The next book series fighting for the attention of the tweensies is Richelle Mead's Vampire Academy. Reliance Entertainment and IM Global have purchased the rights to adapt the first in the six (SIX) book series, Vampire...
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International Trailer: Byzantium


Just another vampire movie?
Feb 01
// Thor Latham
When I first read the word "vampire" I immediately began to think 'We're still doing this? Really?' So it's fair to say I had already made my judgments before even seeing this trailer for Byzantium, which, quite honestly, ma...

Review: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Nov 16 // Nick Valdez
[embed]213516:39140[/embed] The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2Director: Bill CondonRating: PG-13Release Date: November 16, 2012  Breaking Dawn Part 2 takes place immediately after the events of Part 1. If you missed the first part, or are using this as an odd starting point, you'll be out of place as Part 2 kindly presses forward without the need for recap or summary of the events until the start of the film. Bella (Kristen Stewart) is now a vampire (reflected by her new red eyes) since it was the only way to recover from her faulty pregnancy. Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella's child, Renesmee, is growing at an alarming rate due to her half-vampire, half-human lineage. Irina (Maggie Grace) mistakes Renesmee for an "Immortal Child," a child who was changed into a vampire, which is a crime against Volturi law. As the Volturi slowly approach to execute Renesmee, the Cullen family seek the help of their vampires friends around the world to make a stand against them.  When Bella discovers she's a vampire, she goes through all sorts of initial hurdles. She needs to fight her hunger, get used to her powers, and learn how to hide those powers from humans. This is all done extremely well. Bella is suddenly given a personality that's been lacking so far. Stewart is awkward, cute, and since she's now a mother, finally given something else to think about other than Edward or Jacob. Thankfully, the whole "Team Edward or Team Jacob" plot is dropped for the final film since Bella has already decided on a husband. Unfortunately that means that like in Part 1, Jacob (Taylor Lautner) is given nothing substantial to do other than pine over Edward and Bella's child. He's no longer a main character integral to the events of the plot. After an interesting first 10-15 minutes as Bella plays with her new found powers in a delightfully corny fashion, however, the film drags. As the plot shifts gears from Bella becoming a vampire to protecting Renesmee, there's a lack of development. The film follows the Cullens as they go from place to place gathering vamps, and while these worldly vampires have distinct and entertaining looks and personalities, nothing is done with the material they're given. There's no true interaction between the vampires and that is especially prominent when a hint of their interaction is relegated to background noise.  One vampire recruit in particular, Alistair (Joe Anderson), seems like a interesting prospect that was unfortunately skipped over as well. He's abrasive, initially against fighting the Volturi, and isolates himself as he watches Bella from afar. His interactions with Bella seem like they're leading somewhere, but end up failing to produce anything of substance. And if there's an overall theme of the first half of the film, its that plots and character buildups lead to absolutely nowhere. There are also several glaring missteps that really can take someone out of the moment. For one, Renesmee is CG animated for the first half of the film. I know Renesmee is supposed to look a certain way, but its uncomfortable to watch a badly animated CG child interact with the actors. Credit to the actors themselves for attempting to make Renesmee as natural as possible, but its unfortunately badly done. That is a reflection of the overall CGI for the film. At some points, the environments look laughably bad as they amount to an unnatural look, but the actors do their best to reel it all back in. Try as they might though, it's still noticeable.  Thankfully, once the Volturi arrive and their threat is fully realized, the film makes a fun 180 degree flip. Part 2 is far better at managing its balance of tones (the overly dramatic love story and the goofy thriller) than its predecessors. Not since the first film as there been a better distribution of comedy and overt melodrama. As mentioned earlier, the vampire recruits have delightful personalities that range from the egocentric rocker to the destructive Russian. When the vampires do get to interact with one another, they add some much needed levity. The goofy jokes are back as well, and more than welcome. At one point Bella arm wrestles Emmett (Kellan Lutz) and its one of the funniest scenes in the movie (coupled with bad CGI which really helps in that area). Then there are moments of hilarity which blur the line between intentional and unintentional. When the Volturi and Cullens finally stand off, that scene got laughs in the theater I watched it because they were shown standing stupidly far apart.  The overall tone of the film is also much less melodramatic, and much more adult oriented. It might be the drop of the love triangle from the plot, but everything seemed much larger in scope. There was a believable world established outside of Jacob, Edward, and Bella. While Edward and Bella have their (especially now that Bella cannot die, read into that how you may) tender moments, they aren't the focus anymore. It's now about their entire family and species needing to survive. It's a welcome change of focus that helps make the film a lot better in terms of crafting better stories that allow the characters to think about something other than themselves.  If you've been following the production of Part 2, you already know that the film's ending is vastly different than the book's ending. While I won't give it away here, the changes are substantial enough to greatly improve on the book's notably anti-climactic ending (I will say, however, the film leads to something that actually happens). I would go as far to say that the final twenty minutes are the best collection of actions in the entire franchise. I would like to discuss its implications more, but even that would spoil it. It's just plain wonderful to watch. However, there is somehow finality without finality. It doesn't feel like the end of a franchise. And when the film finally ends, there is a lack of a cohesive conclusion. It really undermines what the previous scenes had accomplished.  While the Twilight Saga has had a spotty performance in the past, Breaking Dawn Part 2 sums up the struggles of the franchise perfectly. It's got plenty of good ideas, but these ideas aren't followed through well enough and dropped in favor of another interaction between the main three. And even though Edward and Bella's romantic entanglement has taken a backseat to something grander in scale, fans of that romance won't be disappointed. It's like the characters are finally growing up as they focus on their child and become parents (also helped that Renesmee is sooo cute).  The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 will be pleasing to the fans of the book and films that might have felt let down before, but they might walk away somehow feeling both satisfied and unsatisfied at the inconclusive finish. As for everyone else, it's a film that's entertainingly goofy, marred by a bunch of bad decisions, and then makes a really good one. 
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The final film of the Twilight Saga somehow ends with both a bang and a whimper.
There's no real way to predict what you're getting when watching one of the Twilight films. You either get a surprisingly corny and fun film (the first Twilight) or you'll get something severely disappointing like Breaki...

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Ridley Scott's I Am Legend vampires are better than CG


Nov 12
// Nick Valdez
Francis Lawrence's I Am Legend (starring Will "Movin' in with your Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air" Smith) was okay. Not bad, not great, but okay. Part of the reason my enjoyment for it was tempered was that the vampires had cha...
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Trailer: Vampire Dog


Sep 18
// Nick Valdez
In the straight to DVD flick releasing next Tuesday, (why Norm why?) Norm MacDonald plays a talking dog who drinks the color red from like jelly and stuff. Then a "Cruella De Vil" type villainess tries to catc...
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To celebrate E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (one of the most redundant names ever)'s 30th anniversary Blu-ray release, Fathom Events, Turner Classic Movies, and Universal Pictures are showing the digital remastered version ...

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Trailer: Breaking Dawn Part 2


It's the "final" final trailer. For realsies this time.
Sep 10
// Nick Valdez
I am so glad that I decided to use quotations when I described the last "final" trailer. This new "final" final trailer has a lot of the same footage as the previous one (it even shares the same thumbnail!), but it comes wit...
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Trailer: Breaking Dawn Part 2


Full of that sexy VMA action.
Sep 07
// Nick Valdez
Last night during MTV's VMA's (which I totes wasn't watching, I swear!), the "final" trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn- Part II, or Twilight 5 for short, was released. Naturally, I freaked out...I mean, the little...
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Will Smith starring as Cain the vampire slayer


Sep 04
// Thor Latham
Leave it to Hollywood to fill the void of originality with completely off the wall, bats**t craziness. Will Smith is apparently going to star in a film that retells the Biblical story of Cain and Abel...except with vampires. ...
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First clip of Hotel Transylvania is full of holy rabies


Aug 31
// Nick Valdez
Like everyone else, I've been looking forward to Genndy Tartakovsky's Hotel Transylvania because I miss the heck out of his genius (why was Sym-Bionic Titan cancelled?!?). This new clip gives a little something beyond what's...
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Freddie Wong gives us 8-Bitham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter


Jun 22
// Alex Katz
Matt was reasonably partial to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, releasing today. If you're like me, though, you probably took one look at the trailers and said, "Poppycock! Such a premise is beneath me, save in the form of a...
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You will believe a werewolf wants to bang a child


Jun 22
// Alex Katz
In case you've forgotten, the final entry in the Twilight series features a werewolf(Tay-Lautes) that falls in love with a child(Mackenzie Foy) with the absolutely normal name of Renesemee. Photographic evidence is above...
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Yep, that's certainly a trailer for the last Twilight movie. I feel like this must inspire the same feelings in Twilight fans that the Dark Knight Rises trailer from yesterday inspired in me. They're going to ...

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Take a look at Renesmee, the vampire kid from Twilight


Jun 14
// Matthew Razak
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 was possibly one of the stupidest stories I've seen on screen, and this is coming from a guy who could actually tolerate the previous two films (not the first one, though). I can't even imagine ...
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Park Chan-Wook's Stoker scored by Clint Mansell


Jun 05
// Jason Savior
At one point set to be scored by Philip Glass, Park Chan-Wook's Stoker now boasts Clint Mansell as its composer. Mansell, Oscar-nominated and most famous for his work with Darren Aronofsky, has also scored Moon and,...
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Trailer: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter


May 29
// Alex Katz
I really like alternate history stories. They appeal to the history geek buried deep beneath layers of crappy public school education as well as the science fiction geek that's ran the whole Alex show since Star Wars. We cou...
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Red Band Trailer: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter


May 24
// Bob Muir
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is one of those ideas that's "just crazy enough to work." The idea of seeing one of America's most famous presidents go to town on vampires is totally out there, but sounds surprisingly awesom...
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Flix for Short: Vampire Gastelbrau


May 07
// Jenika Katz
I love adorable independent animations. Vampire Gastelbrau is the story of a vampire who loses his tooth in an attempt to enter a house. In order to get it back, he must help a young girl and her grandmother with their chore...
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Trailer: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter


Mar 19
// Liz Rugg
When I saw the first trailer for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, I was all like, "Okay, I see what you did there." But when I saw this second trailer for Timur Bekmambetov's adaptation of the Seth Grahame-Smith book, I was ...
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Alexander Aja to helm vampire flick Undying Love


Mar 08
// Matthew Razak
Every post I write about Alexander Aja feels like a desperate plea for the rest of the world recognize is him for the campy, slasher film genius he is. This is the man behind both what should be the seminal remake of The Hill...
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Trailer: The Moth Diaries


Feb 29
// Liz Rugg
"There are three things you find in every vampire story; sex, blood, and death." The Moth Diaries is a sexy, lesbian vampire story set at an all-girls private school about a creepy girl who may or may not be able to turn int...
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Tilda Swinton & John Hurt join Jarmusch's vampire movie


Jan 31
// Hubert Vigilla
Jim Jarmusch may be the last person I'd expect to do a vampire movie. Then again, he was also the last person I'd expect to do hitman movies (Ghost Dog, The Limits of Control) or to go fishing for sharks. (If you like oddball...
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Miller, Hollander and Riley add to Byzantium awesomeness


Jan 13
// Xander Markham
Byzantium is a movie about an 18th century mother and daughter vampire team who find themselves at loggerheads when the daughter falls in love with a young man dying of leukemia and starts questioning mortality and the nature...
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Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter posters sit and stew


Dec 16
// Hubert Vigilla
The first two posters for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter are out, and we see the moody, vampire-killingest president sitting deep in thought. He's in the same pose both indoors and outdoors. No, not just the same pose -...

Review: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Nov 17 // Matthew Razak
[embed]205643:37415[/embed] The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1Director: Bill CondonRating: PG-13Release Date: 11/18/2011 Before any Twihards jump on me for simply hating this because it is a Twilight movie and I have a penis, I'll point you to my pre-Flixist reviews of the past films (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse) which show me actually describing them as decent, especially if you're a fan. So know that when I call Breaking Dawn: Part 1 a bad movie, it's because it is a bad movie hampered by a terrible story, poor plotting and mindless direction that won't let the camera sit still, and not because I'm pre-judging on the fact that it's the reason we have shows like The Vampire Diaries. If you're three movies behind, I'll catch you up here. Bella (Kristen Stewart) is a girl, and she's in love with Edward (Robert Patterson), who is a vampire, and they're getting married. Previously, Bella was also in love with Jacob (Taylor Lautner), who is a werewolf. Werewolves and vampires don't get along, so a lot of fighting went on. There's also these vampires who rule everything and want to mess with Edward, Bella, and their family, but they don't even show up in this movie, despite seeming to be really important to the overall plot of the series. In Part 1, Bella and Edward finally get married, at which point they go on a honeymoon to a bright, sunny island (yet Edward doesn't sparkle at all) and proceed to have really hot vampire/human sex. Do you know what happens when you have sex? You get pregnant. Bella is thus impregnated with Edward's vampire seed, and she starts having a rapidly growing vampire/human baby that is killing her. Edward wants to abort the baby to save Bella, but Bella wants to keep it and Jacob just wants to pout a lot. Meanwhile, the other werewolves in town want to kill the baby, Bella's parents have no clue what is going on, and Edward's family is attempting to save Bella and the baby. For the first thirty minutes of the movie you can easily see why women are in love with these books. First there's a fairytale wedding to an immortal man who is perfect, then there's a private island honeymoon with literal bed-wrecking sex, and then the perfect man starts spouting terrible love lines ("It was the best night of my existence."). I mean, even I was swooning a little by the end of it -- or possibly that was just a lack of oxygen from laughing at the bad lovey one-liners. Whatever the case may be, the movie does nothing but bask in its own love story for thirty minutes. Then the baby shows up and things go from weird to weirder to pedophilic. I'm willing to put aside the rampant pro-life standpoint the film bombards you with because maybe someone else who shares the none-too-subtle views of the film wouldn't find them quite so heavy-handed. However, this doesn't make up for the rest of the story, which goes from slightly disturbing to visually disgusting. We're talking about eating a baby out of a woman's belly. I expect that in my underground, cult vampire films, not my teenage vampire romance movies. It's not just this scene, but the entire pregnancy ordeal that is disturbing. It not only involves the aforementioned but an uncomfortable scene of Bella drinking fresh blood, Bella literally snapping her back in half due to her pregnancy, and a disturbing amount of poor life lessons for a movie directed towards teenage girls. However, much of this can be explained away by the film staying loyal to what is clearly a really odd book. What can't be explained away is the film's terrible narrative structure and lack of creativity. Key plot points are rushed through so quickly that at one point Edward has to explain to a group of people (werewolves and vampires), who already know this fact, that werewolves can't harm someone that another werewolf has imprinted on. It's a bit of expository dialog that comes at the denouement of one of the few tense scenes in the film and absolutely ruins it. Unfortunately, through some terrible planning in the first three films and an aversion to actually setting up a coherent storyline in this film, that was never explained. It's indicative of the style of the entire film, which careens through its plot line, focusing more on deep looks between Edward and Bella than actually telling a story that makes any sense. It's all the more depressing because Bill Condon directed this outing, and he's actually a skilled director. It appears, however, that the lack of quality subject matter led him to a lack of quality directing. Not only do most of the actors seem stiff and out of place for much of the movie, but he shoots everything as if he's removed from the subject matter entirely. Maybe he hadn't read the book before agreeing to direct, and once he found out what happens, he lost all interest. Even the vampire/werewolf fight scene, which could have been really cool, is tragically cut together and far too dark to enjoy. I'm not sure what the last movie holds (wait until after the main credits, as there's a bit of a teaser), but it can't be worse than this pile of drudge. From beginning to end, this movie makes absolutely no sense, and simply heaps a plethora of convenient plot points on top to get out of the corners it backed itself into. This isn't just a bad story; it's a bad movie. Also, I realize I brought up pedophilia earlier, but explaining that would give away a key plot point, so just ask someone who has read the books about it because you don't want to go see this one.
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It's a challenge to get angry over something you don't really care about. When your greatest emotion toward a thing is general apathy, then getting angry about it isn't worth your time. So it is a testament to how insanely st...

Rumors: Wiseau the vampire, the hostage-taker, the genius

Sep 20 // Andrew Kauz
Rumor two begins with a pitch. This isn't a quote from Tommy, and again unconfirmed, but here's the basic pitch he gave as it was described to me: "So I am a guy and the bank comes and takes my stuff away. I go to the bank with a gun and hold them hostage. There are two guys filling out the deposit slips, one is a judge and one is the lawyer. So what is that happens is I am put on trial in the middle of the robbery and these guys are doing it." I don't really know what any of that means. A lawyer and a judge are doing it? What role will the deposit slips play? This, however, apparently has funding, so we can expect it to be a real thing. All right, ready rumor three. The sitcom Neighbors that has been rumored for a while? Well, it's a real thing. Tommy has already done some shooting on it, and it's about as good as you'd expect. From what I understand, he's shooting using whatever actors he can find who are willing to act without getting paid and sign ridiculous contracts.  As for the future of The Room, Tommy is pretty certain that a 3D version is imminent. Why? Because he had shot it originally with film and video right next to one another, and he is planning to combine them together, producing a 3D effect.   As for Tommy's upcoming videogame show, the Tommy Wi-show, we already know that the basic premise will involve travel to distant planets. Tommy is captured by aliens and forced to play videogames. Based on my chat with him, we can assume that he's basically a talking head, given stuff to say about games. So your dreams of hearing, "Oh hi Marcus" during your next Gears session can pretty much fade away. He's an actor and he reads a script. I don't know what to do with any of this information.
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How many Tommy Wiseau rumors can you handle at once? I'm about to test your limits. Let's do this. I'll start with what I shall term the Vampire Rumor, designated such because of its inclusion of vampires. We've actually hear...

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Dark Shadows set photos, Johnny Depp looks ridiculous


Sep 14
// Jamie R Stone
Oh, come on... What the f*ck? Why is it every Tim Burton film has to turn into some kind of perverse drag show for Johnny Depp to parade around in horrible clothes and makeup? Why must the pairing of these two men always equa...

Trailer: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Sep 13 // Maxwell Roahrig
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And here's a brand new trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1. I still have no idea what's going on in this franchise, but know that there will be kinky vampire-on-human sex, a frilly wedding, and some werewol...


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