I have braved the 49 second teaser trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 (or rather, TWSBDP2) to present to you these very super-official important bullet points about the film that is going to change the rest of our lives FOREVER:
- Bella discovered an ancient tacky ring that grants her superpowers. - Bella has a really bad eye infection and should see an ophthalmologist immediately. - Bella really wants to f*ck a deer. - Lionsgate will make a buttload of money and civilization as we know it will be worse for it.
Were you hoping to see the final part in the film adaptation of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged? No? Ummm... Okay, well, the third and final installment of the Atlas Shrugged film trilogy is on its way, and the makers are turning t...more
While the internet continues its post-mortem on Spike Lee's Kickstarter numbers, there's another director who's jumping into the crowdfunding fray: Uwe Boll. That's right, Uwe friggin' Boll has turned to Kickstarter to make ...more
In Jefferson City, Missouri, Capital 8 Theaters manager Bob Wilkins had one of the dumbest ideas ever for a publicity stunt. Wilkins hired cosplayers dressed as Iron Man and armed (!) S.H.I.E.L.D. agents to storm a screening...more
Greetings yet again, friends and-and-and countrymen. First, let me be a little bird real quick -- tweet, uh, tweet. I hear Flixist is now trying to open a small store in Newbridge, New South Wales, Australia and in Newbridge,...more
Kevin Smith has been mulling a Clerks sequel for a bit. At the end of 2012, it seemed like the only missing piece was Jeff Anderson (Randall) signing on. But then the project kept morphing, from a film, to a web series, to a ...more
A long-standing joke about creatively soulless Hollywood executives has a young buck standing up and proposing a sequel to the 1942 Humphrey Bogart/Ingrid Bergman classic, Casablanca. Inevitably, that joke is now threatening ...more
One year way back when I was an undergrad, I spent a lot of time at Denny's in the wee hours of the morning. It was close to my dorm, it was quiet enough, and it made for great people-watching. Example: one of the waitresses...more
Remember when Jean Claude Van Damme, the god of badass splits himself, said that he wouldn't mind appearing in the Bloodsport reboot but no one contacted him? I remember thinking, "That's odd, it would only make the new ...more
Once you get past the German, since Tarzan 3D is releasing internationally in 2013 and does not yet have a domestic release date (with good reason), you get some really bad looking motion capture animation. Tarzan jaggedly c...more
Remember that time you read about Battleship, Monopoly and Stretch Armstrong being picked up for movie adaptations and snorted 'Yeah, when are they getting started on Hungry Hungry Hippos? Amiright?!'
Hollywood just called your bluff, b*tch.
[via LA Times]more
The first Taken was an experience. Somehow all of the stars aligned and made the whole thing so badass, that we're getting a sequel. Admittedly the sequel has an intriguing premise (bad guys are angry and Neeson for bein...more
With Michael Bay's off again on again relationship with the Transformers franchise, it ended up being no surprise that he decided to direct Trannies 4, the reboot/not reboot sequel. The worst thing about all of this...more
My life gets very few moments of serendipity. I know Identity Thief, a flick about a guy named Sandy (Jason Bateman) whose identity and credit card information is stolen by Diana (Melissa McCarthy) and then comedy happens, ex...more