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#OH GOD WHY


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Review: The Emoji Movie

You know, for the longest time I thought that this movie was a joke. Something invented by film producers to have a laugh. A prank that writers bounced around, but never dared to seriously consider, lest their career be stamped with a black...

 
 
 
 
 
 
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Pez is getting a movie for some reason

SERIOUSLY WHO IS DOING THIS TO US? F**king Smarties would've made a better movie than this. Or Fruit Stripe. Or Runts. Or basically every other terrible candy.  “PEZ Candy is beloved by children and adults alike, with Camer...

 
 
 
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Aubrey Plaza to voice Grumpy Cat in upcoming Grumpy Cat movie

Look, the world doesn't need a Grumpy Cat movie. Grumpy Cat was fun for like a week in 2012. Besides, basically all cats are grumpy, that's why they're so great. Anyway, regardless of what I think, a Grumpy Cat Lifetime Christmas movie is h...

 
 
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Trailer for Disney's Planes knockoff, Wings is not a joke

In one of the weirdest moves in recent home video history, we have the newest trailer for Lionsgate's Wings. Wings is a ripoff of Planes, a Disney direct to home video sequel to Cars that is getting released in theaters anyway. It's g...

 
 
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Video: behind the special effects in Fast & Furious 6

Part of what has made the Fast & Furious franchise thrive under Justin Lin's direction is his insistence on filming as much real action in-camera as possible. In other words, (spoilers, I suppose) for the final chase scene in Fast &...

 
 
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Atlus Shrugged Part 3 is indeed coming

A long while ago we reviewed Atlus Shrugged Part 1 and for a solid chunk of time it was the worst reviewed film on the site. It failed miserably at the box office. Like, really miserably. Undaunted, its right wing producers plowed ahea...

 
 
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Escape From New York getting rebooted

If it happened in the 80s we need a new one of it now seems to be the mantra of Hollywood at the moment. Next up for "revival" is Escape From New York and everyone's favorite badass, Snake Pliskken. Joel Silver and Studio Canal will be...

 
 
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Kevin Smith considers Clerks sequel book rather than film

Kevin Smith has been mulling a Clerks sequel for a bit. At the end of 2012, it seemed like the only missing piece was Jeff Anderson (Randall) signing on. But then the project kept morphing, from a film, to a web series, to a Broadway show, ...

 
 
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Flixistentialism 02 - Dre's Two Circumcisions

Flixistentialism is back folks, now with slightly improved audio. On this episode I tell the story of my two circumcisions (that's right...TWO!) and we give my dick the most awesome name EVER. We also discuss holiday movies, strip clubs, S...

 
 
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Darkseid is a terrible choice for 2015's Justice League

I've read probably hundreds of thousands of comics in my lifetime, starting at the ripe young age of four and half with issue #21 of Archie Comics' Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures and having most recently completed Avatar's Crossed ...

 
 
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MacFarlane confirms Family Guy movie is still happening

Now that Seth MacFarlane's Ted has gone on to become a reasonable success, he pretty much has free reign to do whatever he pleases (much like how he owns Fox's entire Sunday evening lineup). With this much power and money, MacFarlane t...

 
 
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WB interested in Casablanca 2, incites global facepalming

A long-standing joke about creatively soulless Hollywood executives has a young buck standing up and proposing a sequel to the 1942 Humphrey Bogart/Ingrid Bergman classic, Casablanca. Inevitably, that joke is now threatening to come true, w...

 
 
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MGM continuing Twilight without Pattinson or Stewart

Everyone loves R-Patz and K-Stew, correct? Him with his stupid hair and shiny face, her with her grumbly countenance and sloppy posture. Truly, 'tis a love story for the ages, except for when she cheated on him with a forty-year old directo...

 
 
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First image of Scary Movie 5 confirms it will be terrible

You know how every Scary Movie is supposed to have a random celebrity cameo who has no business being in movies? Like how Scary Movie 3 had Pamela Anderson, Scary Movie 4 had Dr. "My PhD is For Realsies" Phil, or that Scary Movie ...

 
 
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Trailer: A Christmas Story 2

Here's a trailer for the razzafrackin' direct-to-video sequel to A Christmas Story. Looks like Santa Claus has left a steaming Blitzen-sized deuce in humanity's collective stocking. Behold the synopsis: Years after realizing his childhood...

 
 
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I watched a clip of Rock of Ages so you don't have to

Are you looking forward to Rock of Ages? Hang on, let me stop you right there. If you were about to say, "Why yes!," then I've got some unfortunate news for you. You're an idiot. I'm sorry that I had to be the one to tell you this. I know ...

 
 
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Listen to Tom Cruise warble Def Leppard in Rock of Ages

Is "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard your favorite song? Wait, seriously, it is? Really? Can I have a long conversation with you? I'm not a therapist or anything, but I think it's for the good of medical science that people know how a...

 
 
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Scary Movie 5 has a 'plot', no Anna Faris

The Scary Movie series didn't start well and has been getting worse ever since, with its only conceivable merit being the dedication of star Anna Feris to the trademark gross-out 'humour'. Even Faris seems to have realised this is one horse...

 
 
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Human Centipede 3 to feature chain of 500+ people

More details have emerged about The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence). The epic finale of ultimate vileness will apparently feature a chain consisting of 500+ people. To quote our own Alex Katz, "[This] fits with my theory that it's going ...

 
 
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Check out this creepy Disney Princess torture porn

There are a lot of different types of princess fan art out there, and a lot of it portrays a more dystopian viewpoint. I'm a big fan of Dina Goldstein's Fallen Princesses collection. It's a dark look at a more modern princess without gettin...

 
 
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Matt Lieberman to write doomed Short Circuit remake

As a kid, I really loved the Short Circuit movies. In fact, I still love them -- Short Circuit 2 is a fine example of a sequel that surpasses the original, and Johnny 5 is my favorite robot in a live-action movie. He's so well designed, and...

 
 
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Trailer: The Dictator

In The Dictator, Sacha Baron Cohen's newest venture, he plays a presumably Middle-Eastern dictator who comes to America for the first time - Arabic gibberish and jokes ensue. Apparently the other half of the movie will be about a Middle-Ea...

 
 
 
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Underground filmmaker George Kuchar dies at age 69

The underground and experimental cinema community lost one of its great founding members. George Kuchar died last night at the age of 69. Most remembered for his lo-fi yet outrageous films, George, along with his twin brother Mike Kuchar, c...

 
 
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Warner Bros. in talks for Beetlejuice 2, childhood ruined

KatzSmith Productions, made up of David Katzenberg and Seth Grahame-Smith, just signed a two-year film production deal with Warner Bros. Along with a collection of original projects, the two have big plans for Beetlejuice 2. The movie is no...

 
 
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Drafthouse Films to distribute post-apocalyptic DDR film

Technically, it's called Beat-Beat Revelation in the film, but let's not split hairs. Drafthouse Films, which is owned by the folks that own the infamous Alamo Drafthouse, has bought the rights to The FP, the aforementioned winner of "...

 
 
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Sarah Palin film hitting VOD & PPV after making $101,000

What do Undefeated and Troll Hunter have in common? They're both movies you've probably never heard of since they've each earned less than $200,000 in theaters so far. They're also both about trolls that no one should fear. Does this make T...

 
 
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Trailer: Jack and Jill

So this is it. Adam Sandler has finally reached the point in his career where all he's got left is drag. It happened to Martin Lawrence, it happened to Eddie Murphy, and now it's happened to Canteen Boy. Adam Sandler plays both halves of a...

 
 
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TMNT producer buys rights to animated Cabbage Patch Kids

Sorry, I don't want to Risk spending too much time on this Trivial Pursuit of our nostalgia wallets, but I've got a raging Clue that Cabbage Patch Kids is far being numero Uno in Life when there's a Monopoly of board game movie adaptations ...

 
 
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First look at the Farrelly brothers' Three Stooges cast

With the four pictures in the image gallery below, we finally have our first look at The Three Stooges. It might not be much to look at, but let's take this opportunity to recap and share our expectations with everyone, because this film is...

 
 
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The Hobbit to be ultra smooth, shot in 48fps

My mother recently got a new Samsung high-def TV, so of course I was the one tapped to set it up right. It came with an option, "auto motion plus," that was turned on be default. A selling point of the system, it messed with the frame rate ...

 
 
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Trailer: The Millennium Bug

At the beginning of the millennium, a great fear gripped our nation. That fear, of course, was a giant bug-monster ripping our flesh to shreds, and possibly breaking our computers or something. Many of us still have not overcome the feelin...

 
 
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Time Bandits to be remade as family friendly crap

Can you guys hear that wet, slopping sound? That's the bottom of the intellectual barrel getting licked clean after a good scraping. Producers Guy Collins and Michael Ryan are currently in talks to develop a reboot of Terry Gilliam's underr...

 
 
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Starfleet Academy promises new stories, reaction images

Space Young Adult fiction, the final frontier. Fans of the J.J. Abrams reboot of Star Trek (at least, the younger ones) will be psyched to know that the new book series Starfleet Academy will fill their minds with the untold stories of Jame...

 
 
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Brendan Fraser is taking the piscine a fish-heist comedy

Brendan Fraser, star of such all time classics as Dudley Do-Right, Looney Tunes: Back In Action and Furry Vengenace, has signed on to star in fish-based heist 'comedy' A Whole Lotta Sole. The plot reportedly revolves around a fishmonger who...

 
 




Reviews   filter by...

The Snowman"When you try your best but you don't succeed"

 

Wonderstruck"When the might of artifice meets the disappointing limitations of realism"

 

The Foreigner"Jackie Chan has a certain set of skills, too"

 

The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)"Damaged people, decent people, dysfunctional families"

 

NYFF Lady Bird"Fly, birdy, fly"

 

The Mountain Between Us"Why didn't they eat the dog?"

 

My Little Pony: The Movie"Straight to the glue factory"

 

Blade Runner 2049"Does Hollywood dream of electric reboots?"

 

Cult of Chucky"Don't cults require followers?"

 

NYFF Zama"Strange and without category, Lucrecia Martel's return to filmmaking is the best and most idiosyncratic movie of 2017"

 

Jeepers Creepers 3"Where does he get those wonderful toys?"

 

Battle of the Sexes"A back and forth volley never settling on a tone"

 

NYFF Thelma"Everything you need and more"

 

American Made"Sex, drugs, and Tom Cruise"

 

NYFF Last Flag Flying"Richard Linklater standing at attention, but not at ease or at rest"

 

Preacher (Season 2)"Adapting the unadaptable"

 

Mother!"Mother of god this is pretentious"

 

American Assassin"American Ass"

 

It"Stephen King's scariest adaptation to date"

 

Good Time"Robert Pattinson: Vampire, no more"

 

Logan Lucky"No relation to Wolverine"

 

The Defenders (Season 1)"Masters of karate and friendship "

 
 
 
 
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