OH GOD WHY

Denny's Fant4stic Menu photo
It's sloberrin' time
If you're new to the site, there's one thing you should really know about us. We like terrible ideas. Although we'll rip a bad film apart in a review, we all secretly love what they do for cinema. Namely, we get weird ideas l...

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Aubrey Plaza to voice Grumpy Cat in upcoming Grumpy Cat movie


Sep 18
// Liz Rugg
Look, the world doesn't need a Grumpy Cat movie. Grumpy Cat was fun for like a week in 2012. Besides, basically all cats are grumpy, that's why they're so great. Anyway, regardless of what I think, a Grumpy Cat Lifetime Chris...
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F**king Wings

Trailer for Disney's Planes knockoff, Wings is not a joke


F**king Wings.
Jul 26
// Nick Valdez
In one of the weirdest moves in recent home video history, we have the newest trailer for Lionsgate's Wings. Wings is a ripoff of Planes, a Disney direct to home video sequel to Cars that is getting released in theaters...

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Video: behind the special effects in Fast & Furious 6


Spoilers!
Jun 04
// Liz Rugg
Part of what has made the Fast & Furious franchise thrive under Justin Lin's direction is his insistence on filming as much real action in-camera as possible. In other words, (spoilers, I suppose) for the final chase sce...
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Atlus Shrugged Part 3 is indeed coming


Denial in the face of reality is kind of sad
Mar 26
// Matthew Razak
A long while ago we reviewed Atlus Shrugged Part 1 and for a solid chunk of time it was the worst reviewed film on the site. It failed miserably at the box office. Like, really miserably. Undaunted, its right wing produc...
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Because they've rebooted everything else
If it happened in the 80s we need a new one of it now seems to be the mantra of Hollywood at the moment. Next up for "revival" is Escape From New York and everyone's favorite badass, Snake Pliskken. Joel Silver and Studi...

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Kevin Smith considers Clerks sequel book rather than film


An episodic look at Dante and Randall with emphasis on "audience interactivity"
Feb 19
// Hubert Vigilla
Kevin Smith has been mulling a Clerks sequel for a bit. At the end of 2012, it seemed like the only missing piece was Jeff Anderson (Randall) signing on. But then the project kept morphing, from a film, to a web series, to a ...
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Flixistentialism 02 - Dre's Two Circumcisions


One was by accident, the other on purpose
Dec 21
// Andres Bolivar
Flixistentialism is back folks, now with slightly improved audio. On this episode I tell the story of my two circumcisions (that's right...TWO!) and we give my dick the most awesome name EVER. We also discuss holiday movies,...

Darkseid is a terrible choice for 2015's Justice League

Dec 03 // Sean Walsh
Oh, where to start on why this is a terrible decision... Aside from his eye-beams (which can disintegrate people, resurrect the dead, et cetera, and he can control them, because why not?), also known in Jack Kirby-ese as the Omega Beam, I really don't even know what Darkseid's powers are. TO WIKIPEDIA! Okay, so, he's got the 'Omega Force' (presumed source of the Omega Beam and Omega Sanction, which send people and Batmen back in time), super strength, super endurance, immortality, invulnerability, and genius-level intellect. Cute. Now, let's compare that to Thanos and his powers: superhuman strength, stamina, durability, longevity, and intelligence, energy manipulation, telekinesis, and teleportation. Advantage: Thanos. But this isn't about comparing the two. And before anybody goes to accuse me of being a Marvel fanboy, I'm no big fan of Thanos either. I just think that his goal (courting Death and wrecking shit with the Infinity Gauntlet) is way cooler and less nonsensical than solving the Anti-Life Equation. (I love and respect Jack Kirby, but the more I write out these things the more I realize I don't know what the hell was going on in the sixties.) Let's take a deeper look at the Anti-Life Equation. From Wikipedia: "Jack Kirby's original comics established the Anti-Life Equation as giving the being who learns it power to dominate the will of all sentient and sapient races. It is called the Anti-Life Equation because 'if someone possesses absolute control over you - you're not really alive.'"  Scottish madman Grant Morrsion actually gave us the eqaution in his Seven Soldiers: Mister Miracle mini-series (wherein Darkseid and the other Fourth World characters were all reborn as black people in the ghetto...or something) and this is that equation: loneliness + alienation + fear + despair + self-worth ÷ mockery ÷ condemnation ÷ misunderstanding × guilt × shame × failure × judgment n=y where y=hope and n=folly, love=lies, life=death, self=dark side Yeah. Okay. Sure. Thanos just wants to please his lady Death, not do stupid math. When the Justice League was originally formed in the Silver Age, they came together to fight a giant space-starfish named, appropriately, Starro. Do I found Starro a compelling character? Hell no. But do I think that super-teams can be founded fighting a starfish who can possess people via face-hugging? Yes. Do they need to be formed by going up against someone who is traditionally a Big Bad (to borrow a term from the Whedonverse)? No, because then you've got to out-do it the next time. Therein lies my biggest issue with them deciding to go with Darkseid in Justice League. It echoes my complaints about the Avengers being brought together to fight a giant army of space aliens when originally, in the comics, they came together to stop a rampaging Hulk: you've got to out-do it next time. The Avengers get to fight Thanos in the second film, but after that the number of Thanos-tier bad guys is slim pickins. Justice League isn't even building up to Thanos-tier, they're just diving right on in to the deep end. Who will the Justice League face in the theoretical JL2? Emperor Joker? Some new garbage villain from the New 52? I can't even think of another Darkseid-tier villain from DC. What they'll have to do is a Legion of Doom thing where they fight a bunch of bad guys, because they already busted their great and powerful evil god nut in the first goddamn movie. Now, I said this article wasn't about comparing Darkseid and Thanos but I've realized I'm wrong. Ultimately, that's exactly what it's about. Avengers 2 and Justice League both come out in 2015 and both have a Big Bad from outer space that will tear the teams a new asshole. The obvious advantage The Avengers, and by extension Thanos, has is build-up. Warner Brothers is pulling off the sheet and going, "TA-DA!" whereas we know Thanos is coming. We've been waiting years for him to show up and slap Thor and Captain America around. Casual fans will see through Warner Brothers just as easily as us long-time readers and cry out bullshit. And, if you ask me, they're right. Why do we care about this team in the first place, outside of the bat-symbols and super-crests? These aren't our Batmen and Wonder Women. We haven't spent the last decade watching their trials and tribulations unfold before they are brought together to face a world-ending threat. It's just some people in familiar costumes finding a guy in a skirt (no, really). What it boils down to is Darkseid sucks. I couldn't be less excited for Justice League. There's been no world/universe-building, the villain is lame and way too over-powered for a first movie, and one time, Superman beat him by singing at him. For real. This was after Darkseid had won. He'd basically taken over the world, 'killed' Batman, and was basically chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool. Then Superman sings at him. It's more complicated than that, of course, but he is ultimately felled by the dulcet tones of Superman. Read Final Crisis to see what I'm talking about. And that is the villain they'll be facing in Justice League, desperately trying to out-do The Avengers in 2015!
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Because nothing says 'bad guy' like a skirt and a helmet
I've read probably hundreds of thousands of comics in my lifetime, starting at the ripe young age of four and half with issue #21 of Archie Comics' Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures and having most recently completed Av...

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MacFarlane confirms Family Guy movie is still happening


Dec 03
// Nick Valdez
Now that Seth MacFarlane's Ted has gone on to become a reasonable success, he pretty much has free reign to do whatever he pleases (much like how he owns Fox's entire Sunday evening lineup). With this much power and mone...
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WB interested in Casablanca 2, incites global facepalming


The greatest love story ever told! Again!
Nov 05
// Xander Markham
A long-standing joke about creatively soulless Hollywood executives has a young buck standing up and proposing a sequel to the 1942 Humphrey Bogart/Ingrid Bergman classic, Casablanca. Inevitably, that joke is now threatening ...
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MGM continuing Twilight without Pattinson or Stewart


OMG WTF no more R-Patz K-Stew Robsten Pattinswart ohs noes!!!
Oct 18
// Xander Markham
Everyone loves R-Patz and K-Stew, correct? Him with his stupid hair and shiny face, her with her grumbly countenance and sloppy posture. Truly, 'tis a love story for the ages, except for when she cheated on him with a forty-y...
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First image of Scary Movie 5 confirms it will be terrible


Sep 21
// Nick Valdez
You know how every Scary Movie is supposed to have a random celebrity cameo who has no business being in movies? Like how Scary Movie 3 had Pamela Anderson, Scary Movie 4 had Dr. "My PhD is For Realsies" Phil, or th...
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Trailer: A Christmas Story 2


Sep 06
// Hubert Vigilla
Here's a trailer for the razzafrackin' direct-to-video sequel to A Christmas Story. Looks like Santa Claus has left a steaming Blitzen-sized deuce in humanity's collective stocking. Behold the synopsis: Years after realizin...
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I watched a clip of Rock of Ages so you don't have to


Jun 12
// Alex Katz
Are you looking forward to Rock of Ages? Hang on, let me stop you right there. If you were about to say, "Why yes!," then I've got some unfortunate news for you. You're an idiot. I'm sorry that I had to be the one to tell yo...
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Listen to Tom Cruise warble Def Leppard in Rock of Ages


May 17
// Alex Katz
Is "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard your favorite song? Wait, seriously, it is? Really? Can I have a long conversation with you? I'm not a therapist or anything, but I think it's for the good of medical science that pe...
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Scary Movie 5 has a 'plot', no Anna Faris


May 08
// Xander Markham
The Scary Movie series didn't start well and has been getting worse ever since, with its only conceivable merit being the dedication of star Anna Feris to the trademark gross-out 'humour'. Even Faris seems to have realised th...
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Human Centipede 3 to feature chain of 500+ people


Mar 14
// Hubert Vigilla
More details have emerged about The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence). The epic finale of ultimate vileness will apparently feature a chain consisting of 500+ people. To quote our own Alex Katz, "[This] fits with my theory t...
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Check out this creepy Disney Princess torture porn


Feb 20
// Jenika Katz
There are a lot of different types of princess fan art out there, and a lot of it portrays a more dystopian viewpoint. I'm a big fan of Dina Goldstein's Fallen Princesses collection. It's a dark look at a more modern princess...
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Matt Lieberman to write doomed Short Circuit remake


Feb 03
// Hubert Vigilla
As a kid, I really loved the Short Circuit movies. In fact, I still love them -- Short Circuit 2 is a fine example of a sequel that surpasses the original, and Johnny 5 is my favorite robot in a live-action movie. He's so wel...
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Trailer: The Dictator


Dec 14
// Liz Rugg
In The Dictator, Sacha Baron Cohen's newest venture, he plays a presumably Middle-Eastern dictator who comes to America for the first time - Arabic gibberish and jokes ensue. Apparently the other half of the movie will be ab...
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Trailer: Alvin and the Chimpmunks: Chipwrecked


Oct 14
// Alex Katz
This? This right here? This is why we can't have nice things for our children. [MSN, via /Film]
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Underground filmmaker George Kuchar dies at age 69


Sep 07
// Liz Rugg
The underground and experimental cinema community lost one of its great founding members. George Kuchar died last night at the age of 69. Most remembered for his lo-fi yet outrageous films, George, along with his twin brother...
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KatzSmith Productions, made up of David Katzenberg and Seth Grahame-Smith, just signed a two-year film production deal with Warner Bros. Along with a collection of original projects, the two have big plans for Beetlejuice 2. ...

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Drafthouse Films to distribute post-apocalyptic DDR film


Aug 01
// Alex Katz
Technically, it's called Beat-Beat Revelation in the film, but let's not split hairs. Drafthouse Films, which is owned by the folks that own the infamous Alamo Drafthouse, has bought the rights to The FP, the aforementio...
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Sarah Palin film hitting VOD & PPV after making $101,000


Jul 25
// Tom Fronczak
What do Undefeated and Troll Hunter have in common? They're both movies you've probably never heard of since they've each earned less than $200,000 in theaters so far. They're also both about trolls that no one should fear. D...
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Trailer: Jack and Jill


Jul 08
// Alex Katz
So this is it. Adam Sandler has finally reached the point in his career where all he's got left is drag. It happened to Martin Lawrence, it happened to Eddie Murphy, and now it's happened to Canteen Boy. Adam Sandler plays b...
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TMNT producer buys rights to animated Cabbage Patch Kids


Jun 15
// Tom Fronczak
Sorry, I don't want to Risk spending too much time on this Trivial Pursuit of our nostalgia wallets, but I've got a raging Clue that Cabbage Patch Kids is far being numero Uno in Life when there's a Monopoly of board game mov...
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First look at the Farrelly brothers' Three Stooges cast


May 26
// Tom Fronczak
With the four pictures in the image gallery below, we finally have our first look at The Three Stooges. It might not be much to look at, but let's take this opportunity to recap and share our expectations with everyone, becau...
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My mother recently got a new Samsung high-def TV, so of course I was the one tapped to set it up right. It came with an option, "auto motion plus," that was turned on be default. A selling point of the system, it messed with ...


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