If you told me that, after Iron Man came out, Rocket Racoon would steal the hearts of people all around the world in a Guardians of the Galaxy film, I would call you a gosh darn liar. If you told me that we would see Howard the Duck in an after-credits scene, I’d do a 360 kickflip off a halfpipe and tell you to get the heck out. And yet, here we are. Miracles happen every day.
That being said, there are some Marvel franchises we will very likely never see grace cinemas with lines wrapped around the building on opening night. I’ve put together ten of the least likely, and even thrown in some arbitrary approximations of Vegas odds! Now that Avengers: Age of Ultron is out in theaters, join me as I take you on a trip into the Marvel movies least likely to come out in our lifetimes.
As far as longshots go, this one isn’t that far off. A team of teen heroes with connections to the Avengers we already know and love? Sounds awesome! A prominently-featured, well-written gay couple? Oh my stars and garters. An awesome, African-American leader? Yes! A great way to introduce Kang the Conqueror into the MCU? A THOUSAND TIMES YES. Imagine a perfect blend of badass Avengers grit with the upbeat fun of Big Hero 6 and you’ve got the perfect Young Avengers movie.
Howard the Duck
Everybody’s favorite obscure talking duck stuck in a world he didn’t create got the world talking when he appeared in the aftercredits scene of Guardians of the Galaxy, and why not? Nobody saw that coming. After a disastrous cinematic go in the 80’s, there’s no reason we couldn’t have an offbeat Howard the Duck film. You could even introduce his good buddy Man-Thing (star of a terrible Sci-FI Original TV movie of the same name), the Nexus of All Realities, and a whole bunch of offbeat D-list characters.
Writing that out just now got me thinking. Stay tuned, folks…
Do I really think Howard the Duck will get a film before founding avenger and all-around badass Black Widow? Yeah. Marvel basically already said it’s not happening any time soon (and neither will another Incredible Hulk, #RIP), and we’ve already got one single female-led film to look forward to. Not to get too political, but it feels like there just isn’t space in our white male-led MCU for two white female-led films (Captain Marvel will presumably star a white Carol Danvers). Hopefully by the time Phase 4 is over, we will have a lot more color and gender populating our little universe.
Matt Fraction and David Aja’s Hawkeye
One of the most lauded B-lister solo comics ever, Matt Fraction and David Aja’s Hawkeye deserves all the praise it gets. It’s clever, pretty to look at, and stars not just Clint Barton but his protege and Young Avenger Kate Bishop, better know as…also Hawkeye.
But let’s be real: we’ll see a Black Widow film before we get a Hawkeye movie. We’ve seen a lot more Natasha than Clint, and though I hear he gets some much-needed screentime in Age of Ultron, Hawkeye isn’t exactly the big cinematic moneymaker he’d need to be for Marvel to shell out the millions it costs to make a 2.5 hour spectacle.
And that’s a shame, because this Hawkeye would make for great cinema.
Lean, green, and mean, She-Hulk could be the one stone we need to solve the two-bird problem of not enough female leads and no Hulk sequel. Jennifer Walters is a strong, smart, independent lawyer who happens to be able to Hulk out into a much more attractive Green Goliath than her cousin Bruce. Part courtroom drama (starring Charlie Cox’s Matt Murdock?), part superhero-slugfest, a She-Hulk movie would be a delightful
Morbius and the Legion of Monsters
Universal is trying their hand at a shared monster universe and I personally could not care more. I place the blame on Luke Evans and my inexplicable distaste for him. I’d much rather watch Morbius the Living Vampire, Werewolf by Night, Manphibian, and the Living Mummy team up and go full Monster Squad on some D-list villains not even Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. could write into their show. It would be zany, over-the-top fun, but nobody is going to show up for a Marvel monster movie.
Or would they?
Odds: 65:1 (Punisher); 1000:1 (Frankencastle)
While Daredevil showed us that Disney isn’t afraid to let their subsidiary cut back on the jokes and do more of the whole “lighting ninjas on fire” and “husky, bald manbaby beat the male lead 7/8th’s of the way to death,” the chances of Frank Castle blowing up freerunners with a rocket launcher again is quite unlikely. Will he pop up on Netflix? There’s a very good possibility. Will he play a hand in the death of Peter Parker that will allow Miles Morales to rise up and take his place? Not in this lifetime.
Even less likely? Seeing the aforementioned Legion of Monsters reanimate a cut-to-ribbons Frank Castle as Frankencastle, one of the greatest status quo departures of all time.
Despite having one of the coolest costumes from the 90’s, we’ll probably never see Spider-Man 2099 or any of his friends (I can’t name a member of X-Men 2099 beyond Meanstreak, and I only know his name because he looked just like Gambit, and I’ve never met a Ravage 2099 fan) show up in the MCU. Departing from the here and now is too chancy for Marvel, and it would essentially be setting up a whole separate MCU.
Although now that I think about it, MCU 2099 does sound pretty good. Hm…
Literally Marvel’s Justice League, Sqaudron Supreme is right up there next to Watchmen when it comes to 80’s super hero deconstructions. Hyperion (re: Superman) and his friends decide that as Earth’s protectors, they know best and should make the planet into a utopia. Nighthawk (re: Batman) says “nay nay!” and buggers off to build a resistance to take down his former teammates.
It’s an epic Marvel series that we’ll never see on the big screen because, y’know, the Distinguished Competition would probably release the dogs of war.
That being said, it’s still a lot more likely than the #1 spot…
The New Fantastic Four
The first replacement Fantastic Four was a ragtag team of Marvel’s most marketable characters in the 90’s and because of the three different studios that hold the rights to these characters (even with Marvel and Sony sharing Spidey), the likelihood of these four teaming up is about as likely as a Paste-Pot Pete ongoing.
Maybe if they replaced Ghost Rider (who we’ll probably never see on the big screen again to be quite honest) with Iron Man a la the second What If!? that saw the team come back together from a few years ago, there might be a slightly larger chance in Hell.
A 90’s fanboy can dream…
So there you have it! Ten movies we most likely won’t see. Is there any character you’d like to see on the big screen that we probably will never see? Let me know in the comments!