Among G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra‘s many faults was the fact that there wasn’t any character named Joe in it, or so I thought. I never was into the gung-ho war bravado that the cartoon series espoused, and it was downright silly, so I rarely watched the cartoon. If I did, I would have realized that even the cartoon didn’t really have a character named Joe in it. I just assumed that generic white soldier guy in the middle of all the promotional images was Joe. No, “G.I. Joe” apparently is a nickname for the squad.
But in Paramount’s upcoming G.I. Joe 2: Retaliation — because that needs to happen — they’ve seen fit to do enough digging to find out that yes, there is a G.I. Joe, from the really old days before stupid characters like Sub-Zero and Dee-Jay were around. General Joe Colton founded the more well-known G.I. Joe team at the start of the much more violent comic book series.
And now, Bruce Willis has signed on to play him. You know, because Joe is an action hero who is old. And Bruce is an action hero who is old. Looking at the picture on his Wikipedia page, he looks more like J. Jonah Jameson, which means J.K. Simmons should be acting alongside Ray Stevenson (Firefly), RZA (Blind Master), Adrianne Palicki (Lady Jaye), Dwayne “No I’m Not Using That Stupid Wrestling Name Anymore” Johnson (Roadblock), and those guys from the first film. Simmons and Willis are even the same age! But no, G.I. Joe 2 has Bruce Willis, because no one takes my ideas to make a movie like this somewhat watchable.[Via /Film]