Fat kid + raised by whales + Olympic swimmer = Beached


National Treasure director Jon Turteltaub is set to develop/direct Beached, which has a plot made of awesome things: a chubby 4-year-old falls overboard during a family trip, is raised by whales, and then becomes an Olympic swimmer. No joke, guys. The screenplay was first penned in 1997 by Ted Griffin (the world was not ready).

I can’t wait to see Chubby Kid learn how not to drown, have his first kiss with a dolphin, contract barnacles from a mermaid, beat up the Kraken, and learn life lessons from a wizened seahorse named Boone. And imagine those angsty fights with his parents.

“Dad, you’re not the boss of me! I can make choices on my own!”


Our own Alex Katz says Beached may become a major turning point in human history, that we’ll need to start marking time BB (Before Beached) and AB (After Beached). No word on the sequel to Beached, which will involve a legal battle between Chubby Kid’s human parents and Chubby Kid’s whale parents.

In other news, the film has inspired our own Thor Latham: “I’m going to make a movie about a whale raised by humans that becomes an Olympic long-distance runner. I’m thinking about calling it Beached.”

[Via The Hollywood Reporter]

Hubert Vigilla
Brooklyn-based fiction writer, film critic, and long-time editor and contributor for Flixist. A booster of all things passionate and idiosyncratic.