Bad movies are bad, no ifs or buts about it. But a good trailer could make even the worst movies at least look interesting. The ten trailers featured today are not those trailers. You see, a trailer is the most important thing for a movie. When not done exactly the right way, that could mean millions of dollars lost for a production company. So what’s a trailer to do?
A good trailer would fight on and try to distinguish itself in a world full of Netflix, internet porn, Redbox, Blockbuster, internet porn, cats, and internet porn rather than fade into obscurity. You won’t find those here.
These are ten trailers that decide to give up in the face of adversity, the ten worst trailers of 2013.
Dishonorable Mentions: About Last Night, Baggage Claim, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, Ride Along, Beautiful Creatures, Carrie (Trailer #1)
10. The Purge (Trailer #1)
The Purge itself may have gone on to inspire the amazing #CrimeDay hashtag on Twitter, but its admittedly unique and awesome premise burns out mid trailer. In a case of a trailer going on for far too long, this trailer last about a minute longer than it should as it spoils that one random killer group instead of, I don’t know, highlighting the premise by showing off other crimes a little more. Like…say…breaking into a zoo and eating a tiger. Show that for pete’s sake!
9. Jobs (Official American Legend Trailer)
RETURN OF THE MAC RETURN OF THE MAC RETURN OF THE MAC MAC MAC MAC MAC MAC MAC MAC MAC MAC MAC MAC MAC MA-
8. The World’s End (Trailer #2)
One of the greater charms of the Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg’s Three Flavours Trilogy is the mid movie genre change. Part of what makes the experience of this trilogy great is being totally surprised at what kind of film genre they decide to take on. When I realized The World’s End was going to take on science fiction for the finale, I couldn’t wait and probably should’ve stopped there. But when I went and saw The Conjuring, a trailer for World’s End played and completely spoiled the mid-flick surprise for me. Trailer jerks.
7. Best Night Ever (Red-Band Trailer)
This trailer is so bad (and progressively gets more disgustingly terrible as it goes on), it’s the only one I’ve had to create a new Flixist tag for. #UGH
6. 12 Years A Slave (“Fight Back” TV Spot)
Remember how good Django Unchained was when it released two years ago? It was a hyperviolent action comedy and was more concerned about becoming an awesomely told revenge western than it was being historically accurate. 12 Years A Slave is the complete opposite of that. If a poor Joe Shmoe saw this trailer and went to the film expecting kickass action, and only receives debilitating sadness instead, they’d be a very angry customer. I hope no one fell for the con this spot was pulling.
5. The Book Thief
This whole trailer is such a ploy for Oscar nominations it’s a fully realized version of this scene from Wayne’s World.
4. Jay and Silent Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie
Say what you want to defend this trailer. You can say that it’s really Jason Mewes’s project (since he’s producing it, you can say it’s a small home video project, you can say Jay and Silent Bob have always been stupid, but you still would be off the mark. This is written by Kevin Smith and completely endorsed by him. And if the rest of the film overstays its welcome like the trailer, well, we’re looking at a lump here.
3. Wings (От винта 3D/Jets: Helden Der Luft)
2. How To Train Your Dragon 2 (Trailer #1)
You won’t find a better example of marketing mis-communicating with the creative team this year. This trailer for the highly anticipated How To Train Your Dragon sequel is cut so poorly, it spoils every single aspect of the film. There’s a mysterious person (whose identity is spoiled), a new villain (spoiled), and an amazing looking final battle (which has also been spoiled). Rather than choose a few tantalizing moments, this trailer decides to take us through the entire movie. If you’re even a little bit interested in the film itself, don’t watch its only trailer.
1. Frozen (Teaser #1, Trailer #1 & 2)
I don’t like being lied to. I commend Disney for brilliantly underselling how amazing Frozen actually is in order to get kids in those seats, but I would’ve loved just one trailer highlighting the best aspects of the film as a companion piece. I had a good time, yeah, but I feel so icky when I walk out knowing I’ve been tricked. But then again, surprises are great. Wait? What am I even complaining about? Frozen was great and will continue to be great regardless of what its trailers are like!
Wait, could a movie be independently bad or good ? So none of what I just did matters and you’re going to like or dislike a film based on the actual film’s content, and not how it was advertised to you? …Sh*t.
What are your least favorite trailers from 2013? Do you have a “worst” trailer that I didn’t feature here? Leave a comment below or hit me up on Twitter! While you’re at it, why not read The Ten Best Trailers of 2013 list too?