How brilliant are actors?! They can look at a tennis ball and see a bus. They can run down the street being pursued by an alien predator, then remember that exact feeling for when they’re in a movie. They can have a real life name, a fake publicity name and a character name, and remember all of them at once! Oh, actors. You so gravy.
2011 saw some particularly strong performances from these gods among men, these perma-tanned Adonises, these gleaming-toothed Übermenschen. They have astonished us in comedic roles, in dramatic roles, in action roles and in massive penis roles. 2011 was the year of the actor, like every other year before it, but only one man from this year’s magnificent patheon can truly be the best. Follow the jump to discover which one is most worthy of your devotion and occasional self-pleasuring!
Hey girl, I won Best Actor just for you. Yes, everyone’s favourite silent blond studmuffin, Ryan Gosling, takes the 2011 Dactyl for all that sexy brooding in Drive. It was a close run thing, because silver fox George Clooney was in hot pursuit right until the end, claiming an equal number of votes in our first round but being knocked out in the tie-break. It’s a credit to Clooney that the vote was so close, because Flixist’s love for Nicolas Winding Refn’s modern take on the acid Western is as crazy intense as Gosling’s unnamed protagonist. We don’t own his scorpion jacket, of course, but if we did, we’d sniff it quite a lot.
Although Clooney and Gosling each won as many votes and hearts as the rest of the nominees combined, Gary Oldman took a respectable bronze for his quiet, powerful interpretation of George Smiley in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s moving portrayal of a cancer patient in 50/50 also ranked, while Shame‘s Michael Fassbender did something that sounds quite similar to ranking in demonstrating the turmoil of struggling through life with a massive penis and queue of ladies lining up to accept it. As internet nerds, we all know what that’s like, if by that you mean the exact opposite of everything I just wrote.