By 2018 may have had some truly phenomenal movies, but never forget that every year has its share of garbage. 2018 may not have had the smelliest garbage, but trash is trash no matter how you slice it. Thankfully audiences seemed to wise up this year and avoided the movies that looked vile and repulsive (to an extent), but there’s always still time to gather around and laugh at the movies that fell flat on their faces.
These are the movies that scored a two or below at Flixist over the past year, which is certainly no small feat. So let’s gather round, grab some popcorn, and send off the last bit of sludge that is 2018.
Peter Rabbit – 2
“Have you ever wanted to watch General Hux at his most detached strangle the life out of realistic looking bunny while he curses him for driving him to murder? Or maybe you’ve had a desire to see a weird love triangle between a rabbit, a man, and a fiction stand-in for children’s author Beatrice Potter. Or perhaps you’ve just been itching for a chance to watch a beloved childhood character turned into an awkward money grab that no one asked for. If so than Peter Rabbit is the morbidly violent, patently unfunny family film for you. Except take out the family part because your kids won’t like it either.” – Matt
Death Wish – 2
“I’m not sure what we’re supposed to have learned by the end of the film, but you definitely don’t feel a sense of justice being served. The movie intercuts radio hosts debating whether or not this hooded vigilante is doing the right thing, in an attempt to give the film some sort of moral core. But that core is so rotten that nothing can be derived from it. Death Wish is a bad film, full of bad performances, released at a bad time, for bad reasons.” – Matt
Sherlock Gnomes – 2
“When I was in the box office line, the family in front of me had the following conversation:
Mom: Honey, you want to see Sherlock Gnomes, right?
6yo Daughter: NNNNOOOOooOOOOOOOooOO!!!
Dad: Uhhhh 3 for uhhh Pacific Rim, I guess?
So if you’re wondering who this movie appeals to, the answer is literally nobody. I saw this alone in an empty theater.” – Greg
Sunset Society – 2
“Nothing matches up. Nothing works. Plotholes are explained away in a breath of hasty lines. There’s little in the way of fun grotesquity and even less sexuality. Sunset Society is a timid and tepid excuse to get the few minutes of Lemmy they had out to the public, and it’s not worth anyone’s time.” – Kyle
The First Purge – 2
“Every villain is a racist, xenophobic dickhead, right down to donning the hoods of the Klu Klux Klan, or latex-finished Gestapo uniform – no, I’m not making this up. If they aren’t outwardly racist, they’re a cold, cult-like psychopath that thinks killing the proletariat will somehow solve the debt problem in America – no, I’m still not making this up. The plot is at once a retread of past Purge films and a brand-new cavalcade of ridiculously stupid ideas that make very little sense.” – Drew
Teen Titans GO! to the Movies – 2
“Frankly, Teen Titans GO! to the Movies is exhausting. It’s loud, but doesn’t say anything. It just makes random noises with bright colors for an hour and a half. I was hanging with a friend last night watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and watching that movie was less of a bad trip than TTG. Fans of the show may enjoy it, but you have to be ready to deal with 90 minutes of the most annoying kind of humor on the face of the Earth. By the time the movie ends, every character is cheering for the credits to roll. If Superman is demanding for the movie to end, END. THE. MOVIE.” – Jesse
The Dawnseeker – 2
“The Dawnseeker doesn’t have any heart. It’s an incomprehensible slog of terrible acting and worse action. It’s a macaroni-art mess of every genre trope a film can offer, leaving it just like anything you’ve seen before, except worse. It’s much, much worse.” – Kyle
The Predator – 2
“Ultimately, The Predator is a film with an identity crisis: half-Shane Black movie, half-Predator movie, and in its attempt to find itself, destroys everything in its path. It’s fitting that hybridization and evolution are themes for this movie, with this film being a hybrid of styles but a failure to evolve from past iterations.” – Chris
Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween – 2
“I won’t beat around the bush here; this movie blows. I was gonna do this whole intro I normally do where I tell you about how scary the Goosebumps books were when I was a kid, and blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, and this new thing, well just isn’t top notch boyo! I can’t believe Sony Pictures would dare offend me with my excellent taste in film! It’s like they don’t even care about the quality of the blah blah blah BLAH BLAH. I really can’t muster that right now. This movie snatched the fun out of me for almost 2 hours. If I try to rant about it I might get an ulcer.” – Drew
“I’d find it difficult to accept that anyone actually enjoyed this movie, unless you have no soul. I’m not kidding. Looks can be deceiving and even with a collection of pleasant-looking characters, setting, lighting, cinematography, editing, and SFX – all the ingredients required to make a good movie, basically – you can still end up with something that takes a dark and just plain nasty turn.” – Sian
Robin Hood – 2
“Badness is a good way to describe what Robin Hood excels at. A clunky sounding word, this movie doesn’t deserve more complex adjectives to describe its failure on almost every level… At this point I’m looking forward to the next movie retelling the tale of Robin Hood just to see if it can somehow be worse than this one.” – Bradley
Tyler Perry’s Acrimony – 1.5
“I’m going to attempt to untangle what exactly the point of Acrimony actually was, but it’s safe to say it doesn’t handle any of what it attempts well… I also don’t think Tyler Perry knows much about how the legal system, real estate, technology, or the human body works. Did I mention this movie sort-of has a sci-fi subplot? It’s real dumb!” – Greg
“Is Blumhouse’s Truth or Dare actually an elaborate dare in and of itself? Maybe the entire Blumhouse production team played truth or dare in the abandoned monastery and this movie was what they were forced to make by the curse laid upon them. That must be it, because otherwise I can’t believe the studio that has built its reputation on horror would ever release this.” – Matt
Slender Man – 1
“My theatre was full of a bunch of teenagers that were ready to enjoy themselves. I counted no less than seven people walk out of the movie, never to return. And I was tempted to join them. I was wasting my time watching Slender Man. I was getting nothing out of it. When the movie mercifully decided to end, I couldn’t believe that was it. The ending was a non-ending, fading to black with a lame warning of how Slender Man was like a computer virus, infecting the minds of people everywhere. I have no idea where that came from, but I didn’t care. All I thought of was how I wasted my time.” – Jesse
