Hot Topic has Assassin’s Creed clothing so you can parkour after shoplifting at the mall

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Assassin’s Creed isn’t the great video game movie the world’s been waiting for. As Nick mentioned in his review of the film, it’s a big-budget DTV movie with good action but little else to offer outside of the game’s fanbase. At least the production design looks good. The costume design is pretty good, too.

That’s an awkward segue to mention a special Assassin’s Creed-themed fashion line at Hot Topic. It’s sort of like the Columbia Rogue One jackets but without the cred.

Yes, you too can dress like one of your ancestors from the fabled 1990s, hanging out at these places called shopping malls in a brutal pre-cellular era of grunge, dial-up internet connections, overpriced Sam Goody stores, and Clintonian triangulation. Donning these hoodies and shirts, you can shoplift and parkour with swashbuckling derring-do, evading proto-Paul Blarts in this barbaric land without Segways. You’ll eat Dipping Dots and drink Orange Julius for health, and will also learn the frustrations of calculating a THAC0 since only 2nd Edition Dungeons & Dragons exists.

Back in the 90s, people also referred to anime as “Japanimation” because they were savages and philistines. Yet somehow we survived.

We’ve got an image of the clothing line in the gallery. Check out the full line up of apparel at Hot Topic.