Back when Indian Jones and the Crystal Skull came out everyone landed in one of two camps: it sucked so much you never wanted another Indy movie or it sucked so much you desperately wanted another one so they could time wipe it away from existence somehow. Well, Disney wanted a sequel, but they’ve been having a lot of trouble getting around to it, and today we learned they’re having even more trouble as they’ve delayed the release once again from July 10, 2019 to July 9, 2021.
Look, guys, stop trying to make Indiana Jones 5 happen. It’s not going to happen, nor do I know anyone who wants it to happen other than you and apparently Stephen Spielberg, who you have obviously blackmailed into directing it. What do you have on him? Does anyone know where Spielberg’s children are right now?
Aside from pushing back Indiana Jones 5 to a date that could see its star, Harrison Ford, dead by then (he’ll be 78), Disney also announced that Jungle Cruise will bring Dwayne Johnson back into theaters on Oct. 11, 2019, while Angelina Jolie’s Maleficent 2 will sequel into theaters on May 29, 2020. I’m oddly excited for the former, but the latter holds no interest for me after the first one was pretty but pointless. We’ll also be getting an untitled Marvel movie a little earlier as the mystery film was moved to Feb. 21, 2021, from July 30, 2021.
Finally, in really, truly, incredibly important news, Ralph Breaks the Internet: Wreck It Ralph 2 is now simply called Ralph Breaks the Internet. I know, I know, I should have told you to sit down before delivering such a stunner.