Jurassic Park 4 new old news


So, apparently hot-geek-sh*t Joe Johnston feels like yapping about every little, geeky fanboy whimsy that crosses his mind. He’s like the Peter Molyneux of movies, offering up cinematic dreams that would make you wet the bed and then sleep in your own cold, damp piss. Along with voicing his dreams of making a nameless, personalty-less character into an entire movie premise as well as making some kind of movie about Winter and soldiers, he keeps effing going on about Jurassic Park 4 in what I believe to be the pinnacle of blue sky dreaming, as he never seems to actually make anything, just talks about it. Here’s what he says on the subject, which he seems to have said something eerily similar multiple times before:

We are in discussions about ‘Jurassic Park 4.’ The most important thing I can tell you is that it starts a new trilogy that will go off in a different direction, a completely different direction that is very exciting, and different from anything we’ve seen. It starts with the history of the first trilogy, but it spins it off in a completely different direction. That’s all I can tell you.

The only thing new that I can spot here is that apparently it’s going to start with the history of the first trilogy, but it will be nothing like those films and take the whole concept in a completely different direction… which is, let’s face it, what we’ve wanted this whole time, right? That’s why we all loved Jurassic Park III, right? We love it when the filmmakers veer off into strange territory from what we have established and loved before and instead give us whiny, annoying characters who we want to see eaten but then never get eaten. Like a handjob with no happy ending. I mean, that’s the very definition of fandom right there.

Incidentally, if sarcasm was incandescent based on extremity, it would blind your eyes in that last paragraph. Hopefully, somebody who’s an expert on the movie will finally speak up and give us some concrete evidence that there is, in fact, a movie being made (Spielberg, here’s your cue).

[Via ComingSoon, Via ShockTillYouDrop]