Miami Connection action figures sadly aren’t real

Miami Connection (the Citizen Kane of Florida-based taekwondo movies) continues to open in theaters across the country this month, leaving destruction and joy in its wake. The people over at Drafthouse Films decided to create images of fake Miami Connection action figures (which should be real). These figures come from an alternate 1987 in which the film was a major hit and spawned loads of merchandising. (In reality, Miami Connection nearly ruined star/co-director Grandmaster Y.K. Kim.)

Given the points of articulation, these fellas appear to be shopped version of 1980’s G.I. Joe figures. Mark looks like a modified Quick Kick, Jim like Roadblock, the White Ninja is sort of like Storm Shadow, Jeff is kind of like Monkeywrench from The Dreadnoks, John’s like Duke with rabies, and… well I don’t know what’s up with Tom.

Best case scenario: Miami Connection is the G.I. Joe of Earth-2.

In the gallery are each of the action figures in all their glory. After the cut are some clips of Miami Connection to enjoy. After completing its limited theatrical run in November, Miami Connection will hit DVD and Blu-Ray in December, just in time for Christmas. For a list of dates and theaters, go here.

“You Don’t Scare Me At All”

Berserker Rage

“Friends Forever” by Dragon Sound