Because the internet is the internet and the internet is weird, the past few weeks have been interesting regarding Avengers: Endgame. No, not because of any new trailer or because how getting a ticket was next to impossible, but because the internet wants to see Paul Rudd go up Josh Brolin’s butt. Because of course they do.
Fans have been joking that with the reappearance of Ant-Man and the Avengers desire to beat Thanos “whatever it takes” that the next logical conclusion would be to have Ant-Man shrink up Thanos’ dummy thicc self and expand until Thanos blew up. Naturally, astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson had to weigh in on this.
On his StarTalk podcast, Tyson discussed the possibility of this happening and what some challenges of the expedition may be. Tyson first clarified that it was gross what everyone suggested before asking why a human had to go in there. Why couldn’t the Avengers use the quantum tech to shrink an inanimate object down to do it? Why does it have to be Paul Rudd? To make matters worse, Tyson said that whatever object went inside Thanos’ butt would have to deal with his “powerful, evil poop,” which is as horrifying as it is hilarious.
Director Joe Russo also chimed in on the discussion in a recent interview with Comicbook.com, saying that “Thanos is incredibly strong. His skin is almost impervious. The question would be what would happen to Ant-Man if he did that. Would it work? Would it not work? If it didn’t work, it would be really bad.” Now imagine the worst case scenario where Ant-Man is shrunk and placed in Thanos’ asshole only to be crushed to death by his impervious rectum or drowned in Thanos’ evil poop. It also just dawned on me that I’m being paid to discuss evil poop and how Paul Rudd may be killed by it over the course of three hours. Journalism is weird.
Avengers: Endgame releases April 26, 2019. Expect no sodomy… hopefully.