You ever watch a movie and got jealous of things you couldn’t own? For example, how about the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo or one of the many incarnations of the Batmobile? I’m always jealous of settings. I’ll watch a movie like Halloween, and while Micheal Myers is creeping up on someone I’ll sit there thinking, “Oh, that’s such a roomy closet” or “A nice love seat would look absolutely cute next to that bloodstain.”
And since I’m not exactly made out of gold bling and diamond rings, I could never hope to own any kind of fancy house. But now that the house from Beethoven and A Nightmare on Elm Street went on sale for a boatload of money, I started thinking about other movie homes that I would give my left kidney (sometimes literally) to live in. Read on for my own parade of homes.
Featured in: Casper, that one Backstreet Boys music video
I have to admit, I don’t like the outside (and the idea of living with ghosts gives me the heebies), but I was won over by that swirly floor and ascending staircase. It was especially awesome when I realized how big that entire room was when Kat has her party and it was big enough to fit all of those kids while still having enough space for Casper and his identity issues! And that steampunk gadgetry basement? I’d pay tons of money just to ride that roller coaster that gets you ready in the morning. Though “going ghost” in that one device is probably a bad idea.
Pemberton Castle (suggestion courtesy of Andres Bolivar)
Featured in: Blank Check
Ever since I saw A Kid in King Arthur‘s court, I always wondered what it’d be like to live in a castle and not have to worry about the plague. So when that young kid got a blank check to use as much money as he could, he bought a castle…and I was so jealous (though now I’m only jealous of his siiiiick tattoos). Even if I have no idea what I’d even do with a damn castle (probably build a moat or something), I just want it. I’d probably just spend all day blowing my nose at other kings.
Biltmore House (suggestion courtesy of Geoffrey Henao)
Featured in: Richie Rich
I have to admit, I only want to live in Richie Rich’s house because it has a McDonald’s in it. Like, that solves all of my problems forever.
The McCallistir House
Featured in: Home Alone
I’ll also admit that Culkin’s home from Home Alone is the home I least want to live in. It’s dark, gloomy, lonely, gets broken into easily, and then it shows creepy movies where guys shoot each other for no reason. It’s super scary, you guys. Still, the outside of the home looks nice when it’s decorated all Christmas-y, so I’ll call it a draw.
Featured in: Sleepless in Seattle
It’s a house that’s on the water. IT’S A HOUSE ON THE WATER. I could wake up one morning, brush my teeth, open the window and just urinate right out into the ocean. If that’s not how you win at life, I just don’t know what life is.
The Addams Family Mansion
Featured: The Addams Family Movie
Doo doo doo doo *snap snap* doo doo doo doo *snap snap* doo doo doo doo- doo doo doo doo- doo doo doo doo *snap snap* If I lived in this house, I’d want the Addams Family theme to play constantly. I want to do mundane things, like eating two butter sandwiches at once, and feel creepy and kooky, mysterious and spooky, and all together ooky while I live in a muse-um of a house and feel like such a scre-am the whole time. Seriously, I’d kill for just that pastel room alone.
Bill Murray’s House
Featured in: Zombieland
While a zombie apocalypse would be terrible since I’d be like the second guy to die (I figure I’m the “Are you okay?” guy), I’d risk it to hang out with Bill Murray (the non-jerky version who doesn’t hate Ghostbusters) in his awesome shrine to himself of a home. Just imagine acting out Ghostbusters with him while you’re higher than kite? So cool. If not, I’d really just want that theater room so I could watch Garfield: The Movie as much as I want.
The Amityville House
Featured in: The Amityville Horror
Okay okay, I believe that being haunted by demon ghosts things would be worth it to live this luxurious home. It’s got six bedrooms, previously owned furniture, a demon closet/attic thing, a red room, and there’s a boathouse. Sure you have to deal with anti-Catholic demons, but you get a damn boathouse. Now that’s fine living. Stigmata is a small price to play for that kind of fancy lifestyle.
The Stanley Hotel
Featured in: The Shining
While I’d only stay here for like a week, I should be fine since I’m a single man. I wouldn’t stay here with my family, bring my creepy little son, my name isn’t Jack, I have no problems seeing a guy dressed in a dog suit, I have no problem with John Denver’s Christmas specials, I like hedge mazes, and I’m more “all play” than “all work.” I’m sure there’s creepy stuff going on, but I hope that happens to other people. I’ll be too busy taking a nice nap, and maybe jumping rope with those nice girls from down the hall.
Now that you’ve read a list of movie homes I want to live in (with a honorable mention for The Simpsons house), what are a few Klondike Bars homes you would do anything for? Be sure to leave a comment below!