Here’s an idea you’re definitely not high enough to think is any good: Fox is going to remake Home Alone but with an R rating and starring Ryan Reynolds with a concept that sees him missing his plane to a ski trip, lighting up a fat joint, and then trying to fend off thieves that break into his house. They’re going to call it Stoned Alone. This is a real movie. This is really happening.
Now, I know we’ve all bemoaned uninspired Hollywood remakes, but I don’t think turning a classic into a stoner comedy sounds exactly original. If there’s one thing Seth Rogen and company have taught us, it’s that there’s a limit to just how funny a stoner comedy can be. The joke “but he’s high!” only gets you so far. It can be tedious in the first half hour, let alone 90 minutes. I mean, after Reynolds pulls on a Deadpool mask, refers to himself as Dankpool, and tries to fight the burglars off, what will be left to see?
If Stoned Alone is successful, and it probably will be, we can look forward to a huge swath of stoner comedy reimaginings of box office hits like Indopendence Day, Mrs. Doobfire, Mr. and Mrs. Spliff, How to Bake Your Dragon, There’s Something About Mary Jane, The Sound of Bong Hits, Bob Marley and Me, Cheaper by the Dime Bag, Blunt Momma’s House, and The Skunky Horror Picture Show.
This is truly the dankest timeline.