By
Sam:
We at Flixist take our jobs seriously. And as a film community, we value the opinions of others, especially when it comes to something subjective like movies. But we will not stand idly by while idiots troll film websites, spouting off incoherent nonsense to the masses. Be warned, Sean and I are coming for you. Think of us as the bounty hunters of stupidity. If we happen to offend your sensibilities, you may be an idiot, just saying…
Sean: Sam and I have taken it upon ourselves to dig through page after page of posts to bring you the best of the worst. It’s not an easy job, but if we don’t do it, who will? Who will? So, with sleeves rolled up, knuckles cracked, and logic set to 100%, we climbed straight to the top of the IMDb 250, destination: The Shawshank Redemption.
Sam: I’m not sure what it means to be the #1 movie on IMDB, because the #1 rented movie on Netflix, for like six years, was Crash and I thought that movie was poor. Some people just love Shawshank, but this guy, well, this guy certainly has something to say on the matter….
Sam: We at Flixist take our jobs seriously. And as a film community, we value the opinions of others, especially when it comes to something subjective like movies. But we will not stand idly by while idiots troll film websites, spouting off incoherent nonsense to the masses. Be warned, Sean and I are coming for you. Think of us as the bounty hunters of stupidity. If we happen to offend your sensibilities, you may be an idiot, just saying…
Sean: Sam and I have taken it upon ourselves to dig through page after page of posts to bring you the best of the worst. It’s not an easy job, but if we don’t do it, who will? Who will? So, with sleeves rolled up, knuckles cracked, and logic set to 100%, we climbed straight to the top of the IMDb 250, destination: The Shawshank Redemption.
Sam: I’m not sure what it means to be the #1 movie on IMDB, because the #1 rented movie on Netflix, for like six years, was Crash and I thought that movie was poor. Some people just love Shawshank, but this guy, well, this guy certainly has something to say on the matter.
Sean: Join us after the jump as we tackle the first in an endless legion of idiots, a guy named rhal.{{page_break}}
“Well ive just seen this film and was hugely disappointed, it shouldn't even be on the top 250 never mind number 1! Ok I admit its better then the godfather cus that was pants, but ok it was a good film but the ending let it down in my opinion and the whole escape thing was basically a rip off of the great escape(1969) the acting of red was wooden and the guard was one dimensional”
Well ive just seen this film…
Sam: Well, he is off to a good start. At least he watched the movie. He gets a point for that.
Sean: Then again, that’s like getting points for writing your name on the SATs.
…and was hugely disappointed,…
Sam: I wasn’t aware disappointment came in sizes, but at least he feels strongly about the film. It’s not like he is going to change his mind during the typing of his posting.
Sean: I would like to say how hugely disappointed I am in his blatant disregard for basic grammar.
…it shouldn't even be on the top 250 never mind number 1!
Sam: Valid point. He clearly and concisely phrased his opinions on the subject. This I am okay with.
Sean: Number one, maybe not, however I would like to see rhal’s top 250.
Ok I admit its better then the godfather cus that was pants,…
Sam: Alright buddy, now you’ve lost me. For starters, The Godfather is a carefully constructed masterpiece featuring some of the most iconic actors in film history, coupled with an unforgettable soundtrack and superb direction. But if you think Shawshank is a better movie, that’s fine, except that now both of those movies are not on your top 250, so you will probably have to replace them. With pants.
Sean: Here at Sean and Sam Vs. the Interwebs, we have an open-door policy. That means if you disagree with us, we want to know about it (mostly to make fun of you). That being said, I would really love for rhal to, if nothing else, explain exactly what “that was pants” means. I may be out of touch with today’s youth, but I’m pretty sure “that was pants” is not slang. Even Diablo Cody would agree with me on that one. And even if you’re not a Godfather fan, it deserves respect.
…but ok…
Sam: Wait, so you are posting, and then changing your mind about how much you dislike this film? Who are you responding to? Are you just typing up a phone conversation transcript? Is it that hard to go back and edit your post? Confusion abounds.
Sean: I’m lost. My head hurts. What did grammar ever do to him to deserve…this?
…it was a good film but the ending let it down in my opinion…
Sean: I haven’t seen Shawshank in a little while, but I’m pretty sure the end involves a man’s escape plan, which was years in the making, coming to fruition as he crawled through sewage pipes during a thunderstorm and escaping to his well-earned freedom. Or maybe he means Red finally getting out and reuniting with his best friend to live a quiet life by the beach. Yeah, they should’ve walked the Green Mile, right rhal? That would’ve been way better.
…and the whole escape thing was basically a rip off of the great escape(1969)…
Sam: Here we get to the heart of the issue. You are on IMDb. IMDb is arguably the single greatest film resource on Earth. You are writing about a movie (The Great Escape) that you can, with probably two keystrokes, find on the very website you are posting on! And you got the release date wrong! Egregious error, check. Also, it’s probably worth mentioning that if you think any prison escapes are ripping off TGE you probably think all heist scenes are a rip-off of The Thomas Crown Affair, ‘cause, you know, it had Steve McQueen.
Sean: For those of you keeping score at home, The Great Escape came out on July 4th, 1963. It’s not enough that this guy has raped the English language throughout, but he’s just pulling stuff out of his ass right now.
…the acting of red was wooden…
Sam: Morgan Freeman was nominated for an Oscar for this role, and he was nominated by his peers for best acting at the SAG Awards, also for this role. And don’t say it was a slow year, because the film had to fight for Oscars with Forest Gump and Pulp Fiction, amongst others.
Sean: I’ve never, ever heard anybody say an unkind word about Morgan Freeman until now. I am saddened. But like Sam said, the man was nominated for an Oscar. Do you live in Bizarro World?
…and the guard was one dimensional
Sean: If there’s one thing Stephen King is known for, it’s his flat, wooden characters. But seriously, rhal, you didn’t even end your post with a period. But why stop a well-formed train of thought with a little thing like proper punctuation? Your thoughts are jumbled, you’re misinformed, and you write like a third grader. Are you a third grader? If you are, then I apologize for being so harsh, but you’ll thank me in the long run. Any last thoughts, Sam?
Sam: At this point, I am done. There isn’t much more to say on the issue. A deserving post for the first installment of Sean and Sam Vs. the Interwebs.
Sean: Agreed. rhal has provided us with an excellent trial-run. He put us through our paces, but we got through it and are stronger for it. We soldiered through and will continue holding the line between the savage dregs of the Interwebs and common sense, hopeful that one day, all our hard work won’t be for naught and people will think before they click ‘submit.’ I’m Sean Walsh and he’s Sam Membrino. Take us home, Sam.
Sam: Until next week, stay scared. We will be watching.
what a load of crock [IMDb]
Images: DVDBeaver, Luangh, Insomni-blog
