Look, we’ve all been there. You’re showing your parents the master bedroom after a night of serious self-loving, and there twisted in your sheets lies your limited edition My Left Nut vibrator. Your mother covers her mouth and says, “Oh. That was only nominated for Best Picture, wasn’t it?”
The shame, the humiliation. There’s no escaping it.
That’s why, when the Best Picture envelope opened on Oscars night, many waited with bated breath to make sure The Shape of Water won before hitting that checkout button.
28 lucky folks flooded XenoCat Artifacts and snapped up all of the store’s stock of dildos inspired by the amphibian fuckboy over Oscars weekend. The dildos run at around $50 a pop, too, so these aren’t gag purchases. These people plan to play with prestige.
It’s fun to think of a group of people crossing fingers and hoping against hope that Three Billboards would tank just so a sex toy would have an Academy Award under its belt.
And maybe it was that hope that helped bring a Best Picture award to a movie outside the usual Academy genres. Maybe these perverts helped in their small way to change the landscape of film appreciation. The world is a wonderful place, sometimes.
No matter how pleased Guillermo del Toro might be with his win, he’ll never know the pleasure that anyone lucky enough to snag a Shape of Water dildo felt on Oscars night.