With the release of The Batman this week, fans around the world are embarking on yet another chapter of the caped crusader’s exploits for the 9,000th time this century. More than Spider-Man, Batman has seen so many reboots that it practically requires an introductory college course to keep things straight. Then again, we’re all nerds and goofs at Flixist, so we have that nonsense figured out.
Anyway, back to the nerd and goof part. One of the more destructive traditions at this humble website is that of Snaxist. A column that crops up every so often when marketing teams get the bright idea of promoting an upcoming film with some stupid snack food, the five-month hiatus has been broken thanks to a collaboration between Little Caesers and Warner Bros. for Matt Reeves’ The Batman. Sadly, I’m the one that broke it.
If you’ve been online at all within the past few months, you’re likely familiar with the commercials running for Little Caesers that promote the “Batman Calzony.” A calzony is something that is “exclusive” to Little Caesars, but its name is a pretty dead giveaway of what it is: a pizza and a calzone mashed together. Isn’t that just a double pizza? Well, calzones have a cheesy filling while pizzas are more like cheesed bread…anyway, now you can order one in the shape of the Bat symbol!
We’re technically late on this as The Batman has been marketing itself for more than a month now, but I wanted to spare myself from the monstrosity that is a Little Caesars pizza for as long as possible. With no one else on the team willing to bite the bullet (damn you, Jesse! (ed. note: I have some self-respect, thank you)), I figured that my life is about as good as it can be. I might as well go out eating a Bat shaped pizza.
As you can see from the above photo, the Batman Calzony is relatively large. It’s roughly equivalent to the size of a medium pizza and goes for a similar price: $7.99. Little Caesars offers combo packages for $11.49 where you can get breadsticks and a soda with your order, but I opted for the pepperoni variant on its own. My past experiences with the chain have always been somewhat negative, but it seems Little Caesars put a greater amount of effort into this one.
The pizza, itself, is reminiscent of Domino’s. The crust has a lite garlic brushing that flows like butter when bitten into. The slices are relatively thin and the cheese isn’t too baked-on or soupy, so it’s easy to have five of the eight pieces without realizing you’re halfway through. It’s the calzone part where things go a bit awry.
Not forming a circle, two of the sides of this calzony are calzone-like wraps that have thicker cheese and are jam-packed with pepperoni slices. Upon first biting, it doesn’t taste so bad, but the quality of the bread soon gives way and cheese will begin falling all over your lap if you’re not careful. Once you’re done fighting gravity to stay clean, you’ll realize the cheese you’re sucking down tastes like straight cream cheese. It’s very heavy and not all that appetizing.
So, while those two bits are basically a wash, the rest of the pizza is fine enough. I’m not sure what The Batman has to do with pizza, but Little Caesars seems to have stepped up its game a bit. I know what I’ve described sounds like a basic, 5/10 kind of dinner, but that’s much better than Little Caesars’ regular 3/10 offerings.
Obtaining the pizza is easy enough. If you go to Little Caesars’ website, you can enter your address and find a location near you. If you don’t want to be seen in public entering and leaving a Little Caesars, an online delivery option is available. I opted for that since I still have some dignity left. That dignity might disappear later once my stomach explodes, but at least I can hold my head high and say I avoided making direct contact with a location.
At any rate, this Snaxist is maybe a bit underwhelming and overly short, but that’s essentially how I would describe the Batman Calzony. Not good, not bad, but decent enough for its price. Oh, the packaging is neat, I guess.