To celebrate Ghostbusters‘ 30th Anniversary, Krispy Kreme teamed up with the film and produced two specialty donuts: The Ghostbusters Donut and Stay Puft Marshmallow. Reading the press release for the two made them sound like they were made out of marshmallows and dreams. Instead, they were made out of something closer to whatever Slimer is.
I should probably explain a few things first. As a man who love donuts (not “doughnuts” you monsters) so much he wants to get a chain of them tattooed around his arm, I do not like Krispy Kreme’s brand of battered sugar. It’s almost as if they forget donuts are supposed to be made out of something other than glazed air. But as with all Snaixists, I went into this with an open mind and open stomach. Read on for my impressions of these “fine delicacies.”
[Snaxist is all about the movie endorsed food. We’ll stuff our faces, destroy our bodies, point out why or why not eating endorsed foods is a good idea, and write about it all for your entertainment!]
At first glance these donuts at least looked appealing. I’ve got to give them credit for the design. The little ectoplasm splat is nice, and there’s some fine detail when it came to the logos themselves. Everything on the logo looked as it should from the ghost mouth to the black areas in the “NO” symbol. I guess I had the unfortunate opportunity of getting a few that weren’t so fresh, however, as the splat had hardened and cracked by that point. I’ve seen pictures of some where the splat is this green gel like thing, so I was sad to see it gone here.
But as for the taste? These things were so sweet they made my teeth hurt. I’ll start with the logo. You know those Smarties chalk candies? It’s basically a tougher version of that. Devoid of taste, it’s something you bite once and throw away forever. For the donut itself, it’s pretty great if you like pancakes as there’s so much syrupy taste packed into the dough, it overwhelms everything including the marshmallow fluff filling. To their credit there’s quite a bit of that filling in each donut, but ugh it was just a mess.
Stay Puft Marshmallow
Although I still felt the Ghostbusters Donut weighing down my body like a sack of potatoes, I had to keep going for your sake. Staring into the sad chocolate syrup eyes of this behemoth, I began reflecting on every decision I’ve made in this life. Should I have gone out with that girl knowing she didn’t like me back? Was it right to draw all over my walls and blame my sister? Did I really have to eat all of the tamales at the potluck? The Stay Puft’s eyes were judging me…haunting me. They knew all of my secrets. All of the ways to torment me. They took what I loved the most in this world and defiled it with their twisted, droopy smiles. So, I bit one out of spite.
There you have it! I went to Krispy Kreme for the first time in eight years and bought a dozen monstrosities for ten dollars. Crying to myself as I was forced to do something I’d never thought capable: Throw away donuts. That’s right, I threw ten of these things away. I couldn’t give these away while knowing they would bring others to suffer as much as I did. I couldn’t have folks associate I, the boy with the future donut tattoo, with these things.
These “donuts” were just the worst. More power to you if you love overbearing sweetness, and thus haven’t discovered true donut taste for yourself. You’re welcome to buy as many of these as you want, but don’t tell ’em I sent ya.