Who doesn’t love food? Food is fundamental to life itself, so why not relish the chance to talk about food! In this installment of Snaxist (may it live on in infamy), I ate insects for your entertainment!
The upcoming Snowpiercer TV show had a strong presence at New York Comic Con with a panel dedicated to the highly anticipated series. But screw talking about the show, let’s talk about their peanut butter and jelly flavored cricket bars! Designed to be just like the food that the passengers of the Snowpiercer would eat, fans of the movie and TV show would be very familiar with how disgusting and mortifying these bars are to the passengers of the super train. Unless you’re wealthy. Then you eat the good stuff. For everyone that isn’t wealthy, they get some disgusting bars made of cockroaches, so of course they had vending machines with these bars plopped front and center in the Javitz Center.
People could walk in and grab a handful of bars from a vending machine and run off, so you had some people sampling only one bar while other lucky people walked away with up to nine. Matt and I, being the crazed lunatics that we are, both grabbed a bar, toasted to one another, then took a healthy bite out of it.
[Snaxist is all about movie endorsed food. We’ll stuff our faces, destroy our bodies, and write about it for your entertainment!]
Before I even opened the wrapper, I immediately noticed just how squishy the bar was, like it was made entirely made out of jelly. So I did the one thing that I’m sure most people would do; I bent it and squished to to see how much it would retain its shape. To my surprise, it endured any and all abuse I put it under, with the exception of trying to completely bend it in half. It got a minor tear down the middle, but still retained its form as a solid brick of bugs.
Opening the wrapper, the bar looked like a congealed brown block of nuts, so there wasn’t much else I could do besides take a huge bite out of it. Immediately it got stuck in my teeth and I had to gnash the bar around just to chew it. The texture wasn’t what I was expecting, being like a congealed square. My mouth was overflowed with the taste of peanut butter, which dominated every bite I had. There was an occasional crunch from some nuts and almonds, but for the most part it was just a sweet block of peanut butter.
But then I thought about the crickets. Where were the crickets? I can’t believe I’m asking for more crickets in my food, but there were barely any damn bugs in the bar! I tried to pick apart the bar to see if there were any chunks of crickets and while I think I may have seen a thorax or two, there were hardly any bugs in mine. I mean, I’m thankful that I didn’t get a giant cricket’s head staring back at me, but for a protein bar marketed on crickets and meant to be as horrifying as Snowpiercer’s food bars, it wasn’t nearly as mortifying as it could have been. The worst thing about the bar was how it got in my teeth, but other than that it was pretty decent. I wouldn’t actively try to seek out more of it, but if you came up to me with Snowpiercer food bars and asked me to eat it, I probably wouldn’t turn you down.