Jupiter Ascending hit theaters this week, and what better excuse is there than that to write about the beautiful, talented Mila Kunis, amirite? From the 70’s to the post-apocalypse to outer space, Mila Kunis has been all over, and damn if she doesn’t look great in any time period.
Join me, won’t you, as I take a closer look into what exactly makes Ms. Kunis Some Like It Hot material! Alternatively, just circumvent the whole “reading” thing (how gauche) and hop along right into the gallery full of sexy pictures and figure it out for yourself.
[Some Like It Hot shines a light on the men and women of film who have captured our hearts, and oftentimes, our libidos. It celebrates the cinematic sirens and strongmen of the silver screen that give us the vapors, tug on our heartstrings, and leave us hungry for more. Also, they’re really effing hot.]
Name: Milena Markovna “Mila” Kunis
Birthday: August 14th, 1983
Partial filmography: (view her IMDb page here)
Background: Born in what is now the Ukraine to a phsycis teacher mother and a mechanical engineer turned cab driver father, Mila Kunis and her family left home behind for America in 1991. At the ripe young age of 14, Kunis bluffed her way into auditioning for the 18+ casting call for That 70’s Show and despite the producers figuring out her ruse, they couldn’t argue that she was the best for the job. Shortly thereafter, she replaced Lacey Chabert as the voice of Meg on Family Guy, and found herself appearing in more and more movies as time went on, going from critical failures like American Psycho 2 to commercial successes like Forgetting Sarah Marshall (fun fact: saw that movie with my grandmother, which means, I got to see Jason Siegel’s penis with my grandmother). 2010 saw her star rise further with The Book of Eli, and more importantly, Black Swan, which netted her a Golden Globe. Beyond that, Mila continued to increase her star power, appearing in her most successful film yet, Ted, as well as Oz the Great and Powerful. Will she continue to elevate her status with Jupiter Ascending? One can hope! Finally, in a delightful example of life imitating art, Kunis and her former That 70’s Show beau Ashton Kutcher began dating in 2012 and are now engaged, with a daughter named Wyatt Isabelle to boot.
Best feature: Her face. If it’s not already readily apparent, Mila Kunis is absolutely gorgeous. Even when she’s not all made up, she looks like Sarah Hyland from Modern Family. Her eye brows, those gorgeous eyes, and her lips stand out in a wholly gorgeous face. Mila Kunis’ aesthetic is 11/10.
Hottest Role: Black Swan. Remember that time Mila Kunis had a sex scene with Natalie Portman? I sure do. Nuff said.
Where I’d take her on a date: In my humble opinion, there isn’t much sexier than a beautiful woman and a big ol’ steak. In the true Ron Swanson traditon, I’d take Ms. Kunis on a lovely night on the town, beginning with a lovely dinner at a steakhouse followed by drinks and dancing at a swanky nightclub, because if there’s one thing I have experience with, it’s drinking and dancing at nightclubs.*
*That is a lie. I am very socially awkward in public, but if we’re going to construct elaborate fantasies, I may as well make myself sound awesome.
On second thought, I was just informed by a real, live girl (the lovely object of my affection, Brittainy) that “any girl that is worth taking out on a date wants to ride some mother-f*cking go-karts.” So, with this new information in mind, Mila and I would forego drinks in favor of mother. F*cking. Go-karts.
In conclusion: Mila Kunis is a straight-up dime, and she continues to ascend (dohoho) the Hollywood ladder to bigger and better things. Hopefully, Jupiter Ascending is the sci-fi blockbuster I so desperately want and need it to be. If not, I’m sure Mila will land on her feet and return with a film that will remind us that she is a Big Deal.