Listen up children, because the ladies are trying to steal your toys again. They’re always forcing their way into our treehouse, despite clear signage that girls are not allowed. Before we know it, these cootie-infested invaders will steal everything we hold sacred. Who taught girls how to climb trees, anyway?
In a recent interview, Spielberg revealed that to make a female Indiana work, he would have to change the name to Indiana Joan. Then, he went on to add, “And there would be nothing wrong with that.”
Clearly, the director, who is fresh off the success of a film that was never able to escape the 80’s, doesn’t know how the internet works. There is something wrong with that, because women already have Tomb Raider, and if they already have Tomb Raider, then they don’t need Indiana Joan. It’s the same reason that women don’t need a female Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, because they already have Trish Stratus. Everything is equal. The fight is over.
Of course, this all sounds fine and good. Spielberg went on to say that the upcoming Indiana Jones 5 will most likely be Harrison Ford’s last outing as the character, and someone’s going to need to fill those boots. And I will take anyone, man or woman, no matter creed, color or gender, as a welcome sign given that we just narrowly avoided a world in which Shia Labeouf was going to be the next Indiana Jones. And I think that, regardless of where we stand along internet divides, we can all agree that he would have been the worst possible choice.
Indiana Jones 5 will begin filming in April, 2019.