Sure, let’s make Danny DeVito Wolverine


Another day passes, so here’s another petition to make Danny DeVito some beloved pop culture character. Whether it’s Detective Pikachu or Dr. Eggman, the internet really wants the grimy gremlin from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia to embody some part of our cherished childhoods.

And I’m all for it. I thought he was robbed for the previous two roles, both times having what was rightfully his stolen by skinny tall dudes. Clearly, Hollywood wants to slim down all our most lovably dumpy monsters, and that sucks. Besides the still-open exception that DeVito can voice all the grunts for the HBO Halo series, there’s nowhere left for the actor to turn, which is why I’m happy to see the internet give him a shot at stealing a traditionally skinny tall role all for himself.

It’s almost certain that there’s going to be an X-Men reboot following Disney’s consumption of Fox and all its properties, now unifying all of Marvel’s heroes under one mouse’s giant thumb. This means someone new will have to play Wolverine. There’s no doubt about it, but who? Hugh Jackman to many people will always be Wolverine. He perfectly filled that role and made it a part of himself. Anyone who tries to follow in those adamantium footsteps will be bound to stumble and falter, propped up against someone who was the ideal for the role. This is one thing Robert Pattinson at least won’t have to worry about, since there’s been no such thing as the perfect Batman, yet. Jackman was unequivocally the perfect Wolverine.

So just give it to Danny DeVito.

Petition-signers who are more versed in comics have some great reasons to give the role to our squat sultan of cinema: A few mention that Wolverine is short in the comics, which I had no idea about thanks to Hollywood height-washing every property in sight. DeVito is closer to Wolverine’s true height than Jackman ever was! Also, several mentioned that DeVito is used to a world in tights, as he played the much lauded Trashman. These are fantastic reasons worthy of at least getting the man an audition, but the most important one is staring everyone in the face.

DeVito as Wolverine would be incomparable to anyone else. He would be able to own the role in his own way and crawl his naked body out of Jackman’s much too long shadow. When you do something the very best in one direction, you’ve got to bank left. You have to change the formula. If Disney gives this role to another muscle-bound hunk of man meat, then audiences will be left wanting the original. It’ll be New Coke all over again. But what if Coca-Cola released Coke Battery Acid and Sewage? It would have been a huge hit, because no one would have compared it to the original flavor. It’s a no-brainer!

This might be a tired meme at this point, but who cares? Memes have the lifespan of flies, and Danny DeVito is a cool guy. He deserves to play Wolverine as much as anyone else.

Get Involved, Internet: Let’s make Danny DeVito the new Wolverine [AV Club]

Kyle Yadlosky
Kyle Yadlosky only cares about trash. The trippy, bizarre, DIY, and low-budget are his home. He sleeps in dumpsters and eats tinfoil. He also writes horror fiction sometimes.