The Top 5 Married Couples in Film


One year ago today, I was standing in a second-run movie theater in front of my friends and family, publicly admitting that I loved one particular Jew enough to put up with his presence for as long as it takes for him to accumulate enough wealth that I will live comfortably after I take it all in our messy divorce. The whole thing came off as a really cool children’s birthday party, complete with dinosaur cake, but it was really indicative of the lighthearted people we are. The past year has been pretty rough on us, despite the millions we make being internet journalists, but even with all the trouble we’ve had, I know that I have a partner that will stick with me and support me through everything life throws my way, and I know that he’ll do it in superhero underwear.

There are plenty of movies out there that show romance blossoming between two unlikely friends, or a perfect couple in a perfect world, but there aren’t many that depict a pre-established relationship that stays strong in the good times as well as the bad and manage to have fun the whole time. Today, I’d like to celebrate some of those couples. You know, for no reason whatsoever.

Do you know how much porn I had to sift through to find this image? Let me tell you, it was a lot. The fact that this was such a problem points to the major issue in the Rabbits’ relationship in the film: Jessica Rabbit just looks like the kind of toon who would fool around, and her well-intentioned actions always end up looking bad. While Jessica’s line of work is a little shady, it doesn’t mean she loves Roger any less. In fact, both members of the couple use their most attractive assets in their careers: Jessica flaunts her sex appeal, and Roger makes people laugh.

Despite the rather odd appearance of the pair, and a few bizarrely sexual games of Patty Cake, the couple work together surprisingly well. The Rabbits’ relationship finds its strength in the mutual trust between the two. Roger knows that Jessica wouldn’t do a thing to hurt him, and Jessica knows that nobody could ever leave somebody with boobs that huge.

Thank goodness Firefly had a movie to go along with the TV series, or else I wouldn’t technically be able to include this couple on the list. Of course, we see most of their relationship arc in the series, so it’s hard not to focus on that instead of Serenity, as important as that may be to their personal stories. Take that, technicalities!

It’s hinted at that Zoe and Wash were the aforementioned unlikely-friends-that-found-love, but as an audience, we only see them as the unified front that they become after working together. Wash’s goofy demeanor balances Zoe’s serious nature, and the two work together as a perfect team. Plus, check out that post-coital grin. Get you some, girl.

If you have to die in a car crash and spend eternity in the afterlife with someone, it might as well be with your significant other. The best thing about the portrayal of the Maitlands in Beetlejuice is that they seem completely realistic. While their situation is not at all ordinary, they still have the kinds of everyday squabbles one would expect in the real world. These are, of course, intensified by the fact that they have to come to terms with being ghosts and with having unwanted visitors redecorating their house. Pretty par for the course, really.

While the Maitlands do have quite a lot to figure out about their new (after)lives, they clearly have a strong partnership and will be able to pull through together. Plus, they can always jam to Harry Belefonte, and that really does make every day a little better.

From what I hear, kids are stressful little things, and having three of them with superpowers can’t make life any easier. Add this on top of maintaining a secret identity and the everyday stress of making ends meet, and you have a couple with a lot of issues out there. It’s hard to let go of your dreams, and accepting the reality of your situation doesn’t lessen the pain of what could have been. It’s no wonder that Bob Parr has such a hard time forgetting his life as Mr. Incredible, but his inability to communicate his pain to Helen just makes things worse for everyone.

Of course, superheroes aren’t only super because of their powers, but because of their strength of will as well. When the two finally communicate, they find that their family makes a wonderful team. They also find that they look shockingly good in spandex. How many people have that super power?

Sure, maybe I’m a little biased here, but old Jewish couples are kind of the best couples. Love just isn’t love if you can’t make fun of someone’s enormous nose and expect similar treatment in return. It’s obvious that Miracle Max and Valerie have been through a lot together, and we don’t even know the extent of it. Drought? Famine? Hipsters? Probably all of those and more, but Max’s unemployment is what really puts them to the test. Valerie knows Max is amazing, but after being fired, it’s hard to believe someone about that, even when you love them to pieces. It takes a good kick in the ass, but after working together, Max and Valerie manage to come back swinging. That’s because Jews are just awesome like that.

There are plenty more great married couples in film out there, and I’d love to hear about them, even though I know that my choices are clearly superior. Sound off in the comments about your favorites, and have fun storming the castle!

Header photo from Etsy.