By If everything goes right this Christmas, this might very well be the last Trailer Round-up. With all the socks and underwear I’ll be getting as gifts, I’m going to be filthy rich and won’t have time to squabble over petty trailers. Then, if I don’t like a trailer, I’ll simply buy the film out and never release it.
Like I said, Ima be stupid rich. But for now, more trailer humbugs.
If everything goes right this Christmas, this might very well be the last Trailer Round-up. With all the socks and underwear I’ll be getting as gifts, I’m going to be filthy rich and won’t have time to squabble over petty trailers. Then, if I don’t like a trailer, I’ll simply buy the film out and never release it.
Like I said, Ima be stupid rich. But for now, more trailer humbugs.
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Rango
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJ6RLKXaCXE
As an opponent of all CGI films not created by Pixar, I actually have a bit of hope for this one. The models look amazing and the Fear and Loathing/Western vibe of it makes me feel like I’ve just taken a bunch of acid tabs. I hate to get overexcited, but this might be a solid little film.
But then I found out it was being produced by Nickelodeon, and I haven't liked a Nickelodeon film since Harriet The Spy. Not to mention they were partly responsible for The Last Airbender. So cautious and optimistic is the verdict.
Take Me Home Tonight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gYL9znVmGs
What a bastardization of Eddie Money’s classic bar anthem. Many a nights I’ve spent drunkenly screaming this song at the top of my lungs, and I’ll be goddamned if it’s connected to a sub par comedy whose only purpose is to remind us how zany and tacky the 80’s were. I mean, am I right Demetri Martin?
Exactly. Now in the future, every time this song will come on in a bar, I’ll be forced to think of that movie with that fat guy from Balls of Fury, and I have a feeling I’ll be very angry about that.
Tree of Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLPe0fHuZsc
Honestly, I’m kind of lost on this one. I think Sean Penn is angry with his father, played by Brad Pitt, and he goes to space and plants a tree to find him? It looks a lot like The Fountain, so I’m pretty sure it’s like that…I think.
Still, this looks f*cking beautiful. So, yea, WATCH.
Limitless
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3U9RsXeJ3w
Bradley Cooper is a loser writer who takes drugs that unlocks all his potential and transforms him into a millionaire playboy, but after a while, he starts experiencing its side effects. It’s trying to be subversive comment on drug abuse but it's all a bit obvious. Let’s call a spade a spade and admit that Bradley Cooper does cocaine throughout this film and he feels awesome. The message of this film is cocaine makes people feel awesome. There, now you wont have to watch this dreck.
And to Mr. DeNiro, please stop it. You’re hurting my feelings at this point.
Pirate of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KR_9A-cUEJc
This picture explains it all:
Got it? Good. Carry on.
Fast Five
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcPRwcy_dCM
Years ago, I made a bet with my good friend Amit. Because I lost, I now have to watch every Fast and Furious movie with him the first day it comes out. In 2011, I will cry once more.
I have to admit though, given the Brazilian setting and the addition of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, this one looks to be a decent popcorn flick. Plus the fact that Fast Five defies all the previous films and looks to bring back everybody who’s ever been in a Fast & Furious movie, dead or alive (HAN!!). Well, everybody except for these two:
I like to think that the Fast & Furious gang didn’t invite Suki and MC Jin because they've started a “No Asians” club but they allowed Han in because it’s the "No Asians" club and they’re allowed to have one.
That's all for tonight kiddos. Sweet dreams and may you vomit only a little from all the eggnog this Christmas.