Trailer Round-up: Gotcha Nose

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I guess to make up for last week’s sequelganza, this week’s trailers have all been for original films, and that’s fantastic. Unfortunately this also means that these trailers are for films several months away. So I guess we’ll have to deal with the wait if something’s particularly interesting. 

This week’s notable trailers include Gatchaman (an adaptation of Battle of the Planets) because it looks so cool, The Counselor (featuring a screenplay by Cormac F**king McCarthy) which looks to be a good turn from Ridley Scott, and Escape Plan (featuring Rocky and The Terminator) the movie made of my dreams and would’ve ruled the entire 80s action scene. 

Oh and One Direction has a movie. That would’ve made sense several months ago. 

Hit the jump for the list of notable trailers released this week. 

Blue Jasmine (July 26th)

Starring: Cate Blanchett, Alec Baldwin, Louis CK, Andrew Dice Clay, Sally Hawkins, and Peter Sarsgaard.

Synopsis: Um, Woody Allen’s stuff has always been confusing to me, so here’s what Hubes say the film is about: “Jasmine, a woman experiencing a personal crisis/meltdown. Once a chic New Yorker, she’s now in San Francisco reconnecting with her sister and probably taking advantage of her kindness as well.” 

Comments: Um, yes. Woody Allen. 

Verdict: Wait to see if Hubes likes it. 

The Counselor (November 15th)

Starring: Michael Massbender, Brad Pitt, Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz, and Cameron Diaz

Synopsis: A lawyer gets into the drug trade. 

Comments: It’s Cormac McCarthy’s first screenplay. I’m going to see this regardless of how bad or good the trailers look. 

Verdict: It’s CORMAC F**KING MCCARTHY. 

Escape Plan (September 27th)

Starring: Ahnuld Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone.

Synopsis: I don’t care what they’re supposed to be doing. It’s Schwarzenegger and Stallone. I’m good. 

Comments: Let’s hope there’re subtitles.

Verdict: “You are the anchor that gives my spirit license to soar.”

Gatchaman (August in Japan)

Starring: ShinkenRed and other notable Japanese actors I don’t know. 

Synopsis: A group known as Science Ninja Team Gatchaman bands together in their giant fire bird plane thing to fight a man/woman in a mask. 

Comments: It’s a live action adaptation of a very popular anime. I kicked all sorts of butt as Ken in Tatsunoko vs. Capcom so I’m all about this. 

Verdict:G-Force! Fearless young orphans, protecting Earth’s entire galaxy. Always five, acting as one. Dedicated! Inseparable! Invincible!”

Hell Baby (Fall 2013)

Starring: Rob Corddry and Leslie Bibb

Synopsis: Written by the Reno 911 folks, a parody of the “new family moving into a possessed house” genre or more directly, Rosemary’s Baby

Comments: There are few jokes here, Garant and Lennon stand out well. 

Verdict: Hell no we won’t go!

One Direction: This is Us (August 30th)

Starring: One Direction 

Synopsis: Morgan Spurlock documents the lives and loves of the once famous boy band One Direction

Comments: Where’s my damn N*SYNC documentary?

Verdict: OMG 1D!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pacific Rim (July 12th)

Starring: Shining Gundam and many, many Godzillas

Synopsis: Godzillas have sprung from the depths from the Earth and its up to humanity and it’s giant robots to punch them in the face real good. 

Comments: It’s a better cut trailer than the others. If you’ve been avoiding them in general, it won’t hurt to watch this one. 

Verdict: I’m ready to cancel the apocalypse. 

Prisoners (September 20th)

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Jake Gyllenhaal, Viola Davis, and more talented folks

Synopsis: Hugh Jackman’s daughter has gone missing and he’s going all Wolverine to find her. 

Comments: Although I joked in the synopsis, Prisoners looks like it’ll be a strong Fall film. 

Verdict: Lock me up and throw away the key. 

Thanks for Sharing (September 20th)

Starring: Mark Ruffalo, Gwyneth Paltrow, Josh Gadd, and Alecia Moore (Pink!)

Synopsis: Mark Ruffalo plays a sex addict in a less depressing version of Shame

Comments: This looks like a positive spin on rehabilitation rather than the numerous depressing films, so I’m all for it.

Verdict: You had me at “Mark Ruffalo plays a sex addict.”


Willow Creek (no release date)

Starring: Bigfoot

Synopsis: Bobcat Goldthwait’s directing a found footage film about finding Bigfoot. 

Comments: Found footage normally doesn’t make sense, but when involving a creature only seen sideways and blurry? Everything clicks here. 

Verdict: Might be good for a rent if it ever hits DVD. 


The Wind Rises (Kaze Tachinu) (later this year in Japan)

Starring: Notable Japanese voice actors.

Synopsis: Hayao Miyazaki’s biopic that focuses on the life of Jiro Horikoshi, designer the Zero fighter plane during WWII.

Comments: IT’S SO DAMN PRETTY.

Verdict: Yes, please and thank you.