Presidents Day. It’s an all important holiday that I, in no way, ever confuse with Arbor Day, Labor Day, Veterans Day, Memorial Day, Kwanza, Columbus Day, Earth Day, and MLKs birthday. And on this very special Presidents Day Edition of The Trailer Round-up, we’ve got the horrors of ghosts, demons, aliens sexual predators and Kate Hudson (who might be all four). Also, because I missed my opportunity to talk about X-Men:First Class, i’ve included a rant here as well. BONSOIR*!
* this means enjoy in french, right?
Starring: Kate Hudson, John Krazinski, some lady who spells “Jennifer” “Ginnifer”.
Synopsis: Woman has sex with her best friends fiancé, tries to tell herself it’s ok because she totally called dibs and her friend is a total bitch. Totally.
+ It’s almost definite that John Krazinski will make funny faces and be oddly charming … so there’s that.
– convinced Kate Hudson lives in a Groundhog Day scenario in which she must make the same sh*tty romance movie for all of eternity.
Comments: You guys, I’m getting really worried about Kate Hudson. I really think we should stage an intervention.
Verdict: Don’t support her habit, skip this movie.
Staring: That guy from Bad News Bears who grew up to be Night Owl.
Synopsis: Family thinks their house is haunted, turns out their child is haunted (SPOOKY!).
+ helmed by James Wan.
+ looks scary.
– yet another ghost story.
Comments: I’m really getting tired of these ghost/haunting films. I never thought I’d say this, but I miss the days when every horror movie fell into the torture porn category.
Verdict: Patrick Swayze
The Wicker Tree
Staring: NOT Nicholas Cage
Synopsis: Christian missionaries come to a small removed town, turns out town has odd affection for bees and animal masks.
+ DOES NOT have Nicholas Cage.
– DOES NOT have Nicholas Cage.
Comments: While I admit I’ve never watched the original Wicker Man, after seeing Cage’s awful bear suit punching rendition, I’m actually interested in watching it. Watching the trailer for the sequel,however, already has me dreading the absence of Cage. I’m starting to think that Nicholas Cage’s Wicker Man is the definitive Wicker Man, and that cannot be healthy.
Verdict: Will watch this and the original Wicker Man in order to find out whether Cage rules over all. Also, the bees.
Atlas Shrugged Part 1
Staring: I assume Andrew Ryan, some guy named Gault.
Synopsis: Something about train tracks and free market, Obamacare, blah blah blah.
– Where are all the plasmid powers and the Big Daddies?
Comments: I’ve played both Bioshock and Bioshock 2, and this movie looks like neither of these games.
Verdict: Worst. Videogame Adaptation. EVER.
Staring: Clive Owen, Catherine Keener
Story: Family deals with the consequences of their teenage daughter starting a relationship with an online sexual predator.
+ looks to be emotionally horrifying.
– depressing subject matter.
Comments: My god this looks to be an ugly, depressing film. Even though I used to love watching To Catch a Predator on TV, to see the other side in which they don’t get harassed by Chris Hansen sounds terrifying. This could easily be a PSA like film with some kind of lesson, but with Owen and Keener leading, I feel like this movie will be nothing short of visceral.
Verdict: Watch it whilst wincing.
Staring: The Moon, rocks, astronauts.
Story: Tale of a failed secret NASA mission told through found footage.
+ authentic looking 70’s type footage.
– track record of found footage films.
Comments: Though I feel like the found footage film has run it’s course, I can’t help but feel excited for this one, partly due to the use of old cameras.
Verdict: I’ll wait until I see more, despite that what i’ve seen looks awesome.
Staring: a whole lot of 1’s.
Story: On 11-11-11 at 11:11, sh*t gets turned up to 11 as angels and demons wreak havoc.
+ looks to be what Legion should’ve been.
+ numbers obsession is always fun.
Comments: I was one of the few who actually enjoyed The Number 23, partly due to the fact that I own my own OCD tendencies when it comes to numbers. Put the numbers aside, however, and 11-11-11 looks to hold a completely creepy and frenetic apocalypse.
Verdict: I will hide under a blanket on November 11, 2011. On Nov. 12, if everything’s safe, I will watch this.
and just because I missed it last week…
X-Men: First Class
Staring: James McAvoy, Jennifer Lawrence,MichaelFassbender, January Jone’s boobies.
Story: Band of mutants help JFK during the Cuban Missle Crisis.
+ January Jones as White Queen.
+ Havoc and a Kelsey Grammer-less Beast are in the movie.
– It’s an X-Men prequel.
Comments: Confession time: I’ve hated every single X-Men movie to date. It’s not that I’m a die hard X-Men fanatic, it’s just they were all really sub-par films. From the first one to the Wolverine spin-off, I’ve seen every single one in theaters and I’ve walked away angry and disappointed. When I heard of the possibility of an X-Men reboot headed up by Matthew Vaugn, I was hopeful that they could rid the bad taste in my mouth left over by the previous movies. After watching this trailer, I’m disappointed to find out it’s more of a prequel than it is a reboot. Though it’s placement in the 60’s during the Cuban Missle Crisis is an interesting idea, it might be too little too late for me.
Vedict: I’ll get suckered into watching it with friends; will most likely be angry and disappointed yet again.