And the most obvious news of the day award goes to Transformers 4: Buy Our Toys Because We Said So. Hasbro’s CEO Brian Goldner (speaking at the UBS Best Of Americas 2012 Conference, according to Collider) confirmed what we’ve known about for awhile (but we politely chose to ignore it). Trannies 4 is surrounding a new group of robots because not enough kids bought enough Dark of the Moon toys, since they essentially bought the same toys twice before, and money is good.
So let all of this sink in. New robots will be at the forefront of Trannies 4 not because new characters might be good for the story overall (because the third film blew up their home planet! Where the hell were they going to go from there?), but because I need kids need more toys. Some might remember the original animated movie had a similar predicament. But from what I recall, and what I had a Transformers super fan confirm for me, fans demanded more characters from the original series. Hasbro then rebooted the heck out of the series (with Optimus being replaced by Rodimus, and then by his neighbor Chad) Are we getting a similar situation here? No. Hasbro’s CEO wants more monies, dawg.
The only way any of this will work is that they take our ideas from the company emails. Jenika suggested the title Trannies 4 and that it should involve “a direct correlation to the modern day issues of controlling reproductive rights” because robots can’t have children. While Hubert and I wrapped up the plot for the reboot/not reboot: The new group of robots, a Cybertronian Hair Metal band named Machina, bands together to save Optimus Prime as he has been kidnapped by some super space lame-itude. Hubert suggested that Machina should be “a five-piece band, each one turning into an El Camino, except for the leader, who turns into a van with an airbrushed van on it [and] [w]hen they merge together, they turn into a robot in Zebra stripes with a flying-V guitar.” You got that Hasbro? Flixist gives you great ideas, you give us that sweet, sweet toy money.[via Collider]