Video game movies are, nine times out of ten, not awesome. There have been exceptions, but generally speaking a movie is just a shade of the franchise it’s supposed to represent. Why watch it when you can play it? But with Nintendo announcing that it’s open to putting out new films based on their franchises again, it’s time to think about projects that could change that. Yeah, you’d still want to play the games, but with these twelve films, you would get something unique. It wouldn’t be a replacement for the games. It would be a companion piece, something different in the right ways but just familiar enough to not alienate anyone but the most hardcore fans (who will never be happy no matter what).
Some of these choices you may expect; others will probably seem out of left field, but all of these would have the potential to be something amazing. If we’re going to see more video game films in the future, it’s time to take some risks. Give these films a shot, and give these filmmakers the chance to make players old and new excited by a video game adaptation for once. We’ve certainly missed a few franchises and plenty of amazing filmmakers (this list is depressingly masculine), so let us know in the comments what Nintendo properties you’d like to see adapted, who you want behind the camera, and why!
Who: Duncan Jones
Why: In 2004, Nintendo teamed up with John Woo for a Metroid film, and I’m glad that fell through. As much as I enjoy Woo’s films, the bombast and slow-motion doves don’t really fit with what makes Metroid such an interesting franchise. It’s about isolation. It’s about being in an alien world and surviving. Duncan Jones made Moon, which is all the evidence you need that he could pull this film off. Plus, he was behind the underappreciated Source Code, which Jones himself likened to a video game. As far as I’m concerned, that’s street cred enough to make this film happen. I think Darren Aranofsky would also be a solid choice, but he’ll be a bit too busy working on:
What: The Legend of Zelda
Who: Darren Aranofsky
Why: The Legend of Zelda is a lot of things at once. It’s about adventure and intrigue. It’s about solving puzzles and fighting giant monsters. It’s not really about the intensely introspective things you often see in Aranofsky’s films… but so what? That doesn’t mean it couldn’t be. This is not the only Zelda film I’ll list, but let’s try something a little different. Link is the eternal blank slate, even in the entries where he has some amount of backstory. It would be like Noah. Hell, that film already had the rock people. Noah was a really interesting film, and it was proof that Aranofsky could do something on a larger scale. I don’t think Zelda would never to be any bigger than that. I don’t even know that it would have to be as big as that. Regardless, I think an Aranofsky Zelda film could be really special.
What: Captain Rainbow
Who: Sion Sono
Why: I bet you forgot about this game, right? That would make sense, since it never came out in America and is among the stranger things Nintendo has put out. But, whenever I think, “Weird Japanese shit,” I think immediately of Sion Sono. I think he could take the franchise and do something completely bonkers with it. It wouldn’t even necessarily be good, but it would absolutely be unique and a little (or lot) bit crazy. With a franchise like Captain Rainbow, I think that’s really the most important thing.
What: Fire Emblem
Who: Peter Jackson
Why: We know that Peter Jackson can do fantasy epics, and perhaps giving him something of the sort outside of the Tolkein universe would do everyone some good. It would have to be more Lord of the Rings than The Hobbit, but if he can tap into his former self, then I don’t know that there’s anyone better to give an adaptation an appropriate focus on both the quiet intimate moments and also the intense, battle-driven ones. It could probably be argued that he would also be a good fit for Zelda (especially with regards to fights with giant boss-like creatures), but we’ve got more than enough Zelda entries on this list already.
What: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Who: Steven Spielberg
Why: Here’s where the adventure comes in. Few people can do adventure like Spielberg can, and I think it would be all kinds of awesome to see him take on something like this. Think about all of those crazy dungeon puzzles. This is the man who made Indiana Jones. It would be a film that really focuses on those sequences and on the struggle to save Zelda. And Spielberg has already shown an interest in videogames (and Nintendo platforms in particular) with his role in creation of the extremely enjoyable Boom Blox. (I mean, nothing he could do with the series could be more ridiculous than the nuked fridge sequence in Indiana Jones 4.)
What: Super Smash Bros
Who: Gareth Evans
Why: I mean, duh. Nobody does close quarters combat quite like Gareth Evans. And the only version of a Super Smash Bros. movie that could possibly work is one that takes full advantage of the physical capabilities of its characters. Realistically, the cute and cuddly Nintendo characters would need to have humanoid films and the variety of art styles would have to be toned down, which would be all kinds of weird… but if the action was good enough, I think we’d all forgive them. And if there’s one thing you can guarantee with Gareth Evans, it’s that the action will be great.
What: Animal Crossing
Who: Richard Linklater
Why: An Animal Crossing film would have to be a slice-of-life sort of film, one that makes seemingly mundane tasks interesting. Few directors can do that as well as Linklater. And sure, much of that comes from the brilliance of his characters, but an Animal Crossing film could be a spectacular ensemble. There is already a cast of cooky characters, and there’s definitely more that could be done with that. It could take place over a year, with the film checking in on holidays much in the same way that the game does. What’s the Halloween party? How’s Christmas? Let’s do some fishing or insect catching. Let’s get more bells to pay back our debts. Done properly, this could be a really compelling, low-key film. If anyone could pull it off, it would be Richard Linklater.
What: Mario Kart
Who: George Miller
Why: This one’s kind of obligatory. Cars, power ups, explosions, yada yada yada. It would be awesome. Maybe take some elements from F-Zero like Mario Kart 8 did and you’d have something pretty cool. But… we have Mad Max already, and it’s not like that’s done. What would we get from a hypothetical Mario Kart that we wouldn’t get from Mad Max? I’m not sure. But if anyone was going to do it, I’d want it to be him.
What: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Who: George Miller
Why: But, I mean… imagine this. Imagine a film that does for horse combat what Fury Road did for car combat. Imagine crazy stunts and epic action. This would be a radically different Zelda than Aranofsky’s or Spielberg’s, going full-on, balls-to-the-wall crazy. But it would be fitting. Much like Mad Max, each Zelda could be its own self-contained narrative. A chance for filmmakers to play with style and build a fascinating world. Imagine a badass (female!) Link that crashes her way through dungeons and crushes giant beasts on the way to become a hero. The setpieces would be epic, the stunts practical, and the end result a masterpiece (probably).
What: Super Mario Bros.
Who: Brad Bird
Why: Of all of these, coming up with this name was the hardest. We’ve seen how terribly a Mario film can go, and though I think many Nintendo franchises could work better as animated films, I think it would be a necessity for Mario. You can’t turn bowser into a human. It doesn’t work, and it doesn’t make sense. But you know who can make some damn fine animated films? Brad Bird. Somewhere between The Incredibles and Ratatouille lies the perfect Mario film. It’s probably a fair bit closer to the former than the latter, but regardless, the man has shown off plenty of versatility and could make up for the 1993 disaster.
Who: Guillermo del Toro
Why: This might seem like an odd choice for what would almost certainly be a children’s film. He’s better known for horror and action, but del Toro is great at science fiction, which is what Pikmin is. The man knows how to tell a tale of adventure on a grand scale — even if that grand scale is garden sized — and in all honesty pikmin are kind of creepy. There’s a certain level of horror to a swarm of living plants and the giant creatures that attack them that del Toro could deal with quite nicely. Pikmin would also have to be an odd mix of introspective character development following Captain Olimar’s isolation on a strange planet and epic set pieces following the Pikmin’s adventures trying to help him, and del Toro can handle both these things as Pan’s Labyrinth and Pacific Rim showed us respectively.
What: The Legend of Zelda: Windwaker
Who: Hayao Miyazaki
Why: OK, maybe we’re going a little over board on the Zelda adaptations, but that’s what makes the franchise so wonderful: it’s so malleable and adaptable to varying styles thanks to the fact that it, at its heart, is simply a reoccurring legend espousing themes of adventure, wonder, growth and exploration. Who better captures those themes on screen than the legendary Hayao Myazaki and Studio Ghibli? That sense of childish awe that Windwaker created as a new island crept up on horizon is what Miyazaki has been doing his entire career. We’d wager his work inspired the cel-shaded Zelda adventures. Maybe Nintendo can coax him out of retirement.