Trailers

Clown Fear trailer boasts perhaps the buffest clowns in film history

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One of the main issues with the survival horror masterpiece Silent Hill 2 is that its central antagonist, Pyramid Head is meant to be a manifestation of the evils of an unrepressed libido running wild, dominating and destroying all in its path with a long and very phallic blade. He doesn’t achieve this goal, however, as he makes the players too damn thirsty for that thick chest and those rippling abs. How could anyone not allow themselves to be destroyed under those arms?

The same issue I think will prove true for Clown Fear. In what looks like The Hills Have Eyes but with clowns, a runaway bride and her friends end up stranded in a town full of blood-thirsty clowns (who aren’t strong men for some reason) and have to fight for survival. But look at these guys. Why is this newly-singled bride running? My suspension of disbelief has been shattered.

Beyond that glaring problem, the trailer is pretty cheesy and doesn’t show much of anything. All you get are clowns and women. I do enjoy the stinger at the end when the women celebrate shutting a door only to be shocked to find out that this super-ripped clown posse is able to punch through glass. Who would’ve thought?

The only real question that’s going to nag at me long after the trailer’s specifics have faded from memory is whether Lionsgate actually bothered to tap Trailer Voice Guy for this, or did they use some kind of Trailer Voice Guy text-to-speech software? We may never know.

Clown Fear will hit DVD and VOD on February 18, 2020.

Kyle Yadlosky
Kyle Yadlosky only cares about trash. The trippy, bizarre, DIY, and low-budget are his home. He sleeps in dumpsters and eats tinfoil. He also writes horror fiction sometimes.