Incredibly low-budget dinosaur movies are perhaps a trend older than dinosaurs themselves. Somehow, with films like Jurassic Games and Iron Sky: The Coming Race, I find myself like a prehistoric mosquito stuffed with dinosaur blood and resting on a tree as amber trickles across my body–eternally trapped in this nonsense.
Against all odds Jurassic Thunder (from the team that brought us Tsunambee) looks similar to each of those previous films in its own ways (gun-mounted dinosaurs in Jurassic Games’ case and an unnecessary Donald Trump parody for Iron Sky), yet even worse.
The dialogue seems weirdly clipped. The green screens are so obvious the crew might as well have drawn the scenery on some cardboard with crayons. The dinosaurs are as rubbery as masks from the dollar store–and I find myself weirdly endeared by it all.
Will it be terrible? Almost undoubtedly. Will I watch it anyway? Almost undoubtedly.
And you can join me (if you too enjoy drinking from septic tanks) when Jurassic Thunder rampages onto VOD and DVD March 10, 2020.