I love women. We all know this about me. I’ve been, for better or for worse, the resident ‘Babe Expert’ since the time before Flixist took its first steps onto dry land. I love women of all shapes, sizes, colors, creeds, heights, and athletic abilities. I’m not exactly shy about it, thus my role as the aforementioned ‘Babe Expert.’ It’s a heavy burden, being so outspoken about beautiful women, but it’s a burden I accept. I may not be the Dark Knight reference hot chicks need right now, or the one they deserve, but I’m the one they’ve got.
That being said, strap in as I take you on a numerically-ranked journey of 2013’s hottest babes, complete with pictures and video!
10. Jennifer Aniston (We’re the Millers)
During my formative years, I had a big ol’ crush on my friend’s mom. Many of my other friends, who didn’t know her, didn’t understand. “Dude, she’s like forty-five,” they told me. I was non-plussed. I knew she was a beautiful woman and over a decade later, she’s still smokin’ hot. Jennifer Aniston is about the age this hot mom was when I first met her, and just like this hot mom, Jen is still hotter than the sun. If you need any proof, just watch the above video again. And again. And again.
9. Shailene Woodley (The Spectacular Now)
I’ve had a big ol’ crush on Shailene Woodley since her days on The Secret Life of the American Teenager. She possesses that girl-next-door quality and a good-naturedness that really just makes you wish she lived next to you down on the Creek. It was those two qualities that made her perfect for the role of Aimee Finecky in the film adaptation of Tim Tharp’s excellent book, The Spectacular Now. She was just so sweet and unsure and genuine in that movie, you couldn’t help but fall in love with her. Despite being cut from Amazing Spider-Man 2, Woodley has her plate full for 2014, with lead roles in French thriller White Bird in a Blizzard, Twilight-void-filler Divergent, and most importantly, the sure-to-break-your-heart adaptation of John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars. I, for one, cannot wait.
8. Rosario Dawson (Trance)
My love of Rosario Dawson is well-documented here (pardon all the broken images, this article is years old now). In addition to all that, she goes full-frontal in Trance. It’s also a pretty great thriller. It also has naked Rosario Dawson. I recommend it.
7. Amy Adams (American Hustle)
Hey! Another Some Like It Hot alum! Adams was absolutely stunning in American Hustle, playing a fierce woman who just wanted to have it all, and I’m fairly certain she did the whole thing without wearing a bra. It was pretty awesome all around.
6. Rachel McAdams (About Time)
Rachel McAdams has that kind of wholesome beauty that could make a guy travel through time over and over just so he could get it right with her. Like Shailene Woodley, she has that girl-next-door quality that makes me feel warm and fuzzy, and is drop-dead gorgeous, which makes me feel other things, too.
5. Gal Gadot (Fast & Furious 6)
I just discovered Gal Gadot is only a year and a half older than me. That’s crazy. Also, she is a smokin’ hottie, a former Miss Israeli, and served in the Israeli Defense Force. If there is any doubt that she isn’t badass enough to play Wonder Woman, you can get the hell out. As far as that whole thing goes, check out what she had to say in her own defense. A beautiful badass that is also well-spoken? That’s a recipe for true love.
4. Margot Robbie (About Time, Wolf of Wall Street)
I was threatened with violence if Margot Robbie didn’t crack the top three, but I do so like to live dangerously. The summer fantasy every growing boy dreams of in About Time and the blond bombshell wife in Wolf of Wall Street, Robbie oozes sexuality with her every move, and Wolf of Wall Street had a lot of oozing.
3. Jennifer Lawrence (The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, American Hustle)
Everybody’s favorite human Jennifer Lawrence, yet another SLIH alum, cracks the top three, because of course she does. She’s Jennifer Goddamn Lawrence. Her outfits in Catching Fire were fabulous and all, but her entire performance in American Hustle, wardrobe included, is what put her over the top. She’s really just the best. I don’t think I need to elaborate further.
2. Adèle Exarchopoulos (Blue is the Warmest Color)
I have, unfortunately, not seen Blue is the Warmest Color yet. I almost did with my new girlfriend, but decided that a film with explicit lesbian sex scenes maybe wasn’t the best movie to see for our first big date night. Despite my having not seen it, there is no denying that Adèle is one of the most beautiful beings I’ve ever seen. That being said, I have every intention upon its DVD release, topour myself some bubbly, dim the lights, and have myself a private viewing.
1. TIE: The cast of Spring Breakers (Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson, and Rachel Korine)
I loved Spring Breakers. I loved it so much I saw it twice. Beyond the bikini bodies, requisite Spring Break excess, and repeated dialogue, there was a very raw story about four girls from a small town that just wanted to get out and experience life, and the consequences that follow the choices they make. I understand why so many people (all of my friends included, besides Isabelle) didn’t like this film, but I loved it. Pitch black humor, a Riff Raff-impersonating James Franco, and a stunning rendition of Britney Spears’ ‘Every Time’ all come together under the direction of Harmony Korine to make one of my favorite movies of 2013. That being said, the four lead actresses had absolutely phenomenal bodies that they have on display for 95% of the movie, and there was really no way for me to choose between them. Who says you can’t have your cake and do a bunch of cocaine, rob a Chicken Shack, and make James Franco fellate a gun too?
Honorable Mentions: Alexa Vega (Machete Kills), Cameron Diaz (The Counselor), Elsa’s kick-ass dress (Frozen), Emma Roberts (We’re the Millers), Julianne Moore (Don Jon), Lady Gaga (Machete Kills), Lindsay Lohan (The Canyons), Michele Rodriguez (Machete Kills, Fast Six), Scarlet Johansson (Don Jon), Scarlet Johansson’s voice (Her), Sofia Vergara (Machete Kills)
So there you have it, the ten (or thirteen) hottest babes of 2013. Did I leave anyone out? Do you disagree with the ordering? Let me know in the comments!