VelociPastor trailer and poster make me cry Jurassic tears of joy

Exclusive Trailer: Jurassic Priest vs Ninjas in THE VELOCIPASTOR (2019)!

There are a lot of movies in the world. Too many perhaps, of every genre and style. We’ve seen it all, experienced every permutation of every storyline that will ever be. The fact that people continue to make new movies is honestly something of a joke, as there’s no such thing as a “new” movie–

Or that’s what you thought, you stupid idiot! Someone’s made VelociPastor, a movie in which a pastor can turn into a raptor and has to fight ninjas (sometimes not as a dinosaur and in his underwear) to defeat some kind of evil, I guess!

That’s hot and fresh, and yes probably devised entirely around its pun title. But there are worse reasons to make a movie, I’m sure. This looks fun and silly and just like a plain old good time. I like the grindhouse style and the obvious cheapness of it all. It also seems like the cast is a hundred percent game for the ridiculousness, which absolutely makes or breaks a movie like this. If it’s as good as Rottentail, then I’ll certainly be down.

VelociPastor will have a midnight screening and Q&A at Texas Frightmare Weekend on May 3, 2019. There are no details on the VOD/DVD release just yet, but holy crap I can’t wait. Here’s a poster that looks to have had a higher budget than the entire movie and promises a Man of the Claw–which is not a very good pun on man of the cloth–to help us all while we wait.

[Exclusive] A Man of the Cloth Turns Jurassic in ‘VelociPastor’; Check Out the New Poster and Trailer [Bloody Disgusting]

Kyle Yadlosky
Kyle Yadlosky only cares about trash. The trippy, bizarre, DIY, and low-budget are his home. He sleeps in dumpsters and eats tinfoil. He also writes horror fiction sometimes.