Your puny Harrod’s has been assimilated by Flixist


This morning we were but a lowly street cart with food for the masses, and soon after that a convenience store in Newbridge, NJ. Then we began our global outreach in Japan, soon spreading across the globe, even the Antarctic. Now, puny humans, we have overtaken your precious Harrod’s and have razed your pitiful Selfridges to the ground as well. The water across this land is now covered in petrol and alight in all-consuming flame, a tribute by these primitives to their new and rightful rulers.

Flixist will not be stopped. We control the horizontal and the vertical. We will soon own all of your thoughts and dreams and sell them back to you. We caused the blood in your stool. You will do our bidding. Yes, you as well, Penelope the Triceratops. You thought you could be rid of me by running off with that harlot Brontosaurus Judy, but no. (The Brontosaurus is not even real. Did you realize this, Penelope? That the beast that Judy dresses as, like your tawdry love, is a sham? A lie!)

Our satellites will be launched soon, and our takeover of Kyrgyzstan will soon be complete. We are taking the country by force, much like its countrymen do their brides as per tradition. Fitting, Penelope, for that is your fate too, and you and your three sensual horns have no choice but to accept.

In the gallery, better images of our path to triumph. These images you shall see again on your news broadcasts and history books.

Hubert Vigilla
Brooklyn-based fiction writer, film critic, and long-time editor and contributor for Flixist. A booster of all things passionate and idiosyncratic.